tomorrow is the day

I cannot believe its been 8 weeks already. Tomorrow I go back to work. Not only do I go back to work but I go back to my home hospital (I spent 3 months at our sister hospital before going out on maternity leave). I am nervous, excited, scared, sad. I can't remember my damn user name or password. My go to book that I keep all my little tidbits in was in the van during the accident and is still there ... in Jersey, with the van. Of course the first day back hubby is on evenings so G and baby Bre will be at the sitters until 8pm :(

I have prepped for tomorrow the best I could. I packed G's lunch. I have his clothes and my clothes layed out. I packed my work bag. Pulled out and ironed my lab coat. I made my breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks - staying well within my point range, leaving 4 points for a snack when I get home and get the kids in bed.  My coffee pot is programmed to go off. My water bottle is packed for work.

Im aiming .... scratch that... Im going to wake up and get my workout done before work. Im hoping baby girl is easy on me tonight. And I hope I can go to sleep... Im pretty wired at the moment.

A look back at January and February goals!

Hi everyone - its time to take a look back at this last month.

In January I...

• I lost a total of 5 lbs
• I weighed in EVERY week at WW
• I journaled EVERY day
• I ran a total of 35 miles
• Worked out 23 of the 31 days
• Restarted weight training and spin
• Went on a date with hubby

In February I will....
1. Lose an additional 5 lbs
2. Go to weight watchers EVERY week
3. Work out 5 days a week
4. Run a mile under 11 minutes
5. Run a 5k under 34 min
6. Buy a bathing suit and start to work on front stroke/breathing
7. Go on a date with hubby
8. Go on one-on-one fun time with little man
9. Go on a "me" day
10. Get into a work routine

ok monday take two...

The kids are in bed. I have taken that deep breath and Im ready to repost my monday. Most of today SUCKED... Im not going to go back into that... you are read all about it HERE.

Ok now what?

First I am feeling alittle overwelmed about going back to work. I have been at my sister hospital for 3 months before I went out on maternity leave. Im going back to my main hospital. I wont be the intensivist any more but instead will have to work with (under) a doc. It will be different. Not to mention there are several new docs I havent met yet since I left. I worry I will seem stupid or forget something. I worry that I wont be able to fit in everything in life once Im back.  I need to take another deep breath and realize 1. Im good at what I do, I love my job and care about my patients. The nurses and docs love me. And Im never done learning. and 2. sometimes not everything will fit in. Just do your best. When I went back to work after Gavin I also started graduate school... has to be easier than that!

Second I was worried about getting my workouts in this week. I made a plan -
Tuesday - 3 mile run, upper body weights at gym
Wed - 30 min elliptical and core will attempt before work but if not then after
Thur - 530am spin class before work
Fri - 3 mile run, upper body weights at gym before meeting at work
Sat - spin class in am
Sun - step class in am

I just need to get through these days then hubby goes back to dayshift for 2 weeks and life is 5 million times better.

I need to plan out my food and pack it the night before. I plan to pack lunch, dinner and snacks. I have a cool new water bottle and some flavor things for it to keep at work.

I wonder if some of the funk of today was me thinking of my birthday coming up. I have no clue how I cant get it in my head that I just had a baby... Im not supposed to be where I was at my fittest yet. Its ok. And while I KNOW that... my brain keeps ignoring it. I feel like I should be further. I know I know.   Oh and I havent heard back from the go mama go people yet.

I need to go to bed.

massive funk

I am in a MASSIVE FUNK... MASSIVE!

Not quite sure why - Im guessing its an accumulation.

I officially gained 1 lb this week.

I had to go try on new scrubs today since I dont fit in any of mine and that experience SUCKED

I have been up in the middle of the night every night for about a week with the baby then up again to get little man off to school and then since hubby is on evenings have had to do all of the evening/night stuff on my own. I feel like a single parent and Im exhausted.

I didnt reserve time for spin class this evening early enough and couldnt get in so I didnt even go to the gym.

My 5 year old has been a total brat lately - making me question how well I have raised him.

I read a quote today saying that if you do the same thing then expect the same results... and in my current mood I took that 100% as it telling me I am fat, stressed, at times unhappy... all because of me, because of my actions. Did that make me have a massive change of heart and do better? Nope. Instead I went to panera and got an orange scone, ate 4 cookies, took the kids out to dinner and had chicken strips and fries.

