Impressed

Yup Im impressed .... with myself! Hehehe

I have gone 4 entire days where I have stayed 100% within my daily points... I have NEVER done this before!

Im so proud of me!!!

I am SOOOOO happy!

Everything is coming together. The stress is slowly melting away, time is going by and I am so so so happy!

First I went and weighed in yesterday - down 2.2 lbs. I was hoping for another three but its that fabulous time of the month so I guess 2.2 is good. I stayed within my points all week, over did it a bit at taco bell one night but still stayed within my points. I think it really helps not weighing myself every day ... now im shocked and excited to weigh in. My day is focused on what the scale says that morning. Before if I had a good daily weight then I would let things slide because I dont have to lose "that much" or if it was a bad weigh in day then I compensating by eating crap to make myself feel better... surprise surprise I didnt feel any better. Right now I feel better :) My points start over on tuesdays - yesterday and today 100% within my points and no weekly ones used. Im trying to save ALL of them to enjoy a single meal with Racheal on Saturday when we go outlet shopping... to be able to splurge a tiny bit.

Second super happy note... school is ALMOST DONE! I have 20 days left, I cant believe it! It has been a long 3 years but now it is flying. I have 20 days, one paper, 1/2 a project and 2 exams still and then Im DONE! Today I gave a presentation on patient risk factor stratification regarding postoperative nausea and vomiting (mouth full I know) - I got a 99.25%... woohoo!!!

I like me alot sometimes, and this week is one of those times. I really like me. I am a good person and deserve to love myself!

night shift

so my night shift is going well. Its now 545am, Im sooooo ready to go home but other than that it is going well...

BUT it started off pretty rocky. I went to leave my house at 545 last night and my battery was DEAD (I left my damn lights on!) and if I wasnt in such a rush then it would have been hilareous to see Racheal and I trying to jump start my car. Thank goodness for a great friend. Not only did she watch my kid overnight so I could work, she even lent me her car to get to work since of course we couldnt get my car started and the fates were aligned on friday the 13th because my SUV is in the shop getting the check engine light thing checked out...of course! BUT I got to work.

I did NOT order chinese with the rest of the group. Only enjoyed 2 pieces of chocolate and have a ton of my food left over - I will be fine for points today, I was worried. I didnt drink ANY water tonight though - lots of coffee and diet pepsi... but its my first night shift in a year and I needed to boost!

I didnt work out today - I meant to but it didnt happen and my hamstrings are soooo tight. Not a clue how I will feel after only sleeping 4 hours today - we will see.

11/12/09

Only my clumsy ass can give myself a black eye! I had a coughing fit getting out of the car and hit my eye on the corner of my eye. Cut a small hole in my eye lid, bled, and my eye ball is sore! I will have one heck of a black eye tomarrow! Which is going to look great when I go to interview for a new job!

Im doing good food wise. I have the munchies right now really bad and so I gave in to 3 points worth - 1/2 serving of peanut butter on light toast and a cup of hot tea. Im not allowing myself to have anything else! Today I was so proud of myself - I went to panera today with R and didnt endulge. Instead I had a cup of fruit and a coffee and made myself breakfast when I got home. Then I had school and stayed extra through dinner - I had a subway sub, apples and water for dinner instead of all the goodies I would have rather had. Yaa me! I wanted a sweet with coffee at class, I looked at everything in the coffee shop. I was willing to splurge with 160 calories, but no luck. No wonder im fat... the smallest itsie brownie was 280! and it was TINY. So instead I ate the orange I brought with me.

Im alittle worried about friday and saturday. Tomarrow Im working night shift which makes me awake more than normal and sometimes I eat to stay awake on night shift. SO im going to have to pack lots of low point snacks. Then Sat I will be VERY tired and its hard to focus the way I normally would and Im going out to dinner with friends and our boys. Wish me luck!

todays weigh in

I weighed in today - down 3 lbs. I should be super happy about it but Im not. My brain knows 2-3 lbs/week is awesome! BUT I have worked my tail off this week. I have watched EVERYTHING that went into my mouth. I have drank my water. I have worked out WAY more than normal... a few months ago doing weightwatchers there were weeks where I only did the plan half the time, ate out 3-4 times and had a few beers and I would lose 3 lbs... it just doesnt seem fair!

But I am proud of myself for getting one week down. Taking it one day, one week at a time.

I am not doing well with the whole commute thing. It seems like there have been a HORRIBLE traffic jam every day both directions. Last wed it took me almost 3 hours to get to school... 38 miles away! I was very late and missed a meeting with faculty. Today it took me 45 min to get the 11 miles on the beltway I needed to ... from 83 to White Marsh... it totally stresses me out. Thank goodness G wasnt in the car with me... I was screaming and yelling, arms waving... it was BAD... I need to learn to relax.

