alittle bummed

All afternoon all I have thought about is the fact that Im on this stupid plateau. That I only lost 3 lbs this month. That I have lost NO inches.

It has played over and over in my head - the times I could have worked out that I didnt. The times I practically binged when I got off track and how I could have handled that better. The times I have sat watching tv, doing nothing - when I could have been doing squats or pushups ect during the commercials. There is just so much more I could have done in the month of March.

There is only one more day in this month and a new one is starting. Its time to kick things in high gear.

This coming week I am going to go to the gym and have a 3D pic done of what I could look like at goal weight - I am so freaking excited to put a picture to the goal. That picture will be going EVERY where with me.

Im aiming to either get up early to work out or head straight to the gym when I get off work depending on the day ... or maybe both would be good too :)

Thursday I am going to try a spin class - I am SCARED of my first spin class. I am going to look like a moron! But I need to push myself out of my comfort zone.

So I am finishing watching the biggest loser then heading to pack my lunch. Here is my plan

• Coffee with FF creamer and splenda = 0
• low sugar oatmeal = 2
• hard boiled egg = 2
• 100cal cottage cheese doubler = 2
• spicy black bean burger on roll = 3
• small apple = 1
• cup of soup = 1
• Carrots and hummus = 2
• fiber one bar = 2
• running total = 15, 12 left
• dinner based on going to the gym

So much to post - so little space to do it!

I have so much to say that this could easily be 3 or 4 post! So I think I will bullet point it to try to save everyone some reading.

• I have made new goals for April. March didnt go so well. I only lost 3 lbs in the month of March and my measurements are EXACTLY the same :( Really really bummed about this!
• I am going to get out of this funk of a plateau!
• I joined the gym today... LOVED IT! They have SO many classes to chose from. Everyone was really nice. Great equipment. Nice kids and pool area. I was so scared when I first got there - I sat in my car for 10 min because EVERYONE going in was female and a size 4 or 6... while I feel good about my weight loss I felt HUGE sitting there waiting to go in.
• Tried pilates today - abs are sore but needed to do some stuff on my won before and after to get the cardio in.
• I made the most yummy dinner - I roasted asparagus for the first time ever and LOVED it! I had only previously tried it battered and fried :( My eating has been right on the past two days.
• I have PEED so freaking much since yesterday... but happy to get my water in!

Food Journal 3/30/10

• Coffee with ff creamer and splenda with fiber 0 points
• low sugar oatmeal with a banana 4 points
• sweet egg whites with apple concoction 4 points
• english muffin with jam 2 points
• cup of soup 1 point
• grilled chicken strips 2 points
• lite mashed potatoes 3 points
• asparagus 1 point
• bite of G's mac and cheese 1 point
• 10 almonds 2 points
• TOTAL 20 - 7 left for evening snack :)

Will try to add pics of my awesome food today after G is in bed!

pilates here I come...

In an hour I will be heading to the gym, signing up, getting a short run in and then off to my first workout class. Today... pilates mat.

Pilates please dont kill me...

drink... PEE PEE... drink... PEE PEE!

Increasing my water intake day one at work - not the best idea I have every had. I have drank about 30 oz plus my am coffee and its 10am. I have peed and peed and peed! I dont have the kind of job that allows quick easy trips to the bathroom - the joys of being a nurse! Hopefully my bladder gets used to this pretty darn quick!

week 12

Today is the beginning of week 12... 12 weeks of being healthy, 12 weeks of keeping a food journal, 12 weeks of being more active. This is the longest I have stuck to anything! Yes my weight loss has stalled a bit but I have not given up!!!

So this week I am down 0.5lbs - 176.5... seeing that the scale has NOT been my friend in the past week or so, I am so happy to see ANY loss.

I also started a new food journal today. Yes I still had room in my previous journal, but I have decided to kick things up a notch. A few days ago I posted some goals for kicking things up - I will be documenting my water intake and vitamins (I officially bought the old lady daily pill holder and took all my pills today!). So I thought a new journal would be nice too - its pretty and clean and neat.

So tomarrow I join the gym - have my first class! I chose pilates mat - and Julie was nice enough to brave it with me!

I have new found motivation, new found excitement!

great productive day!!!

I have had the BEST day today - it has been VERY productive!


