MANIC MONDAY - first attempt :)

SO this was my super yummy dinner! I know it looks alittle bland color wise but that was because I forgot the tomatoes and basil with the veggies. The veggies were a mix of mushrooms, zucchini, onions, garlic over whole grain pasta and sprinked with goat cheese. The super yummy surprise was the roasted brussel sprouts. I never would have thought in a million years I would like them. My mom used to make them boiled and they smelled HORRIBLE. I never had even tried one and decided I did NOT like them. Well I saw THIS recipe on greenlitebites.com and wanted to try. Glad I did, even the kid liked it! Then I took salmon and covered it with a bit of soy, orange and ginger and popped it in the oven with the sprouts and put a chunk of goat cheese on that too... super yummy! 9 points for the entire plate!

Meet Gavin - he wasnt happy to stop playing so I could take the pic.

This room is what has been totally stressing me out - the mess was EVERYWHERE... well I tackled it today. And yes that is horrible pink carpet... redoing the bedroom is very low on our to do list!

My face has been breaking out like crazy... YUCK!!! And with the 10lbs or so I gained the double chin is back!

My sick yet not acting sick baby... the rash is EVERYWHERE... even in his ears. Damn strep!

So this is my first MANIC monday... it was a last minute decision to start today so you will see way more next week :)

Eating was good today -

7am shakeology shake = 4 points

10 am 100cal pack of almonds = 3 points

1pm flat bread veggie pizza = 8 points

3pm apple with 1 tbsp natural peanut butter = 3 points

430pm carrots and 1 tbsp hummus = 1 point

6pm the plate above = 9 points

thats 28 points only leaving me 1 for a snack later :(

shhhhh....

I have a little secret for you... not ready to scream it from the roof tops yet because I have burned myself before.... are you ready...

Im back, 100% officially back.... shhhhh dont tell anyone :)

What did you think I was going to say??? preggo? Nope took the test today.... maybe next month :)

I am feeling on top of the world right now after a very stressful morning.

First I woke up to take the preggo test and my test was a dud... not even the tester stripe came up... nada.

Then I had to deal with licensing craziness. My nursing and NP license expires today. I renewed 3 weeks ago. I talked to them on friday. Yet online it still doesnt say my license is up to date... which means after today I cant work! So at exactly 8am Im ready on the phone...busy, busy, busy. Look at their website and it says they are having a power outage... today of all freaking days! I send an email to every single person on the board and finally get a response that it will be taken care of and should be updated by tomorrow am... good thing Im off tomorrow! Hopefully it will work out.

Then I had to go to the MVA to renew my drivers license that expired 3 weeks ago and I didnt notice :) oops! But shockingly while at the MVA my mood 100% turned around. I brought my book. There was A LONG line. It was raining and gross outside yet for some reason my heart grew light and a smile plastered to my face and I was happy... it was alittle freaky. Regardless that feeling has stayed.

Followed that with grocery shopping for yummy healthy food... tonight im trying new stuff... will fill you in later :) Even started and practically finished tackling my disaster of a bedroom that has me stressed out for weeks. ahhhhh.

Now waiting for sick kid to wake up - oh yea he has scarlet fever... fabulous huh? - then to go sign for our taxes (fingers crossed for a good return, we need a new roof!), dinner at home, family movie night then cuddle with honey for scary movie night...uhhhh. Oh yea and I ran on the treadmill this am too :)

Tonight when I have some down time Im going to try something new... im calling in Manic Monday... after my favorite blogger Roni at Roniweighs.com 's Sensational Sunday. Pictures pictures and more pictures to bring you more into my crazy life... mondays are one of my guaranteed days off every week and they are typically crazy. Today is alittle more low key since G is sick and hubby is home.... tata for now...

I like plans

It is time to be a women with a plan. I like plans. It gets me from point A to point B. I need to have list... list make me happy, Im that kind of gal :) I like to be able to check things off my list.

So its time to make a plan to get me back to where I need to be.

First thing tomorrow morning I need to go grocery shopping. Restock on lean proteins, veggies, fruits, healthy snacks, ect.

Here are some ground rules for me to start tomorrow morning. Taking this one day at a time and will check off the day as I go ...
1. WATER WATER WATER... NO SODA! I like water. I love lemon in my water. I dont need soda.
2. I need to plan my meals for the day either the night before or first thing each morning for the entire day. Allocate calories out for the day so I know what I have planned for the rest of the day.
3. JOURNAL.
4. 30 min minimum exercise every single day.

