what a day...

SO last night I couldnt sleep. Around 11pm I got up and decided to play on the computer, have a snack (of course) and watch some tv trying to get sleepy. Around 2am I had an apiffiny (sp?). I felt like crap. My back hurt, my boobs felt like they weigh 20 lbs. My pants that were getting so loose are now tight :( And I just feel gross. I dont feel good in my skin. Yesterday gavin was sick and carrying him into the house I realized that if I gain another 30 lbs it would feel like this all the time. And on the flip side, if I lost 30 lbs then wow what a relief that weight off would feel...

So this morning I got up to run. Did 2 miles today, felt good. ANd I decided to go weigh in. I havent weighed in in 6 weeks. I havent even thought about points in 6 weeks. I have pretty much binged for 6 weeks.

I walked in and told the lady that I
1. havnet been there in forever
2. have gained ALOT of weight and
3. lost my weigh in packet :(

Then I went on to tell her as she weighed me in the my pants were tight. And her responce... "its the poundage you have gained, wow"... OMG! I gained almost 8 lbs in 6 weeks!!! How is that possible!?!

So what do I do to change things? What do I do to keep myself motivated?

My goals have changed a bit - I realized I need to be good to myself, I need to love myself more and treat my body as something special. I need to realize that I am worth this and that doing these steps will
1. not kill me - I will not die if I dont have that piece of chocolate pie
2. make me feel good inside
3. give me energy
4. give me a better outlook on myself
5. increase my years of life
6. make me a good role model for my son
7. make me a happier person
8. wont be wasting the $40/month that I currently give WW!

SO many good things... I need to start being hard on myself, quit being a wimp, suck it up and DO it!!!