Once I got up and moving, I went down stairs and got my work out in. I ran one "lap" on the treadmill then jumped off and did back and shoulders, ran a lap then did bi's and tri's, did a lap and did squats, did a lap and did abs... and I was SO proud of myself that I was able to do some of the ab exercises that I wasnt really able to do a in the past few weeks with the trainer.



I went to Rachaels for dinner - hadnt been there in forever!



Came home and handled one of my biggest stressors lately - my bedroom. It was ANYTHING BUT relaxing and comfortable. It was a MESS - clothes everywhere, complete chaos. So I spent HOURS cleaning it, putting clothes away, rearranged the furniture. SO much better.



And I got rid of ALL of my size 16 clothes - GONE and I never ever want to see them again!!!



I am super excited about joining the gym on tuesday - already made my first class plans with a friend ... 1015am pilates!

Need to get moving!!!

Its 830 in the morning. I have the morning to myself since the little man slept at Grandma's last night and the hubby is still sleeping. It is a great morning to get a good workout in... yet Im on the computer and sipping on coffee...need to get moving! I am about to head downstairs and run a mile on the treadmill (alittle too chilly outside today), then Im going to do some moves that Shannon the trainer had shown me with some cardio mixed in between, thinking jumping jacks. I need to get motivated though. I have NO desire to go down there and actually do it! I wish I already had that damn gym membership... a class seems SO much more fun! I cant quit or slack in the middle of a class... I can psych myself out when Im working by myself.

Today I feel bloated and gross. My neck is so tense and tight - why I am holding stress there I dont know... I had a dream last night that someone was sneaking high calorie protein fiber into everything I ate and drank so that while I thought I was staying in my points I really wasnt - and was gaining and gaining and gaining instead of losing weight. Then when I saw the higher numbers on the scale I lost it and went binging so I gained more. Then when I got back on the wagon they put that powder back in and I kept gaining until I was over 300 lbs... it was a scary dream!

I hate the scale

I really really really hate the scale! For some reason its sitting in the middle of my kitchen floor so while I was making my dinner after work today I jumped on and the damn thing said 179.5... there is no way in hell I gained 2 lbs this week! (My official weigh in is on monday morning) - I only splurged that one time for Mexican and it fit into my extra weekly points. The rest of the week I have been good - within my daily points every day and worked out tues, wed and thur this week. I dont freaking get it!

So I have realized I need to change a few things. First I hardly EVER take my vitamens. I have been splurging on diet pepsi when at work which is NOT good and have not been getting nearly my expected water intake. Im not working out as much as I should be. I have been not eating a ton of processed food but I definately could back off alittle.

So what is the plan -

1. Tomarrow I will buy an old lady daily pill holder and put my vitamins and meds in each day every sunday and then I will know if I took it or not - I can NEVER remember if I take my stuff.

2. WATER WATER WATER - I need to carry my water bottle around everywhere I go and keep it full. NO more soda, diet or not ... PERIOD! I dont need it, I dont want it! I will get 80 oz of water in EVERY day!

3. Four workouts weekly with three of them being cardiac. I am joining the gym next tuesday and am aiming for 4 1-hour cardiac workouts weekly! I can do this!!!

4. Plan my meals, pack my food. Try to stay away from anything that I cant pronounce.

5. STOP WEIGHING MYSELF every day, sometimes several times a day. It is DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! So weigh in is on Monday ONLY!!!

reminder to me...

Do NOT get bummed out that the scale said 177.5 today... you are doing great. You are being healthy... just keep it up, hard work will finally prevail!

soon to be gym rat

I have officially decided to join a gym - next tuesday I have an appointment to get things set up. Im excited to start some classes! I hope to get there for a 530 am class before work at 8 when I start my new job, not to mention workouts when G is at school and taking him with me in the afternoons when E works so that after I workout when can play in the pool... Im really excited!

The only bummed out thing is that I have to let my AMAZING trainer go for a bit - not having started the new job, we have to keep tabs on our finances and I just cant justify both right now.

:)

Mexican food I did NOT need you tonight and definately did not need the margarita but had an amazing time out with my two boys - I will make up the calories as the week goes on... one night wont kill me!

Today will be a good day...

I need to get moving on this exercise thing a bit - this morning Eric and I are heading the the ma and pa, Im going to try to atleast run 2.5 miles today. Im alittle sore but its doable... Im thinking a ton about the gym membership...what to do what to do!