Thats a good healthy start. I know I can do that.

I also think its important that I organize some of my life... when life is unorganized I feel restless. I have two days off of work and need to clean and organize my bedroom/bathroom. It will definately help!

I can do this damn it!

I know I can do this? Yet I do the exact opposite of everything I know Im supposed to do.

I know I can do this! I am better than this! I deserve this! I deserve health and happiness... I am worth it damn it!

Im back... I promise!

I have no clue how much weight I have gained... I havent been near a scale in a while since I havent been to the gym but running outside instead. I do know that I feel fat. My clothes dont fit right. My skin is not happy. I feel swollen.

Its time to turn this around... I am worth it.

burnt out

I am burnt out.

Im burnt out on dieting. Counting calories. Calculating points. Planning meals.

Im burnt out on exercise. EXPECIALLY RUNNING. I am definately looking forward to the week after marathon that is going to be run free. Im burnt out on heading to the gym. Packing my gym bag ect.

To be honest, if you couldnt tell from my lack of post ... Im a bit burnt out on blogging.

On a positive note I ran 20 miles today. It was a LONG 4 hours but I took a new route and my surroundings were gorgeous. The two straight up hills that were a mile a piece SUCKED.

Im working the next 3 days - Im going to take that time to try to regroup a bit.

want to be lazy

WOW I want to be lazy today. It snowed AGAIN... Im so so so ready for spring! So G is home from school today. Hubby is off thank goodness. Today is my first day at the other hospital from noon to 6pm... only 6 hours, it will fly.

I had it in my head that I would run 8 miles on the treadmill this morning - Im sitting here trying to talk myself into it, or out of it... cant decide... I just want to be curled up on the couch in my pjs.

alittle housekeeping..

Sorry I havent updated like my normal OCD self... but life has been busy busy busy.

FOOD - starting the week off doing GREAT. Eating only when hungry. Making good choices. Calcuated my points after the end of the day just to see and was right at my daily target but then something changed. Not sure what and the last 2.5 days have been eatting pretty crummy and the chocolate cherry birthday cake I made for my moms bday dinner tonight is taunting me... tomorrow I will have to throw it away.

RUNNING - today I aimed for my first 20 mile run. I wasnt feeling it at all this morning and slept in an hour past when I hoped to start running. I wasnt looking forward to the route I made... very boring, up and down stupid streets. I wasnt looking forward to running 4 hours by myself. But when I woke up this morning the sun was shining and I got outside and moving. The first 5 miles felt awesome. The second 5 miles felt ok... boring but ok... I started singing my music outloud and got some interesting staring. Miles 10-13 SUCKED. I hadnt had the chance to run at all since last weeks long run... now I understand why they schedule those shorter runs in between your long runs. I was hurting. My right hip and thigh were NOT happy. I started to limp around mile 12.5. I was about 4 miles from home at that point and decided initially I would just run home but after another 0.5 miles the limp was worse and getting an injury 28 days away from the marathon NOT a good idea. So at 13 ish miles I called my husband to come get me. 13 miles is not bad at all. Not what I wanted but not bad. I decided to make today the middle of longs running and will do my 20 miles this thursday.

OTHER EXERCISE - I keep trying to restart 30 day shred and after 15 min give up... my mind just isnt into it. I will retry tomorrow. Also need to get cross training. Plan for this week -
monday - spin class, 30 day shred
tuesday - 8 mile run, 30 day shred
wed- spin class, 30 day shred
thur - 20 mile run
friday - rest
Sat - 30 day shred, elliptical

WORK - work has been SOOOOO busy. I have had some great days at work lately though on a professional level. This coming Tuesday is my first shift at our sister hospital. Im alittle nervous - its only 6 hours but its 6 hours of just me. The ICU doc signs off to me for those 6 hours. Yes in an emergency he is just a phone call away and I have the ER docs as my backup but the minute to minute decisions are 100% me. My home ICU has a doc 24/7 so while I manage my patients they are right there for me to toss ideas off of them. Today I swung by the new ICU and got a tour and what not so I would feel atleast a tad bit more comfy come tuesday but still very nervous.

SO thats my week in a nut shell... how was your weekend?

Im here - promise

Sorry I have been MIA - work has been insane... my days lately.... wake up at 6 and get myself and G ready, get him to daycare at 730 off to work, leave work at 830 or 9pm, home, workout, pack lunches, go to bed... do it again. Exhausting! Tomorrow is day three of the above schedule then 3 days off.

