wednesday

SO this morning didnt happen. I over slept and I was so incredibly bummed and peeved at myself.

But I made up for it after working a tough busy 12 hours. I came home, got G ready for bed and hit the treadmill. I was starving so I ate alittle snack and headed down. I did a mile and just wasnt feeling it - was aiming for 3 miles. So after the first time I decided to do a mile of rolling hills with incline at 5. Then a few sprints. All in all I got a great sweaty workout in.

Tomarrow is a spin day. I may try to run tomarrow during the day as well and take friday as a lighter workout day before I meet up with Nicole to run saturday morning.

Im totally loving this weather btw!

Ready... Set .... RUN!

Tomarrow is a running before work morning. More specifically, tomarrow is a running before work but on the treadmill since hubby has to work early tomarrow morning.

Im not a fan of waking up to run on the treadmill... BUT tomarrow it will happen.

My clothes are out and ready.

My ipod is charged.

Tomarrow is a 3 mile day.

I can do this.

I WILL do this.

I got this!

a different view...

The last few weeks I have noticed that I am looking at myself differently. Im happy when I look in the mirror. Im not horribly embarrassed in my bathing suit at the gym - no towel wrapped around me or anything. I dont feel out of place around other women... for the first time in a long long time.

Dont get me wrong - I know Im not near goal yet (30 lbs to go) but I finally feel on the upper end of normal. I feel like I fit in. Yes I still have rolls on my belly. Yes my face is alittle too full and my arms still jiggle a bit. But Im on the upper crust of normal. Im getting there.

I like what I see in the mirror. I like how my clothes are fitting and I cant wait to see how things change as I get closer to goal.

a good day...

Today will be a good day... I CAN feel it!

Will be getting ready for the gym in a bit. Wishing a different teacher was teaching the spin class but I will get my sweat on.

What to make for dinner tonight - dont have a clue. Im so excitged that I will actually see my husband tonight! Its been almost 5 days! I HATE when he is on evenings and Im working a stretch... love that he is back on days!

better mood...

My mood is lifting - my cold is subsiding yaaa.

Tomarrow I am heading to the gym to make up for no working out in the past 3 days - so tomarrow its spinning, weights and playing in the pool with G.

This is going to be a good week... a great week!

TIRED

CRANKY

Blah

I have worked ALOT the last few days. Havent seen my husband or kid for more than 10 min each night before bed. Its that time of the month and I have a cold.

Seriously?!?

annoyed with myself

Im annoyed with myself this morning. I set up everything before I went to bed last night to run today. Set my coffee maker, pulled out my running clothes. Set my alarms. Took some nite time cold medicine (that was the problem). Alarms went off and I talked my half asleep self into running tonight instead and went back to bed.

I HATE RUNNING AT NIGHT! Plus dh will be working so I have to run on the treadmill. I HATE RUNNING ON THE TREADMILL! So I may decide to do a strength training workout today instead of tomarrow and run tomarrow with a quick 1 mile run today before the strength training.

saturday

I have gotten a shockingly large amount of things accomplished today. Very proud of myself.

Started off at work this morning but work was pretty slow so I got to go home at 1pm - yaaa. I have been feeling a bit under the weather - hoping just allergies but still feeling crappy so I came home first and took a nap. Best nap EVER! Then sucked it up and decided to go do some shopping. First I needed scrubs since mine are too big :) So I got new scrubs and went to a few other stores and tried on some clothes.

I LOVE TRYING ON CLOTHES NOW!
It is so so so much more fun!

I didnt buy anything but I liked almost everything on me! I then hit target for some random shopping and spent way too much money.

I decided today would be my rest day instead of monday. And I also decided to have a me day for the rest of the day since my family are all busy doing other things and Im all alone. So Im watching Alice in wonderland, made a 7 point dinner with homemade guacamole, salsa and baked tortila chips. I bought an adorable nail polish that is like a grayish purple - more gray then purple and Im going to give myself a pedicure in just a bit.