This morning we are making a BJs run... wow I hate those, we spend SOOOOOO much money! But my freezer will be full of healthy proteins and healthy snacks!

hi there...

Sorry about my sorry me, poor me post from yesterday ... the feelings took over and this is my sound board ... its why I started it to begin with. I am not going to keep anything inside anymore, I either share it with my hubby or a friend or I share it with myself (and all of you), put it out there then wait a day for me to chill out a bit and reread it. Most of the time I think - wow thats not really what I think, atleast not most of the time.

Today has been a FABULOUS day of not leaving the house - LOVE it!!! Eric is off today to, he let me sleep in a bit, got a little run in on the treadmill - aiming for a much longer one outside tomarrow at the ma and pa trail. I have eaten healthy all day.

The best part of the day is that a friend of mine decided to be my "healthy lifestyle student" - today we weighed her and measured her and talked about WW points, ect. We talked about food substitutions. She signed up for Sparks people. I do SO much better when I am teaching, it keeps me accountable more. Same was true for school - if I tought it to someone else then I learned it SO much better. I am hoping the same will be true for weight loss. We will keep tabs every other day or so and get together every week or two for weigh ins. I gave her a food journal. Its amazing to see how much I have learned along this journey - sometimes I may not do it 100% but I definately know what to do.

On a side note - Im debating joining a gym. I love the thought of classes - I love exercise classes! There is a gym right next to G's preschool that offers a discount for where my soon to be new job is. I could drop him off at preschool and then get to the gym. They have a huge pool and daycare so I can take G with me and then we could play in the pool. Im alittle worried that I wont be able to afford both the gym and my new found trainer - that is my only hesitancy. Not to mention I have joined gyms a ton of times in the past and not gone, ever. What to do, what to do? What would you do?

I have been MIA

Sorry but I have been alittle MIA lately - not on purpose or trying to slack off but just really really busy with life and every time I went to blog, sleep sounded soooooo much better and kept winning.

Life has been good, but ridiculously busy. Work has been insane and has left me with NO energy when I get home. I have been doing so so well with getting my workouts in and for the most part good with my diet. I lost 4 lbs this week - but that was because I gained a few last week :( Lets not do the yoyo thing - it isnt healthy, for my body or my head... lets not go there!

I have been fighting bad thoughts lately - just not feeling very good about myself, not sure why but the bad self thoughts have been sneaking through more and more lately. I feel fat. I feel lonely. I feel like I am not a very good person and that I dont have alot of friends or people who try to get me around them because Im just not that great to be around. Sometimes I wonder if people are thinking "god she is coming, oh no" or "uhhh I have to hang out with her today, hope so and so is there too". I dont know why I have these feelings, I always have - like Im the fat annoying girl that no one wants to be around. Arent fat people supposed to be funny and a great person to be around? why arent I?

So I am just trying to push past those feelings, not feed them like I usually do. I am taking this one day at a time. I know I can be a better person than I am so lets start and stop being so bitchy all the time.

an AMAZING day!

Just wanted to say that today was AMAZING!

Happy day off!

Its saturday - the sun is shining and it will be a gorgeous day and I am soooo happy to be off work!



This wonderful weather has made trauma land super busy so yesterday was CRAZY at work. I went in early - around 9am and didnt get home until almost midnight. My WONDERFUL husband is absolutely WONDERFUL... Rach was sick and when I asked him to pick up her son and keep him overnight he didnt even question it, not one little sound of complaint - just said OK and planned ordering a pizza for the boys and played all night and got them both to bed. I am very lucky to have him!



And the best part about yesterday is I got home to see my Nurse Practitioner licence came in the mail! Now Im just waiting for my collaborative aggreement to be approved by the state and the hospital to grant my privilages - I am finally making progress with the new job! Im so excited but so scared at the same time.... I will have ALOT of new responsibilities and peoples lives will really be in my hands.



The last few mornings the scale has said 177.5 - granted thats down from 181 but its stuck there :( I stayed within my daily points yesterday. I didnt get a workout in since I was at work FORVER.



Today will be a busy day. First eric is working so I have both boys to myself today and I will probually be adding my baby niece to the mix for most of the day. When Eric gets home I want to get a run in since it is GORGEOUS outside! G is heading to my moms tonight since we both work early in the am so we may splurge with a glass of wine and steaks on the grill and maybe a bonfire... great way to end the day with my wonderful husband!