I have been good with my eating. Focusing on eating when hungry and making healthy decisions. Workouts could be stronger but time has been a factor.

todays food - not to shabby :)

Yes this is my second post today. I tend to post frequently when Im making changes. You can read about those changes right HERE.

So today I didnt focus on the opints of things as I ate them. I focused on eating when hungry - not just to eat. I focused on healthy wholesome decisions.

Breakfast - shakeology shake with banana, coffee with soy milk
Lunch - Panera breads thai chicken salad with no dressing/cup of chicken noodle soup/apple
Snack - slices of apple with 1 tbsp natural peanut butter
Dinner - boneless/skinless chicken thigh, brown rice, green beans, brocoli

So after the fact I was just curious where I would be point wise. Yes I have done points for ALONG time and it will be hard to break. I am at 24 points. If I was following it then I would have 5 points left over. That isnt alot of food. I was eating WAY more then this and ignoring the point value. No wonder I keep gaining. But focusing on me and not the points... makes it a great day and Im proud of me.

Things you dont see on the meal plan for today - fruit snacks, bowls of night time cereal, english muffin, bread, pasta.

Working out was right on today too - had a great spin class this morning and did day 1 of the 30 day shred ... day 1 ... again :)

What have you eaten today?

Changing things up a bit... worth a try

So today I had some ups and some downs and some major self reflecting.

The ups - I had an awesome spin class and really pushed myself, even with super sore legs. I officially weighed in for the ChesapeakeMommies biggest loser contest.

The down - I gained yet again this week, another 2 lbs. Im 164 ... if this keeps happenning Im going to lose everything I worked for. My favorite pair of jeans, my only size 8s that fit PERFECTLY... hubby washed them and now I cant fit them over my thighs anymore :( So sad.

Now for the self reflecting - done during spin class :) Sorry if I am all over the place but there is alot going on in this head of mine. I love weight watchers. I know it works. Im hoping to be pregnant in the next 2-3 months and I will go 100% back on WW the second my second child pops out. BUT right now WW isnt working for me - mainly because Im not working WW. I have food and eating issues and I am massively anal retentive.. the points program is not working for me right now. I focus so much on points values and not what Im eating or my hunger level. I make great choices until I dont then I stop counting the points and if I dont write it down it doesnt count. I go way over board and then restart counting points the next day. Cant lose weight that way. And since Im trying to get preggo I have been focusing and searching and freaking out about points while pregnant... not to lose, but not to gain a ton. This isnt how I want to go into my pregnancy. It will guarantee that I will gain 70lbs or something crazy. So Im going to try something else will give it a few weeks and see how it goes... worse case I go back counting points.

So the plan - I want to focus more on what Im eating and when Im eating. I want to start paying attention to my feelings of hunger and satisfied-ness and eat when I need to... not just to eat. I want to focus on healthy wholesome foods. I want to shy away from processed carbs, breads, junk. Pay more attention to lean proteins, veggies, fruits. Yes that sounds VERY weight watchery...like I said I love WW and I know it works. But I want to take away the freaking out on points aspect of it. Focus on what Im eating and when. I also plan to pack lunch dinner and snacks when I work my 12 hour shifts... NO CAFETERIA. We will give it a few weeks and re-evaluate. What can it hurt right? Obviously what Im doing right now isnt working either.

THoughts?

So proud of hubby

Im going to make this quick since we are going to curl up and watch a movie now that little man is in bed...

I am so proud of my hubby - and no it has NOTHING to do with Vday... we dont celebrate it, personally I think its stupid... he shows and tells me he loves me every single day not just when stores say he is supposed to. Anyways... hubby has committed to doing the half marathon when I do the full. This is a big deal. Today he ran 10 miles. His first ever 10miler. We drove 10 miles from our house and I dropped him off and he ran home. Proud of him for sticking to things and felt so special over hearing him talk on the phone to a friend that its the least he can do as he cheers me on for my first full. Love him!

Off to movie time... TTYL.

Anyone else running Virginia Beach Shamrock next month?

Just curious - anyone else out there running this event?

I ran 18 freaking miles~!!!!!

I DID IT, I DID IT!!!!! I am so freaking proud of myself! It took me 3 hours and 35 min but thats ok!

I did a run that started from home - went towards my favorite shorter run about 6 miles to the north east, then hit another running loop 6 miles back then headed 6 miles down to another town where my wonderful husband picked me up.