Tonight and tomarrow...

This morning I massively overslept and had a whole 15 min to shower and get ready for clinical this morning so barely had time for a fiber one bar and definatly did not get my work out in... which means I have to do it tonight :( I HATE working out at night... it should be the motivation to get up but not so much...

So I still need to work out (doing the Jillian 30 day shred, kicks my butt!) then have tons of school work to do before going to bed for clinical in the am... 30 more days!!!

I have NOOOOOOO desire to work out but thats my fault for not doing it this morning, no one elses and so I will have to suck it up and go through the motions... hopefully I will enjoy myself before Im done!

Tomarrow is weigh in day! I have worked really hard this week... I hope it shows. I hope I do well! DREADING IT! Stay tuned...

4 days down :)

So day four of following the plan.

Im doing it 100% but its hard.

I keep telling myself I need to go through the motions right now. I may not be there emotionally yet. I may not be able to picture myself super healthy. I am in a limbo where right now I need to go through the motions until It is me... right now what I WANT to do is go to McDonalds. What I WANT to do is have an icecream or a really yummy coffee drink from starbucks.

But what Im GOING to do ... keep trucking. Keep writing down what Im eating. Keep staying within my daily points. Keep drinking my water. Keep doing my daily exercising. JUST KEEP DOING IT!

Eventually it has to get easier... right??? Boy I hope so!

So as I said - Im in day 4. Three more days and I go weigh in... im nervous and excited all in one.

I am taking this one day at a time, one meal at a time.

I can...

Quote of the day...

"Tell me that I cant and I will show you that I can!"

Now not a single person has told me I "cant" do anything, I have an extremely supportive husband and friends BUT I tell myself I cant all the time. I need to prove to myself that I can. I am the one that holds myself back, noone but me.



On a side note, two days down of being with the program. Ran yesterday, weighed in - see yesterdays post it was NOT good! But today only a few points over my daily points - went out to dinner with Rach and ordered plain salmon, brocoli and a single glass of wine ... yaaa me! I didnt work out today... I kept making excuses, couldnt get out of bed this morning, had an early meeting at school (granted I missed it after being stuck in traffic for 3 fucking hours!), was going to work out when I got home but didnt want to take another shower before dinner out, took gracie for a long walk and then had food in my belly so no working out this evening. Tomarrow I have to.... no ifs ands or buts about it!

I have the house to myself - Eric and G are in Jersey visiting his sister. Its my hubbys bday, alittle bummed that Im not with him but he knows how special and wonderful I think he is and I couldnt take the time off of school. Im proud of me that I havent binged - normally with eric not here to see what im eating then I eat and I eat and I eat... I never feel full. But Im not giving in. I enjoyed a skinny cow icecream sandwich - so yummy - and im done!

what a day...

SO last night I couldnt sleep. Around 11pm I got up and decided to play on the computer, have a snack (of course) and watch some tv trying to get sleepy. Around 2am I had an apiffiny (sp?). I felt like crap. My back hurt, my boobs felt like they weigh 20 lbs. My pants that were getting so loose are now tight :( And I just feel gross. I dont feel good in my skin. Yesterday gavin was sick and carrying him into the house I realized that if I gain another 30 lbs it would feel like this all the time. And on the flip side, if I lost 30 lbs then wow what a relief that weight off would feel...

So this morning I got up to run. Did 2 miles today, felt good. ANd I decided to go weigh in. I havent weighed in in 6 weeks. I havent even thought about points in 6 weeks. I have pretty much binged for 6 weeks.

I walked in and told the lady that I
1. havnet been there in forever
2. have gained ALOT of weight and
3. lost my weigh in packet :(

Then I went on to tell her as she weighed me in the my pants were tight. And her responce... "its the poundage you have gained, wow"... OMG! I gained almost 8 lbs in 6 weeks!!! How is that possible!?!

So what do I do to change things? What do I do to keep myself motivated?

My goals have changed a bit - I realized I need to be good to myself, I need to love myself more and treat my body as something special. I need to realize that I am worth this and that doing these steps will
1. not kill me - I will not die if I dont have that piece of chocolate pie
2. make me feel good inside
3. give me energy
4. give me a better outlook on myself
5. increase my years of life
6. make me a good role model for my son
7. make me a happier person
8. wont be wasting the $40/month that I currently give WW!

SO many good things... I need to start being hard on myself, quit being a wimp, suck it up and DO it!!!