new day

So after that post from last night I went on a serious cleaning binge to work off some stress... it helped a bit. Then I had a long talk with my husband who agreed that maybe I need to talk with my midwife on going back on an antidepressant (trying to wait until post baby) - not sure if thats what I will do since Im worried about side effects but I will definately talk with them.

Today I got to actual spend some time with my family and some alone time with my husband - even checked out a new restaurant that was awesome. It was a much needed day. Still stuck in the house - still 98 freaking degrees outside but a better day. I think Eric, feeling me being a bit stressed out, said I love you about 100 times today.

NOT HAVING A GOOD DAY

I should be having a great day - even started it with a prenatal massage but NOPE ... not feeling it and Im pissy and cranky. And very very lonly. Hubby has been on 3-11 the last two weeks and I have been working or having things to do in the am and want him to be able to sleep so there has been NO time. NO alone time, NO family time, NO romance. Little man has been a moody cranky crying mess (he is in his room in bed for the night crying his eyes out as we speak) so its just been me and him in crank town. Add to that the 100-107 degree (heat index >115) heat wave we are in right now. Its a bad combination. I feel like a loser, minimal friends, not close to family, bad mom, ect ect ect.

Im in a funk and it sucks and I hate it.

hot hot hot...

I dont know where you all live but right now on the east coast it is HOT. Unbelievebly freaking HOT! We arent used to it! Yesterday was 102 with a heat index of 122... full 100% humidity. It is horrible.  Needless to say we have been stuck in the house. My dog is going insane!  To break up the heatness we have been waiting until after dinner when its still over 90 degrees and heading to the pool... helps a bit.

The heat wave isnt supposed to break until monday so we have a full hot weekend ahead of us. Today Im starting it off right and heading in for a prenatal massage...ahhhhhhh.  Then its off to a 5 year olds bday party that my son has been talking NON stop about. Hoping I dont melt - at 20 weeks, I have NO clue how those farther along are doing in this heat!

Sunday my mom is supposed to take G to a baseball game and hubby and I are planning to head out for our anniversary dinner. No clue if that is still the agenda with the current weather. Sad part is - Im so blah with heat that I could care less if it happens or not.

Ive been FREAKING out about G starting kindergarten in a month. Oh how time flys. Im worried about him on the bus, worried that he will hate school, worried that he will have a bad teacher or not make friends, worried that he has too many changes all at once between a new school, new daycare when school starts and then shortly after a new baby. Needless to say Im worried. Everyone with older kids tells me to relax - everything will fall into place. Everyone with kids my age, it appears is freaking out right along with me. Oh the joys of parenthood.

healthy habits = baby steps

Normally my MO is when I want to start doing something, I change EVERYTHING. I jump right in and do awesome the first few days or weeks but then when one of the things goes out the window... everything goes out the window.

SO I have decided its all about habit forming. And you know what they say - it takes 6 weeks to form a new habit. I have decided to tackle one health and one home habit at a time.

HOME HABIT
 --- No more going to bed with dirty dishes in the sink! I will enpty out and wipe down the sink before bed EVERY SINGLE night. There are only 3 of us, it cant be that difficult and I HATE the way a sink full of dirty dishes looks. It stresses me out!

HEALTH HABIT
  --- Packing my meals for lunch - every work day. And more importantly leaving my wallet/money ect locked away and no accessible. Including my water bottle that needs to go with me with or without me working that day. This insures that I eat healthy well balanced meals and will save me a TON of money.

So these are the two I picked for the next 6 weeks... what do you want to make into a habit?

morning!

I tried really really hard to get up early this morning and work out on the elliptical before work - or worst case take a nice long morning walk with the dog. Instead I hit snooze about 10 times and got up when I normally do.

But last night before I went to bed I packed a nice healthy lunch and snacks. Just had a yummy over medium egg on a wheat thin and Im sitting here enjoying my coffee.

Off to work.

Its a girl - and she better weigh a ton!

So we found out yesterday that my little pumpkin is a GIRL... we are THRILLED! Today we found out I have gained 19 lbs since my first appt. Im only 20 weeks. I gained 22 lbs total with Gavin. No wonder I feel bloated and huge. Its all my eating - 100% my fault and not "just because". I have been talking everyone into going out to eat - almost daily. I have made cobblers like there is no tomorrow, ritas italian ice, I went through a mozzerella stick kick. SO we cleared out the house. I went to the farmers stand and the grocery store. Made a HUGE salad. Cooked up some veggies. Cut up tons of fresh veggies, made dip and hummus. Cut up some fruit. Need to make a change.

much better saturday :)

Today has been much better - exhausting but better mood wise!

Started the day off with several hours at a local fair - nicely didnt put a drop of sunblock on myself... silly me... needless to say I am BURNT and sore. But G had a blast.

I was seriously craving turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes so G and I went out to dinner - he didnt want to go where I wanted to go at first but as soon as I told him the baby wanted mashed potatoes.... he quickly said "definately mommy, I dont want to make the baby sad"... he is so freaking sweet and will be an awesome big brother (atleast most of the time). It was nice to sit and actually have a conversation with my little man... we chatted away the entire meal. LOVE that!

Then the best part of my day - G read an entire book to me. Granted it was a level 1 super begginner book but still... it wasnt all site words and he had to sound out some 3 and 4 letter words. SO proud of him!

seriously cranky!

If I wasnt preggo then I would think I was PMSing... I am NOT having a good evening. The little man has not been easy to deal with lately. He has been demanding, rude, and inconsiderate. I have had all I can take. This evening I just lost it on him during a walk around the neighborhood. I was that crazy lady you see screaming at their kids... I dont want to be that person but OMG I was so so done. Now he is in bed and you would think that I would be vegging out and calming down but Im still just frustrated and cranky as hell.

another morning...