There is only 1 month left in the biggest loser challange - I need to get a move on. I have lost 19 lbs so far - I would like it to be 25-30 lighter before the reweigh in. I REALLY want to win!!! Last year I sucked - I lost like 6 lbs then gained it back. I am on a role!

great day!

It is GORGEOUS outside!!! The sun has shined all day and we tried to make the best of it. I need a nap but had a great day!

First dropped G off at preschool and headed to the ma and pa trail with the dog and the hubby. I went the route to Annies with the dog and hubby went the hard hilly route. I ran the entire thing except stopping because a stupid person didnt have their dog on a leash and it wanted to hump my little girl and to let Gracie get some water at the playground. Funny how I can barely walk but had NO issues running.

Then dropped Grace off at the groomers, grocery shopping, picked up the boys, got a hair cut, went to my new job to drop off papers. Then after I got back G and I went to wash my car which probually looked hilarious to outsiders since the three year old has to help with EVERYTHING and do it himself. We sort of cleaned the house and Im trying to get energy to go finish dinner.

All in all a great day!

Feeling blah...

This afternoon I am feeling so BLAH and I have NO clue why. I got off work 2 hours early. It is GORGEOUS outside. But no I feel BLAH. After spending WAY too much time in traffic since I left early I hit massive traffic. After getting home we took a small walk with Gavin and the dog - my legs are sore so I thought it would be good to get a walk in again this afternoon before my planned long run tomarrow morning.

Im on this every other work day schedule that I hate! Im only off tomarrow and I have so much to do which stresses me out. Eric and I plan to get our run in while G is at preschool tomarrow. I have a 1pm hair appt and I need to get to my soon to be new job to drop off some paper work. We seriously need to get to the grocery store tomarrow or I will have NO healthy food ... we really need to do a BJ's trip but I just dont want to. Im planning to put a chicken in the slow cooker tomarrow to help ease the day a bit. We are hoping to have a bonfire tomarrow night too - first of the year. G is asking for marshmellows on sticks and popcicles :)

Ive also be alittle stressed in the parenting skills recently. Gavin has been SO bad. He has been talking back and bossy. Today he spit on a little boy because he didnt like him. I dont know what Im doing wrong?

sore but a good sore...

So this morning Im sore - my thighs and butt are sore sore sore... I look funny sitting down. But its a GREAT sore! I didnt get my run in this morning but took Gracie on a nice long power walk that I plan to repeat when I get off tonight.

It is GORGEOUS outside! I wish I was out instead of at work!

so far so good!

Had my workout with Shannon - I am so glad I bit the bullet and started the sessions. I think they will REALLY help. I felt alittle crappy afterwards though, alittle nauseated but I think my blood sugar had went down - I need to plan alittle better in the am meal wise before I go and plan to have something in my car afterwards if I need it. I came home and had an apple and felt MUCH better!



SOOOO good to have a day off today. Im about to go pick up Gavin and J from preschool. Plan to start tackling the mess in my room during nap time. Gracie needs a nice long walk today. Want to make something yummy and healthy for dinner tonight. I talked a friend in letting me help her on her weight loss journey... I do so much better when Im helping someone else regardless what Im trying to do. So today I am weighing and measureing her and giving her a food journal. The sun is shining - its going to be a great day!!!

930 update - Im right at my daily 27 points. I want to munch but had a hot tea instead while I watch biggest loser. I played like crazy with G outside today, ran around, jumped on the trampoline. Weighed myself before enjoying a nice hot bath - 176.5 baby!!! Seeing that the stupid scale said 181 Sunday I will take that! I am back!!!

a good day

I didnt get up in time to work out before work - I used G as my alarm clock and doesnt it figure he sleeps in today!?!? Anyways I packed my lunch and dinner and I ate within my daily 27 points today - I actually have 4 left over still to have some form of snack later before bed.

There was chocolate at work and it looked soooo yummy, I ate one piece - wrote it in my journal and moved on. I was very proud of me today. The past four days I have gone out of control - today I reigned it in.

Tomarrow morning I meet up with my trainer Shannon - alittle nervous but will be happy when its done. Hopefully Im alittle less sore this time around :)

a good week here i come!!!