Tomarrow is an early early morning run then work. fun fun.

168,,,,

This mornings weigh in... 168, down 1.5 lbs. To be honest - I am very bummed out. I know a loss is a loss. I know that it was a long shot for a huge loss since I did great the last 4-5 days but horrible the first 1-3 days of this week. Not sure if the super bummed out part is hormonal - almost that totm... or because of this damn head cold that is making me miserable!

Heres to a good day.

uhhh...

Seriously why does the scale have SO much control over me. I have been scared/dreading and everything else weighing in tomarrow. I have thought about it non stop... every minute. I HATE THAT! And I finally gave in and stepped on the scale - in the evening with clothes on... not when I normally weigh in. So mums the word until the real weigh in tomarrow morning.

Tomarrow...

Great start to the day!

Had a great day.

1. Had an awesome spin class today!
2. Stayed within my points!
3. DID NOT STEP ON THE SCALE!
4. Cooked healthy food for the next four days of working LONG shifts.
5. Set the coffee maker for tomarrow, layed out my workout clothes, packed my lunch.
6. Treated myself to new highlights - shorter do. See pic above... sorry no makeup!

Tomarrow will be another track run - aiming for 3 miles. 515 am :( uhhhhh

Going to do another week or so of easy flat road running then I will need to add some hills. fun fun!

And to end with a cute pic - G dancing wearing daddys socks... too cute!

OK now on to what happenned today...

I wasnt going to post tonight but I have some down time so I thought what the heck ... so here I am.


TRACK RUNNING

SO I got up EARLY (515am) and was dressed, at the high school track and running by 530... impressive huh?!? This was my first run before work in this training... yaaa me. So the good - first I did it! SecondI got in 2.5 miles even though it was SO humid that it felt like I was breathing through a wet towel and while I didnt do much distance wise and had to walk briefly here and there - what I did run, I ran pretty quickly for me. Also my energy was pretty up there most of the day with starting it with a run. THe best part of going to the track this morning was the person I met but more on her in a minute. The bad... it was HOT, humid, gross.

So when I got to the track there was a women sitting in her car. When I opened my door so did she and she said she was happy someone else was there because she didnt want to be on the track that early by herself... I was relieved too! I had visions of being abducted and my hubby is in bed asleep and doesnt even know Im missing. So we chatted for a few minutes. She had some friends meeting her so I started running and she walked with her friends. When I was done and walking my cooldown lap, I noticed she was now walking by herself so I asked if she wanted company for a lap. Something I normally wouldnt have done. Glad I did. This women was a huge inspiration to me. In January she was 360 lbs, today she is about 250 on her own. She told me that when she started she could barely walk one lap. Now she walks 1-2 miles every single morning. She has aspirations of running the disney half marathon and is saving up for Jan 2012. I was in aww.

A BETTER ME

I think that along this journey I have learned more and more about who I am and who I want to be. I think that I am more at ease in my skin and I like me more. That comes through as a nicer happier me.

Last year I would say half of the people that met me would tell you I was a bitch. Not everyone likes me, thats putting it nicely. I have not been known to be a nice person.

I feel like Im seeing less and less of that me as time goes by. Im smiling more. I say hi to strangers on the street. I genuinely want to get to know people that I normally would just shrug off. I know most of that shrugging was because I wanted to turn them down before they turned me down. I had such poor self esteem. That is improving in leaps and bounds.

For the first time in a long time I am genuinely happy. What a feeling.


Oh and I DID NOT WEIGH MYSELF TODAY! WOOHOO

:)

I have a ton to say but I need to get ready for work... here are little hints to remind me once I get home tonight...

1. motivational meeting at track
2. nicer happier more pleasant me
3. muggy hot nasty yucky run but woohoo did it

More good than bad...

All in all today has been a good day.

