181 181 181

That number and my scale are in conspiracy against me... I think they hate me :)

EVERY single time I try to lose weight I will get to 181... and it stays. Day after day, week after week the damn scale says 181 until I quit. EVERY SINGLE TIME!

This week so far I have lost 4 lbs - yes and no - since some of that was from last week but I was retaining water from that wonderful time of the month. So yes I am so so so excited that I have come that far and I have today and tomarrow before mondays weigh in... one more pound to go to get to my weekly challange I set for myself.

Having said that - I have weighed myself every morning for the past 3 mornings. 181, 181, 181. Last night I decided to weigh myself before bed to see what the difference is in my am and pm weights... 181 !Seriously? SO I thought for sure if my before bed weight last night was 181 then today in the am it had to ATLEAST be 180.5... nope 181.

I HATE THAT NUMBER... I just want to break away from that number and never look back.

Yes I know its a number but that particular number means something to be - its a personal demon that I need to defeat. Yes I am feeling smaller :) Yes my clothes are fitting better :) Yes my mood is SOOOO much better :) But I fear that I will be stuck here and my mind over body will win and the number and myself will defeat me again.

And I have to say, last night I was alittle bummed. My inlaws came over for dinner. I havent seen them in a few weeks and neither of them mentioned I looked alittle smaller - I thought it was super obvious but I guess not.

So I am tackleing this scale... I am logging off here and hitting the treadmill. Boy I cant wait for this damn beautiful snow to go away so I can run outside! Anyways todays goal - walk 5 min, run 25 min straight. Starting next run I am adding 1 min to my run time every run with the goal to get to 60 min of running straight.

Eric wants to go out to breakfast today and I may say ok but I will be ordering 1 piece of bacon (1 point), 1 egg (2 points) and a dry english muffin (2 points) with coffee. 5 point breakfast out ... I would rather have pancakes but not happenning today. Tonight is my moms birthday dinner at my house... I have control that way. I am making them a cheesy lasagna and making a dish of speghetti squash/zucchini fake lasagna that I will have. I am making fresh bread for them and my version of sandwich thin garlic bread for me. I will be having a slice of cake though :) But the cake will be made with applesauce and Im going to try the trick where you rebeat the store bought icing to double the volume and only use half of that.

Eric made the comment that I cant keep depriving myself of things - he wanted to go get icecream - I told him he was right in a way. I want to get closer to my goal weight then I will splurge here and there and kick out a massive workout to make up for it. But when you are trying to lose and you splurge then the workout only keeps you even - I want to be in the negative. Plus I have an issue stopping once I start to splurge. I havent found that happy mix yet. Plus Im doing so good that I dont want to mess that up!

OK off to run...