This is going to be a good week. We are taking this one day at a time for a good ... no scratch that... GREAT week!

I work 10a-1op tomarrow. I already prepped and made my lunch and dinner. I was very proud of myself ... it turned out sooooo yummy!

1 speghetti squash (cooked in microwave for 15 min then shredded)
1 zucchini
2 cups mushrooms
1 onion
lots of garlic
handful of fresh baby spinach
1/2 cup cut up tomatoe
2 triangles of laughing cow cheese (wanted goat but didnt have any)
splash of chicken broth

I sauted each veggie seperately to make each one perfect then cleared the bottom of the pan with the chicken broth, then mixed in all the veggies with the speghetti sqash and the cheese til the cheese was mixed in then done... so so so so so yummy! And my house smells AWESOME.

This makes 2 servings. Technically every thing is 0 points except the cheese which is 2 so technically this is 1 point per serving. Im giving it 3 though for the veggie calories included.

So tomarrow my food plan...
breakfast -
egg whites on a bagel thin - 2 points
lunch-
veggie mix with toasted sandwich thin 4 points
Dinner-
same = 4 points
Snacks
Green monster 3 points
cottage cheese 3 points
carrots 0 points
apple 1 point
orange 1 point
fiber one bar 2 points

Thats 20 points. Im sure I will have a coffee or two which is 1-2 points and a snack when I get home from work so should end right at 27 points.

Since I dont have to be at work til 10 tomarrow I plan to get a run in the am - hopefully outside with my Gracie girl. I need to get my distances up!

It is going to be a good week - I am taking back control!

why?

Why is weight loss so hard when gaining it is soooo easy???

If you couldnt tell from recent post, I have been slacking a bit. I have been eating crap, drinking practically NO water and not exercising for about 4 days now and I feel GROSS. I am not sure what started it - the stress from exam, starting my period, or just because but I do know it needs to end.

Its interesting that when you eat healthily - get all of your colors in, natural ingredients, no processed foods, water... you feel so much better. Your mood is better, your skin feels better, your nails look better. EVERYTHING is better. And eating crud makes you feel like crap but you keep eating it and it doesnt even taste that good and you keep eating it and feel more like crud which makes you keep eating it... its a BAD cycle and it sucks.

So this morning I got up and had my one cup of coffee and made a green monster smoothie to drink on my way into work, got a few funny stares when I got here but oh well... I just had my oatmeal. I want junk - my body is craving it by my brain is not giving in.

Oh and I know I needed a kick in the butt to get motivated so I stepped on the scale today - a day early. I know I have taken in alot of sodium and its that time of the month so Im fluid retaining anyways but I have also eaten like a pig - and I was WAY up on weight! 181! I lost my under 180 pride!

Im back!

So first off I passed my exam! I was sooooo nervous! About half way through the exam I had to go and get some water and try not to hyperventilate. I didnt think it was going well. I didnt think I passed when I was done... but I did. I am officially an NP! WOOHOO! So now the wait for the board of nursing to grant me the go ahead and the hospital to grant me privilages. More hurry up and wait. But Im excited - for the most part. Now everything else has kicked in though - now I am going to have to leave my comfort zone and go back to being a novice which is very scary.

I have also gone back off the deep end. I havent worked out since my trainer worked me out - not once in 3 days! I told myself I was going to run yesterday before my test but went out to breakfast instead. I was going to get up this morning but I just cant get up and workout at 430 am... I keep trying but I cant. I also have eaten like a big. Thur I went out to dinner, fri out to breakfast and fastfood for lunch. Today they brought me in bagels to celebrate my passing. I need to get back on track!

I am one extreme to the other. I either am a crazy healthy person that annoys those around me or I am a grazing pig that goes massively overboard. I cant seem to find a healthy happy balance. I am terrified when its time for me to go into maintenence mode.

Now that Im done studying, I think I need to get the rest of my life in order. I think it will help me with everything else... I need to get my house clean, my piles of clothes dealt with, my car clean. I need to declutter my life, I think it will help.

Tomarrow is the day...

So tomarrow is it - all the studying, all the time hopefully will be worth it :)

I was sort of proud of myself today. First I got a bit of solid studying done at the school library. Then I decided I need to relax. I came home, took a quick 45 min nap and then played like crazy with my 3 year old (he insisted on playing Army, not my favorite but told me "Mommy we can play ponies next time if you want"... love him!), then went to dinner with my hubby and kid. Enjoyed pizza, a beer, some chocolate... it was awesome. Over the calorie count but who cares its just one day. Then watched tv with my love.