I got up and ate my go to healthy breakfast - 3 egg whites, WW cheese on a lite muffin for 3 points.


Then I headed to the gym to my favorite room at the gym... the spin room!


This is me after a good sweat! Love getting my sweat on!


Then after cleaning my house and letting my little man nap - my best friend and I took the boys to bounce and had so much fun!


Below is my food journal for today.

Now before I got to bed I will pack up my clothes for running in the am. Tomarrow is my first day with running before work in this whole training thing. Oh and I found my 10K for August! WOOHOO Raven Romp!

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FOOD JOURNAL

egg white sandwich/coffee 3 points
spicy blackbean sandwich 3 points
carrots with hummus 1 point
popcorn 2 points
bites of Gs food 2 points
greek yogurt with bran flakes 3 points
1/4 of G's pizza 5 points
Salad with dsg onside 2 points
chocolate bread thing 2 points
iced coffee with skim milk 1 point
= 24 points, 2 left over for some cantalope in a bit

the scale...

The scale is my enemy! It talks to me all the time - even when I hide it! When it has a great loss on it from day to day then I somehow turn that into a binge because Im doing soooo well and if it sucks and has a gain then I turn that into a binge because I feel like a failure.

Its a HORRIBLE cycle!

This week I will not step on that damn scale until my weigh in day on saturday... I wont I wont I wont!

On a side note this week Im the spotlight chick in my CM biggest loser contest. I forgot about it sunday and monday :( SO my blog will actually get some pictures!

Have a busy day planned today - will chat when I get home tonight!

monday...

So today is a beginning to another week - my first week with a full training program planned. I needed the push to get my mind past this weekend where it appears I couldnt stop eating!

So this morning I got myself out of bed and headed right down stairs to the gym... much better way to start the day.

This weeks training plan...
Monday - strenth training, squats
Tuesday - spin class, squats
Wednesday - 2.5 mile run/squats
Thursday - spin class/squats
Friday - 1.5 mile run/strength training/squats
Sat - 2.5 mile run/squats

Im starting to hate squats... but I did sign up for the 100 squats a day challange and you know how much I love a challange. Not to mention I love the way my hiney is lookings...

Insomnia

Insomnia SUCKS. I tried to go to bed at 11 last night because I really wanted to run before breakfast with the inlaws. The last time I looked at the clock it was 3! And the sleep after that wasnt deep, I couldnt get my brain to shut up. And about nothing really important. uhhhhh!

bummed

annapolis 10 miler is already full... before I registered! uhhhh Now I need to find another run in August and I cant seem to find one!

so much to post - too many title options...

I have alot to say this morning - Im going to try to limit it a bit and going to try not to sound to OCD... here goes!

FRIENDSHIP

It is NOT easy making friends as an adult. Yes its easy to make acquatences at work or at the gym, people you chat with but real friendship is difficult. Adult life gets in the way and its hard to nurture the beginning of a friendship to make it go from friendly to true friendship. Its hard to give it the time it needs and attention - between work, family, life. Everything takes up your time. I have been very lucky to alway have one good friend, that friend has changed over the years as life has took turns here and there and needs change. I have been lucky always to have someone to go to if I need to talk, someone to call any hour of the day/night if need be, someone I can be myself around and not feel like I have to impress them (love ya Rach!) ... ok so yes that was corney but here comes the more corney part... I think I have a new friend :) I have a new running partner - more to come on that in a minute - and we click. We have alot in common and the small amount I know about her so far it feels like we were seperated at birth :) She reads this so I hope Im on the right mark... its not every day you really feel like you click with somone, expecially as you get older. Just yesterday I was responding to a discussion on friendship as an adult women ... for the longest time I felt that I didnt have a ton of friends because of me - that I was self conscience or that I was too boring and would shy away from really getting to know people and allow that friendship to happen. Turns out ALOT of women feel this exact same way.