Thoughts/issues/experiences during my run...

• I had to pee from mile 3 to mile 12! I came very close to going into the woods around mile 8 but every time I went into the woods I chickened out... the thought of no toilet paper and then running many many more miles discouraged me. At mile 12 I passed a small grocery/liquer store and so glad I brought some cash. I went in and bought the best snickers bar I have ever eaten and a gatorade. Then asked very nicely if I could us their restroom that had about 5 signs saying not for the public... they said yes thank god!
• Two long runs ago my underward rubbed at the sides leaving a gash in my butt and it HURT. I decided to run comando today... BAD IDEA! So the running pants I wore had a big seam right down the middle of my butt that rubbed and rubbed and rubbed... my butt crack HURTS... I know TMI but who cares!
• The hills... OMG ... HORRIBLE! Im not hill training this time around, Baltimore was very hilly and I made sure I hill trained. Virginia Beach is pretty flat - needless to say I walked up alot of hills today.
• Around mile 14-15 I was pretty much DONE. I didnt want to run anymore. I was contemplating calling my husband and having him come get me (i told him he could only come get me if I told him i was hurt not because I didnt want to run anymore, I was contemplating practicing a limp)... well then I hear MOMMY MOMMY and turn and there is my husband and kid in the monster truck coming down the road to check on me. HUGE smile on my face... I instantly felt better, great even. And knowing they were at my finish line waiting for me was awesome.
• You get VERY hungry after a run like this. I took a bubble bath, then went out for the best bacon cheese burger ever and then crashed into an awesome nap with my favorite little boy.

Im getting there! Next weekends long run will be 20 miles, then 22 miles then 20 miles then I start cutting back... crazy!

18 miler :)

I have an 18 miler scheduled for tomorrow morning - I just mapped it on runkeeper.com. It seems SO far on the map. I am running about 8 miles to a local town then back and then another 5 miles to another town where my husband will pick me up. It will be the longest I have ever run.... really wish my running buddy was free but I will be doing it alone. It will be a LONG run.

whining

Guess I should whine on here too since I have whined everywhere else...

I was devistated yesterday. I accidently left my diamond stud earrings in the hotel at Great Wolf - besides these being a little pricey and very pretty, they were very special to me. Besides my wedding rings, it was my first piece of real jewelry and it was my first mothers day present from my husband. I loved them. Needless to say they are gone. I hope who ever has them enjoys them as much as I did.

While Im on the whining train - Im dreading going to work today. I never ever say that - I love my job! But we have a particular doctor that fills in and she is on this weekend and she is so incredibly unpleasant to work with. She is lazy and rude to staff and family members and just not a happy person in general. We butt heads, badly. Today Im withdrawing care on two patients and she is the last doc I want there. uhhhh

And yes I ate horribly feeling sorry for myself yesterday - I shouldnt have but I did. Its over now.

good morning!

Good morning everyone!

Im still in my happy place - very zen. It is WEIRD... but I like it! Today I had to change up my plans a bit but that was ok. We have NO hot water - havent since right before we left for the poconos on monday. So while I was supposed to go to the gym and run 17 miles, Im stuck at home waiting for them to come put in the new water heater. Which means I will be running later this evening. Hoping it will be a bit warmer and I can do it outside. I have a running limit of 30 degrees... but trust me NO part of me wants to run 17 miles on a damn treadmill!

I need to get my eating back on track today too. Here is that zen happy part - normally I would be feeling REALLY bad about myself for eating so much crud when we were away for my birthday and would be punishing myself right now... not even alittle bit :) I am at piece with everything that went into my body before this morning. Im happy to go into a healthier eating day/week/month/year. My body is actually looking forward to water, veggies, fruit, lean veggies.... bring it on!

Cant wait to soak in a hot bath tonight! Back to work tomorrow - wow how fast 8 days goes!

Today I am 31

Today is my birthday and I am in awe by how zen I feel right now. I started this blog a few months before my 30th birthday and wow how far I have come. I just went back and read the post I wrote on my birthday last year.


Some of the differences from that post to me now...

Last year I wrote "So my birthday gift to myself, Im going to go run 30 min" - wow how far I have come! Now Im in marathon training. Tomorrow I have a 17 mile run "booked" :)


This is a picture of me this time last year...