SO I am officially relaxed. I know it will go away the second I try to lay down for the night. Tomarrow I will be a mess but right now I am ok.

Tomarrows plan -
1. Wake up around 7 or 730 and get a run in.
2. Head down to Columbia early, find a diner and get a decent breakfast in, some last minute note look over then...
3. PASS MY EXAM!!!

S & S

Yup thats me today - S & S (sore and stressed!)

For the sore part - I knew it was coming but wow... I am SORE. My chest, underarms, and my entire legs are sore. Its a good sore but still sore. Will be fun trying to workout through it today and tomarrow.

So the stressed part... OMG my test is TOMARROW! WOW I wanted it to be here so much but then it came and it came fast! I have been studying - alot and I hope its enough. I feel like I have a grasp on most of it. Last night Katie called me to quiz me on gastrointestinal disorders and management. Stupid me went into my room where it was quieter and layed on the bed to go through it - about 20 min into it I almost fell asleep! I had to say you know what Im done. Thanked her, said goodnight to Eric and headed to bed at 9pm. That is very early for me! Shockingly I woke up 5 min before my alarm went off at 6am... that never happens. So I am enjoying some coffee, talking to you all then will get in the shower and get moving.

Plan for the day

• Head to school by 730, do some major library time until about 3 or 330pm. I need to cover shock, glaucoma, cateracts, health promotion and I need to rego over pulmonary, endocrine, heart valve disorders/murmers, GI/GU, and STD's... seriously I was gagging as I went over the discharge on STDs yesterday - ewww!
• Pack my lunch and snacks to take with me and if its as pretty as they say then lunch will also include alittle walk around the city.
• Tonight my entire goal is to RELAX... When I get home I am planning to play with my little man, jump on the trampoline, go out for the best pizza ever (La Cucina....yummmmm), have a great glass of wine or a beer, bubble bath, back rub and bed early.
• Tomarrow I have to be there at 1230, its about an hour away. So I think I will get up early, go for a run in the rain, head down there around 9ish and have breakfast all by myself, briefly go over my notes then go in and PASS MY EXAM!!!

Oh and bonus - my naked post pee weight this morning was 176.5.... I have not seen that weight in YEARS!

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Just thats me... laughing... hahahahahahaha

Laughing at myself! Here I thought I was really getting in shape. I though "hell I can run 3 miles, I am becoming a runner, an athlete"....hahahahaha... NOT

Today I got my butt kicked. I decided I need to tone up so I had a physical trainer come to my house and work me out for an hour. I asked her to do it almost bootcamp style. I asked her to push me... turns out she didnt have to push that hard. Between my hard breathing, grunting and dripping sweat I think I may have even scared her - I think she may have thought "wow this girl is out of shape, hope she doesnt have a heart attack". I had to use super small weights and the bosu ball is now not a friend of mine. I thought the bosu ball would be easy.... again... laughing...hahahaha.

But on the plus side - I had a great workout for me. I sweated like a pig. I got my heart rate up for an hour. My arms and legs are jelly and my abs feel like someone punched me... shocking but all of that feels GREAT. I think that having her help once or twice a week will really give me the push I need. And maybe, just maybe in a month or two I can do the full fast bootcamp style workout I wanted to begin with. I can make my trainer think "wow I shaped her into something great"... I want to be the after shot of a before and after fitness overhaul.

So yes Im laughing, but I will be laughing all the way to the new me!

ready

I am ready for my life not to revolve around a test.

I am ready for my days off to be actual days off.

Im ready for SPRING and SUMMER.

Im ready to sit outside and enjoy the warmth of the sun.

Im ready to kick my running up a notch and get over the fear of longer distances - come on 5 miles!

Im ready to buy new smaller clothes! I think I will have to do this sooner than later, my smallest pants are baggy and make me feel blah and bummy.

Im ready to stop fearing things that are out of my control.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday I was coming home from my swim class and I got one of my "oh yea" moments. I looked down at my forearms when I was driving and they are smaller! I have lost alittle bit of weight here and there but never enough that I could really tell the difference in my body. Its an amazing feeling. Im thinking in another 10 lbs it will be REALLY noticeable.