RUNNING

Soooo... today is the first day that I actually feel hopeful and that my aspirations of a LONG run will actually happen. Yes I only ran 2.5 miles today but I did it strong. I didnt want to stop, my breathing stayed even through the entire run, my side didnt hurt. It felt GREAT!

Today was my first run with Nicole - I took a pic at the end of our run to mark the occation.


I felt like a dork bringing my camera but I thought this might be the beginning of something amazing. This is our first run and by the fall we will be 1/2 marathon ready so this is after 2.5 miles and we are smiling - lets see if we can smile through 13.1!

I feel hopeful!

Being Productive

So getting up early sucked this morning - I stayed up a bit too late last night. BUT I did it. It helped that I had someone expecting me. My training will have me running alot on work days so I need to start getting up early and get moving if I want to suceed.

This morning already has been so productive - its 1030 am and I have already ran 2.5 miles, weeded my front yard, jumped on the trampoline with G, made a rocking healthy breakfast, played trains, took a shower and wrote this novel of a post. And I feel like I have a ton of energy! Later today we will be taking a family nap - love those! Playing outside, cooking out, bon fire tonight, movie night with hubby after G is in bed. A great saturday!

Oh and I lost 4 lbs this week! Granted I gained 2 last week but still!


And on a sour note...

Last night I had a mini binge - probually consumed about 1000 calories after dinner. We went out for icecream and a ride in the convertable last night. Then I ate like 3 fruit rollups and some toast with peanut butter. I wasnt hungry - I didnt need it but I couldnt stop... I HATE THAT! I think it was all emotional eating and I made myself even sit down afterwards and work out what it was all about... yesterday I babysat my 6 month old niece in addition to my 3 year old. I felt like a failure - I couldnt get anything done, dinner was a disaster, I kept snapping at my son for things that normally wouldnt... I want another kid but after a day like yesterday dont feel like I would do two kids well... I felt like such a failure.

early...

I stayed up WAY to late last night and now I am TIRED! Its 715... Im up. Will be heading to the track in about 20 min to meet Nicole. Thank goodness I had plans to meet up with someone to run - if it was just hubby and me I would have just rolled over and gone back to sleep!

The next few months will have ALOT of early morning runs - I definately need to start sleeping earlier!

My blog cut off the plans for the last week but you get the idea. The first 2 weeks are just getting back into the swing of running, as will the end of june. Then 7/18 I will start my 12 weeks of training for the 1/2! I am actually excited. I think I will be TIRED but happy. Hopefully this will help in the weight department too!




SO I am folling the novice 1/2 marathon running plan...

http://www.halhigdon.com/halfmarathon/novice.htm
Which if you notice from my workout schedule follows the
1. strenth training then
2. run then
3. cross train then
4. run/strength train then
5. rest then
6. cross train then
7. lengthen your run

and every week for the 12 weeks the runs get progressivly longer.

This morning I ran on the treadmill for almost 2 miles. Tonight I will be doing some strength training and squats. Tomarrow the three of us are heading to the track early in the am for my and hubby to get a run in and g to ride his bike - hopefully no one else is there and they dont mind :)

I am SO excited to possibly have a running partner - looks like Nicole from CM is going to take the journey with me!

running goals...

Ok here it is...

July 7/3 - unofficial 5K in Havre de grace

August 8/29 10miler
http://www.active.com/running/annapolis-md/annapolis-ten-mile-run-2010

September 9/11 - 5k
9/11 http://www.active.com/page/Event_Details.htm?event_id=1870116

October 10/16 - 1/2 marathon!
http://www.active.com/running/baltimore-md/baltimore-running-festival-2010

running a half marathon...

I have had some inspiration the past few days - most without even knowing it was happenning until it HIT me!

To all of you that didnt even know you were inspiring someone - thank you!

I have decided to quit being scared of failure. Quit being scared of not being the person I KNOW I can be, the person I know I am!

I deserve better love and understanding from myself.

