the good and the bad and the so so

The good...

I had a GREAT run today!

My longest run to date - 5 miles! Wasn't it just yesterday that I was so worried about getting over the 3 mile hump mentally. I was strong through the entire run. I was aiming for 6 miles but that would have been a 2 mile bump up and while running I talked myself out if it - that it was not a good idea to bump up that quickly. Last Saturday I ran a little over 4 miles. Today 5 miles. This Saturday planned 5 miles with Nicole. Next week I will up to 6 miles.

Tomorrow I am going to attempt to get to the gym at 530am for my spin class... hopefully I do not forget anything this time!

The bad...

I am either going to gain weight or stay the same this week. I just cannot get my eating under control this week. I cannot seem to stay within my points. I am not eating horribly but definately not eating well... and I know me, if I do not stay within my calories then I do not lose weight. I know my weight loss well.


The so so...

I am not sure how I feel about this but I have decided to go back on my antidepressant. I went off about 3 months ago and it has not gone so well. I keep trying to get off of it - I HATE that I have to rely on a pill to feel happy and feel like me.

I initially went on it after having my son and fighting some powerful postpartum depression. I tried to go off when he was about 6 months and had to go right back on. I tried to go off a year or so later and made it about a year before I went back for another prescription. I went off 3 months ago. I thought exercise would be my savior. I am happy about my body. I am happy with my accomplishments. BUT I am sinking back into a depression. I want to sleep ALL of the time. I do not care to play with my son. I do not care if my yard is full of weeds and my house looks like a cyclone hit it. I have no desire to venture out of the house. Its time to go see the doctor. I hate that but I have realized I would rather be happy than proud.

Do not judge.