Come friday I have a slight life again, yes I will have to do alot of reading and learning for my new job but not cramming like I am right now. I hate that I am so stressed over this damn test. Its a BIG test that holds ALOT of power over my life right now. TWO MORE DAYS! In 2 days I can officially say I am a nurse practitioner! Christina Savage, RN, MS, CRNP

woohoo!

quick update

• Studing is going well - I feel like Im making some serious progress and am feeling more hopeful about friday.
• Although I had a HORRIBLE run yesterday, I had a great swim class today and Im so excited about my training session tomarrow.
• I have stayed within my daily points yesterday and today - woohoo Im back!!!

ok so partially MIA

It appears that I NEED to be on here and follow my fav weight loss blogs and be accountable.

I have eaten like a PIG today - I came back from my 3 days of actually doing ok, working out they way I should and being responsible about most of the food went in my mouth. Well my fear came to reality. When I splurge alittle then it turns into alot and I CANT STOP! Today I told myself "just one more day" - despite packing my healthy lunch I ate ... chips, icecream, 4 brownies, a few pieces of candy, McDonalds for dinner, dorittos and eggos with butter and syrup, pepsi... wow saying all that really just sounds, well, DISGUSTING. How did I put all of that in my mouth. It didnt fill the "hunger" since the "hunger" wasnt for food. I was bored at work today, I am MASSIVELY stressed about this test on Friday and I didnt work out today, what I actually crave. This all added up to my going MASSIVELY overboard... ridiculously overboard... FAT girl overboard. That is how I got here to begin with!

So I decided I need to come on here and put it all out there. Take responsibility for it and move on - try to learn something from this. Tomarrow is a new day - I need to get up, workout, plan my meals... drink some water - I drank NO water today! I feel like crud!

Oh and I cant seem to find my food journal...I need my journal!!!

Going to be MIA

So I will be MIA for the next week. I will update everyone on my trip away that I was stressing over - I made so so good food choices (definately could have been better but could have been worse too) and I worked out every single day I was gone... yaa me!

Anyways I will update with some more info and about how this week goes after friday - I have the biggest test so far of my career on friday and I feel like Im going to vomit every time I think about it. I will be taking my certification exam on friday to become a board certifed nurse practitioner - ALOT is riding on this exam. I will be in massive study mode for the rest of the week. I took off work and everything. I do have some stress relieving things planned during the week to help -
monday - run with gracie
tuesday - lunch with two amazing NP's I have been lucky to learn from in the past 2 years
wednesday - workout with my new trainer
thursday - dinner with my family
friday is D day!!!

annoyed with myself...

I am on day two of a rut... I need to get out of this NOW before I undo everything I have worked so hard on and quit! This is what I always do. I am NOT going to do that this time!!!

I need all my friendes out there to keep telling me that Im doing well and keep it up no matter what!

So yesterday I gave in and had a handful of candies and some cookies. I didnt workout when I got home last night because I had soooo much to get ready for with packing and all. This morning I tried to get up early and workout before G got up but I didnt, I figured I would get up at 7 with him and then while he is eating breakfast and watching his am cartoons, I would head out for a run. Well figures this is the ONLY time this year that Gavin slept in until 8 - now its time to get him ready for preschool and then I have to finish getting ready, take a shower and be ready to go by 10.

SOOOO I need to not go overboard the next three days... I am so looking forward to getting away from my life for just a few days (scared crapless to be out of my comfort controlled zone). BUT I need to get some workouts in while Im gone! I need to pack my snacks and pay attention to my hunger cues. I need to not go overboard with food. I cannot let food run my life!!!

On a plus note - I had fun trying on some of my older clothes that I havent used in a while last night. Everything I tried on looked better on me then it used to be!

STRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This whole post masters wait for credentialing, certification, and collaborative agreement is going to give me a freaking ulcer!!!

I feel 100% stressed out today and its really getting me down. Im also stuck at work for 12 hours which isnt helping. I cant stop yawning and my eyes are burning and I just want to curl up on the cough, watch a movie and take a nap. That would involve being home though. Since Im at work - what I really want to do is go get a cookie from the great cookie, some candy from the gift shop and a ton of chocolate. I want to eat myself into happiness.