SO I have decided this summer I will get to goal weight - 140lbs. Thats only 28lbs... I found a new blog today of someone amazing who did 100lbs in 8.5 months. I can do 28 in 3-4 months. I also want to feel like that runner again.

I am going to run a half marathon!

I dont have all of the logistics yet but will by the end of the weekend and will share with everyone my plan but this is what Im thinking so far.

1. About 4 weeks to get back in 5K form - I have been running about 2 miles consistantly 1-2 times a week so it shouldnt be that hard.
2. 12 week training plan for the half.
3. Will register this weekend for either a 5k or 10k in July, Aug and September as well as find and register for the 1/2 in October this weekend.
4. All dates will go on the big family calander this weekend.

Im excited - scared but EXCITED!

when will the fat girl feelings go away?

Yes I know Im not tiny. Yes I know I still have about 30 lbs to lose... BUT Im in the 160s thats not HUGE anymore. I am the size of atleast 1/3 of the women I run into, if not smaller. Im not a fat girl anymore. Im not 200 lbs anymore. So WHY do I keep feeling the exact same?

Today I went to the gym and had a rocking spin class. I got G from the gym daycare and we got our bathing suits on and headed to the kiddie pool outside. Im actually feeling pretty decent in my bathing suit these days so it wasnt the bathing suit - shocker I know. Well in the kiddie pool I ran into a girl that I went to middle school with. I said hi and asked her if we knew each other since she looked so familur and turns out 6th and 7th grade... that was ALONG time ago - crazy! But then I went into fat girl mode. I didnt feel "cool" or likable and thought that noone would want to talk or hang out with me because Im the big girl.

Now my brain knows that those feelings are crazy. Im a nice good sometimes funny great person to get to know. And there were women WAY bigger than me at the pool yet I completly lost all of my confidence and went into self conscience blah mode.

WHY does that happen and will it ever go away?

will day four be just as grand?

So I have been at work 36 hours in the past three days - I planned well and didnt have to do alot of thinking. Never let myself get to starving and stayed within my daily points.

For the next four days I am off... my off days are SO much more difficult. I will get my workouts in but eating is always a challange because I dont have something to keep me so occupied and I always want to go out to eat... it helps that Rach is away (miss you) but if she was here we definately would be taking the boys out to eat or something.

So workout wise for the next few days -
1. Spin class and upper body weights this morning
2. Running on the track tomarrow afternoon
3. Spin class saturday morning
4. an easy jog sunday morning
Not to mention the 150 squats each evening.

Im excited to get back into running - I have a few inspiring ladies over at Chesapeake Mommies that have been running. I am hoping to get together with a few for some moke 5K's in the next few weeks and an event with them in the fall.

I think I have some stiff competition for the CM biggest loser contest this time around... I have to be at the top of my game the ENTIRE time. Last time I slacked for 1/3 of it. I would like to be at 150 by the reweigh in.

Ok back to these next four days.... eating.
I have to journal every day. I will stop by Harmons on the way home from the gym and get some yummy fresh local just picked veggies.

Fathers day is sunday - no clue what IM doing for hubby yet... what to do what to do!?

another day... woohoo!

One day at a time and its working! I worked today so not a ton of exercise but I have been taking the stairs more. Im about to do my 150 squats for the day. I already signed up the 930 am spin class.

Eating has been right on.

YAAA me!

Day two going well...

I have planned well this week so far - stayed within my points. Just finished 150 squats and my thighs are a burning!

I can do this.

I can do this.

I can do this!

great way to start a monday!

I am having a great monday and its only 615am!

First I actually got up when I wanted to at 510am when my alarm went off... the entire time I was getting dressed to run I kept repeating over and over "you will be happier when its done, you will be thankful you did this" because I really just wanted to go back to bed! I havent ran in a while so instead of just going all out - I pulled out the running stuff from week 4 of the couch to 5k and rocked it... probually should have done week 5.