Its like deja vu - Im sitting here drinking my morning coffee, just finished my cherrios and dealing with another morning stupid bloody nose... fun fun! The only difference this morning is that Im EXHAUSTED! It was a full moon last night and boy could you see it in the ICU... Im typically off, picked up G home and have him in bed by 8ish. I didnt even get home until after 9 and left G at a friends house overnight. It was mayhem when I was trying to leave work. And last nights sleep wasnt full of bathroom breaks like the night before but it was one of those nights that the second your head hits the pillow its over and your alarm is going off.  Today I have a ADHD kind of doctor to work with and busy sick ICU to deal with.

Yesterday was not a good day for my weight ego - and it of course was all men that were messing with me.

Exhibit A: I forgot to pack my lunch and had a STARVING kind of day so I ate quite a bit. My ICU doc yesterday made the comment more then once "omg your eating AGAIN"

Exhibit B: One of the reps for the type of central line we use came by to make sure we didnt have any quesitons, ect. I saw him about 2-3 weeks ago. He casually ask if Im training for any upcoming marathons. I mention to him that I have one already in the works for Nov 2012 after baby. He laughs and says "Thank god - when I saw you last time I thought to myself wow either she completely let herself go after her marathon and needs to hit the gym or she is pregnant but didnt want to ask"... ummm thanks.

There was one more but you had to be there - typeing it wont do it justice. Stupid men!

morning!

Im sitting here drinking my morning coffee, checking my email and trying to control an bloody nose... yuck. Guess it shows what kind of day Im going to have. I get a ton of bloody noses while pregnant - very annoying... and messy!

Tried to get up this morning to take my dog for a nice long early morning walk before I started getting ready for work - could shake the dream I was having and therfore couldnt get up.

I have CRAZY preggo dreams - last nights was comical, normally they are damn outright scary. Last night Barney (from How I met your mother) was my husbands bff and when we couldnt get preggo had donated his sperm. Barney was adopted and wasnt into family type stuff. When we asked him to come monday with us to our big ultrasound and be part of the babies life, he went all "babys daddy" excited on us and started sending us super elaborant baby presents in typical Barney fashion if you watch the show. It was interesting.

Today is a work day - there is ALOT of drama going on at work ... blah.

Hope everyone has a great wednesday! My little man is going with my BFF to our local army base today for family day (her husband works there). He is so so so excited. He picked out his all camaulflage (sp?) outfit and has talked NON stop about it! too cute!

2200 is a hell of a lot easier than 1200!

Calories that is...

I have a friend that delivered a wonderful gorgeous little girl 10 months ago. She is trying to get back in shape and back to where she should be. She is trying to stick to 1200 calories/day and hitting the gym.

vs me... happily pregnant with my only goal to stay within a healthy weight gain range and doing it eating healthier wholesome food selections. I get 2200ish calories/day and we are hitting the gym together.

Let me tell you, 2200 calories is a hell of a lot easier and way more enjoyable!

In 6 months I will be back in 1200 land... until then I can handle where Im at now :)

boy im tired...

My kid is a super early bird happy morning person - I do NOT know where he gets it from, definately not from me or my husband. So this morning he was up at 645 - I bought him a timer so that got me an extra 30 min in bed but regardless it was an early morning this morning. So early that for the first 10-15 min my vision was blurry. Two cups of coffee and Im feeling more like me.

I just logged my breakfast into myfitnesspal.com ... 1.5 cups multi grain cherios with 1/2 a banana and a splash of fat free milk. With my 2 daily cups of coffee with unsweetened almond milk.  Now to get started on the day...

If Im tired now then Im going to be downright exhausted tonight! Yesterday and todays main goal was to tackle my kitchen cabinets so I need to finish that this morning. Today I need to finish up a few more cabinets and the yucky top of the fridge, counter tops and floor - fun fun. But it will be one more thing on the list of things to do before baby that I can check off :)  Then we will be heading to a friends for some kid playtime and then the gym... I dont typically head to the gym that late in the day since I prefer morning gym time but had to revamp things today.

Its supposed to be 97 freaking degrees outside today with high humidity - we will not be playing outside today - yuck!

So here is to a busy day - time to hit the cabinets!

eye openner...

Im sitting here with my newly fixed laptop eating a bowl of yummy watermelon and wishing the grapes in the freezer were frozen already... they arent. But as I sit here, Im feeling pretty damn good.

About my eating today - NOPE did not chose wisely today.
About my workout today - NOPE, worked night shift last night and was barely functional so no gym today.

SO why?

Because for the time in quite a while... Im hopeful!

I got back to the gym in the past week or so. Yesterday the women working out next to me was very preggo - due in 10 days and was still "doing it"... something to look forward to. I weighed myself while I was there... 182... yes yuck since last Nov I was 151. But regardless that is what it is - no ignoring it. No pretending it isnt real. Im owning up to it.

And Im making strives to make sure the rest of this pregnancy is healthier and happy. I recently - as in 5 minutes ago - joined myfitnesspal.com   - per the site to maintain my current weight I need to take in 2000 calories. So I figure since Im preggo I should aim for 2200-2300 cal/day. This gives me some accountability - also lets me actually see in writing everything Im eating so I can look at the types of food time eating ect.

So I feel good.

And I find out what sex the baby is next monday hopefully!!!

im not dead

Im here promise - my computer DIED and is finally fixed but Im going into a crazy work weekend. I will check in monday... promise!