I know that wont make me happy AT ALL - it will do the opposite. It wont make me feel better, wont make my emotions go away and will instead make me so mad at myself since I am doing so good.

It is just going to take one more little thing and I will be falling over the edge. I feel bitchy today and am probually not pleasant to be around. I already warned my hubby for when I get home... and that a massage, movie and a glass of wine would definately help!

proud

It feels awesome to be proud of myself - I go through long periods of time being very not proud of myself. Not proud of my weight, not proud of my looks, not proud of my behavior sometimes... it goes on and on!
Well today I am RIDICULOUSLY proud.
I am proud of who I am becoming.
I am proud of myself for taking the time to see I deserve it.

And I am super proud of what I just did. I am going out of town thur thru sat with my mom. It will involve eating out ALOT so tomarrow needs to be a right on day. So I just packed my food for work and decided instead of sandwiches or frozen veggie patties like I normally do - I decided to stick to meals that are fresh, healthy and free of things I cant pronounce! So I just baked some plain chicken with a garlic/fresh herbs seasoning, steamed some brocoli and made some brown rice that I mixed in sauted garlic and onion - my favorite! So here is my meal plan for tomarrow...

545 am Green Monster Smoothie (3), english muffin with small amt preserves (1.5)
8am Low sugar oatmeal (2) , coffee with skim milk (1)
10am wasa crackers with 2 wedges of laughing cow cheese (2)
1230pm chicken, rice, brocoli (4.5)
330pm cottage cheese with strawberries (3)
6pm chicken, rice, brocoli (4.5)
730pm ride home - small bag of carrots (0)
total points 21.5

That leaves 5.5 - so 5 points for after I get home - I am hoping to get a run in when I get home and then will allow myself to have a bowl of cereal with fruit or something of that nature after my workout.

My version of the Green Monster - Im trying to get it more green since the last one was bright purple!
1.5 cups fresh spinach
1 cup almond breeze
1/2 banana
1/2 cup blueberries
1/2 cup strawberries
Hope it turns out better! My other one was tasty but lacked in the leafy greens. I will get some flaxseed next time Im at the store to add next time.

As for my trip coming up... I am packing a cooler with
Apples
Oranges
Carrots
Roasted Garlic Hummus
A few bottles of water

sucked it up....

Today was suck it up day...

1. I sucked it up and went OUTSIDE in the cold and had an amazing 2 mile run - probually could have went for three but my dog was being a PITA. It felt AWESOME to run outside again!

2. I sucked it up and called the people that decide when I can take my certification exam for my nurse practitoner licence. They still technically had 2 more weeks to get back to me but I wanted to know NOW... so fearing they would tell me to quit calling, I called anyways and was SOOO happy I did. I have been approved to take the exam and the women gave me a confirmation # so that I could schedule my appointment for my exam without the letter. So I am officially taking my exam a week from Friday on March 12th. Now it is real and it is soooo scary! Alot depends on this exam. So I took off work all next week and while I have been studying quite a bit, I have kicked it up a notch.

3. I sucked it up and realized I need some help in the fitness department and while money is alittle tight, my health and happiness is just as important as anything else. SOOOO next week I have a personal trainer (THANKS SHANNON) coming to my house to kick my ass! I am so excited!!!

I am also excited about today - I am about to spend some fun quality time with my little man when he wakes up from his nap. Sometimes I LOVE my life!!!

March stats and goals...

So its the first of another month. Which means time to look at my stats and make my goals for this month.

Starting weight 196
Todays weight 179.5
Total loss 17.5lbs!!!

Starting and Todays measurements
Chest Starting -46in Today 42.5in Loss = 3.5in
Abdomen Starting-43 in Today 39in loss = 4 in
Hips Starting-47.5 in Today 44 in Loss = 3.5 in
Total inches lost - 11 inches!

Goals for March
1. Lose another 6 lbs. This will take me to 172.5 and will be 100% fully in the 170s and close to the 160s! This is 1.5 lbs a week and is definately doable if I work at it!
2. Lose 2 inches in each area - chest, abdomen and hips. I think I could have done better in the inches department in 7 weeks. I have done almost no toning exercises so I need to add toning/weights to my current routine. Im even going to look into possibly a trainer to help me out and really push it!
3. Run a total of 40 miles over the course of this month - that is slightly more than 3 miles 3 times a week. I need to start a running journal.