And while running I had alittle moment - out of no where my conscience asked myself...

"why do you act like you dont want this anymore? Why do you act like eating healthy and moving your body is a punishment"

The question came out of no where and it made me almost stop in my tracks... because I DO want this but that is exactly how I have been acting!

After getting my sweat on I completed my 100 perfect form squats. I did it in the gym with a mirror in front and beside me... makes a big difference in your form if you can actually see it. FYI I like my hiney!

Now Im eating my egg white sandwich and it will be time to get ready for work. My super healthy lunch and snacks are packed.

It will be a good day! Great start to a good week!

where have I been...

Obviously not on here! And not really with the program either.

On a positive note I just had an amazing 4 days with my wonderful husband and hilarious 3 year old at the beach. We had a ton of fun and did not want to come home today. But regardless today we are home and back into the real world.

Time to get back into the swing of things.

While I was "away" (away from life, away from blogging, away from healthy anything - and no I dont mean just the last 4 days) I did alot of thinking. Here are some of my random thoughts...

1. I like dairy, why the hell am I torturing myself cutting it out? Yes it was very do-able but while I was not eating dairy I struggled not to binge, struggled to eat within my points and over all did HORRIBLE. I lost NO weight because I couldnt focus on just being healthy. So I am re-adding dairy into my life. It wont be like before and I have found some things I like better - like almond breeze in my coffee instead of fat free half and half but I miss my greek yogurt and goat cheese and lite sourcream on my potatoe. So I will knock it down a notch but bringing it back.

2. I MISS WORKING OUT! I feel SOOOO much better working out - I need to make it a priority and make myself start getting out of the damn bed in the am and get my workout in on days I work!

3. I do not drink nearly enough water - ever.


SO today we got back from Virginia Beach and it was time to focus. I forced myself to go to the grocery store. Not what I wanted to do after a 6 hour drive but I did it. And even more not on the fun list - I cut up stuff and I cooked! I steamed fresh green beans, cut up cantalope, sauted onions and mushrooms to put in the brown rice I steamed, sauted some chicken breast. I was a women on a mission. I have food for most of the week. My hubby works evenings this week so normally I eat horribly - not this week.

I weighed myself 173 - in the afternoon after my hiatis - I expected much higher.

One week at a time. This week I will stay within my points every day. I will workout atleast 4 times this week. I miss running. I miss spin class. I have those nifty new spin shoes! I also miss weight training. My arms were starting to feel awesome, now not so much!

To a great coming week!

A needed push/progress/future...

Since January I have lost 25 lbs and have kept them off but the past month or so has been really hard. I have gained a lb or two then lost a few then gained a few. I have made NO progress this week and I have felt out of sorts. I have lost the mojo and miss it big time.

What started my major progress last time was the CM Biggest Loser contest... I came in second. I was close and the contest really drove me to push myself. Well today was my weigh in for The Biggest Loser 2... per her scale I was 173.6. My scale runs alittle less than hers and I weighed in at 171.



My goal for this contest obviously is to come in first not second this time around :) hehe.... The other goals - get down another 20lbs, ton up, be the best me I can be and help push the other ladies to do just as great... I want everyone to succeed... I want the competition!

SO I decided I needed to reevaluate where I am right now. So first I figured out my new BMI... 32. Yes that says at 173.6 lbs I am still considered OBESE... not overweight... OBESE... I hate that damn BMI!

Second I redid my measurements. I havent done them since end of April. There isnt much of a difference in my measurements over hte past month or so but looking at the big picture I have made a considerable leap body wise. I am offically now a size 12... not a 16. Since the beginning - I have lost 5in at my bust, 6in on my stomach and 4.5 inches from my hips. Not too shabby.


So time to find my mojo. Time to get back into the swing of things. Time for me to be good to me again. Time for me to again worry about me and put me first.

I havent been dealing with stress well lately either - I miss the happy high feeling I had before when I was running religiously. I handled life better then.