I recently gave those pants away and donated the shirt because it was falling off of me. Im 28 lbs lighter then I was in this pic. For some reason I cant seem to find a recent pic but will add one soon - promise! See that double chin? GONE!
Regardless of recent feelings of blah and self pity - I am in the best place I have been in a long time. I am so excited about this next coming year. I am healthier now then I have been in years and years and that is just going to continue. Things at home are really good right now - my wonderful husband and I are in a good place. I have an amazing 4 year old. I am lucky to love my job. I am at peace and overall very happy.

This next year brings exciting new adventures. I will be running my first marathon next month! We hope to add to our family and this time next year be a family of four, not three. I hope to grow and advance in my role at work. I plan to continue to make myself a healthier happier person - inside and out.

I can do it!

Today was the first day of marathon training that I actually felt like in the next 40 days I will get there.

We completed the entire 15 mile run. I brought my ipod with me because lately I have been running on the treadmill and havent talked and ran so I was a bit worried. YUP the ear buds never came close to my ears. We chatted and ran the entire time. I beat my half marathon time by 15 min ... yaaa! The last mile was tough mentally. My calves were TIGHT when I was done! We went for coffee and bagels afterwards and sounded like old ladies with the grunts and moans we were making after this run ... but we could laugh about it. If it wasnt the super soreness now... it was actually fun!

EARLY

It is 620 in the morning. Its still dark outside. My thermometer says its barely over 30 degrees. Amazing how much easier it is to get out of bed and plan to move when you have someone waiting for you. 7am - 15 miles with Nicole outside. Longest outside run since December... I have been a treadmill winter girl. FUN FUN.... not really but I can fake it right?

quickie

this will be a super quick post - I need to shower and get moving... tons of stuff to do today!

I fought the night time eating demons last night and guess what??? I WON! But seriously I layed in bed for hours thinking about food. I am such a dork. I just kept repeating to myself as I layed in bed "I love me, I love me" - sometimes I have to remind myself. I kept saying that over and over so that the other voices wouldnt take over "come on, just a packet of fruit snacks" " how about some cheese and crackers" "CEREAL, must have cereal". I finished my daily points around 9pm last night and didnt let a single thing pass through my mouth after that. This is a HUGE step for me - expecially since I was seriously PMSing!

Started this morning with an AWESOME spin class. I hadnt been in a while - wow I miss it! I ROCKED spin class this morning. Now need to shower and head out for some gal time with my bestie... shopping, sushi, pedicures... awesome!

food is not the answer

I am CRANKY - seriously PMSing. I didnt get the workout I really wanted in, my kid is seriously annoying me, my husband is at work. CRANKY - for no real reason. I have to keep saying over and over and over - food is NOT going to make me feel better. It wont ...Do not give in!

Im back

Sorry its been a few days since I have posted - its been super busy.

I worked Tues and Wed - wed was soooo busy but definately what I needed to boost my confidence. I did alot of solo work since the ICU doctor was in a meeting most of the day. I admitted several patients by myself and decided to upgrade someone to the ICU that I then ended up needing to put on life support by myself. It was a stressful day.

Yesterday was my "me" day but it wasnt nearly as relaxing as I hoped it would be. My plan was to hit the gym for spin class at 9, shower there and go about my day. Well the stupid weather made schools 2 hours late so spin was canceled. Late getting going since I had to take G to school later. Im PMSing. Hot stone massage just wasnt nearly as good as my regular massage. Didnt find a bathing suit - although yaaa trying things on didnt make me want to cry. I had to head to work at 5 for a meeting and everyone else was late so the meeting didnt start until 545 - not over until 730~! Had to get G and get him ready for bed... and instead of working out like I wanted to at home, I sat, watched tv and ate. So definately not a great day.

Last night was my first binge since monday - I know its still bad but thats WAY better for me.

I have been working on better self talk - I will post about an article someone at work gave me later today.

I also treated myself to new running shoes - proud of me that the most amazing fit was the ugliest but I still bought them instead of the cuter ones that fit ok. My toes were going numb around mile 10-12 on the treadmill last week... turns out I needed a bigger shoe... MY FEET ARE HUGE... 9! uhhh

Today is hair appt day - LOVE those days!!! After G's nap we are heading to the gym ... 10 miles planned today on the dreaded treadmill and then taking G swimming. Tomorrow my amazing best friend is taking me for a pedicure and sushi... yaaaa!!!! Sunday Im planning an outdoor 17 mile run if the weather cooperates. Monday we are Poconos bound!

be back later...