I am in a massive funk. 
When I get the kids to bed I need to brain storm... tomorrow is a new day.

getting it over with...

Per my scale - I am up 3 lbs this week. Im not 100% sure how that happenned. I did go over my points but not THAT much. Hoping a tad bit is water weight from maybe increased sodium. And before I weighed myself, I had drank 3 cups of water so that definately added but still... 3 lbs.

It makes me not want to weigh in this week. But I have promised myself that I would weigh in weekly NO MATTER WHAT. Yes I will get "that look" from the ww chick. But regardless, not weighing in officially does not mean that the weight didnt increase. I cant ignore it.

Since Im going back to work this week, I need to move my weigh in day next week to Mondays. Today I have plans to leave the baby with the baby sitter and go to my dermatologist appt and then I need new scrubs, bras and work shoes. While Im out I might as well swing by to weigh in... uhhhhhh.

On a side note - I need some extra accountability to my eating and point allocation. While I am very proud of myself for no sodas and no fast food for over 30 days (woohoo), minimal processed food, and drastic improvement in veggies and fruit consumption... I still have had some not so good eating choices and over doing my points. So for the time being I will be posting my daily food journal... feel free to ignore it.

This little light of mine...

This little light of mine, Im going to let it shine...
Cover it with a bush - NO - Im going to let it shine...

Yes thats not all the words in the two verses but you get the idea. I just rocked my 7 week old and sang her this song. While singing it to her the words hit home to me. I have an amazing light in me and instead I have tried to hide behind the bush (fat) and not shine.

My song unfortinatly didnt put her to sleep - she is a cranky mess tonight. Thinking its going to be a long night.

On a side note - why do we want crude to eat when the good for us stuff taste really good? I made the mistake tonight of getting on the scale and due to some water weight and some poor eating choices the number wasnt as good as it should have been. So I decided I wanted chinese food - where the hell does that come from??? Thank goodness that the only chinese place I love locally doesnt deliver and there was no way that with hubby at work, I would take two kids out to pick it up. So instead I made a big salad with fresh spinach and a spring mix topped with 1/2 cup left over brown rice mix (brown rice, mushrooms, green beans, spouts, onion), 3 oz grilled chicken, peppers, onions and salsa for dressing. 5 points and VERY VERY filling, enjoyable and yummy. I didnt need chinese... I cant wait until I get to the point where what I crave is the healthy option. Its not like its not flavorable or not filling. Its so good so why cant I crave that?

an important day

Today was an important day - no it wasnt my birthday (although it will be in 12 days!), no there were no family emergencies. To anyone else today wouldnt have seemed any different then any other day. But to me today was important.

Why? Because I chose ME - over anything and everything.

I chose ME to have "my time" this morning and started the day off with an awesome spin class.

I chose ME when I decided to relax and just enjoy my kids today we took a nice long walk just the three of us around the neighborhood today followed by a movie night.

I chose ME when I decided not to beat myself up for having a buttery, super yummy crepe. I have wanted to try one there forever and so I did. Not the end of the world. At first I wanted to throw things out the window and make myself feel bad about it... to finish it off with ordering pizza and a soda. But no, I did nothing wrong by having that crepe. I enjoyed it and its time to continue on with my day - so instead dinner was left over brown rice with veggies, turkey and of course brussel sprouts.

I chose ME and stepped WAY out of my comfort zone and emailed the coach to a local all female triathalon group GO MAMA GO to get information about joining. BIG STEP. No Im not physically ready for it. No I dont have time for that kind of training. By taking a step and getting info, and even joining, doesnt mean it has to take over. I can use the resourses to learn to really swim. Learn to be a better runner. Meet amazing moms doing the same thing locally. Maybe even make a new friend or two - making friends as an adult is HARD!

The new background on my computer came from Spunkysuzi ... its simple. It merely says BE HONEST (to yourself). I think we need to all do that a bit more.

Today will be productive...

Today will be productive - I need to get off my couch, off this computer and enjoy the day. Its not normal for us to have 50 degree days in January and the kids could definately get out of the house!

Just had breakfast - bummed to see the new old fashioned oats I bought were really quick oats... so not the same! Now I need to get moving, get both kids ready and out the door to the gym - its a spin kind of morning :) After spin it will be time for showering, lunch and then Im thinking playground :) Might even try for a movie night with my little man tonight since hubby will be at work.

On a side note - tried on all of my scrubs last night... omg they are so small! Not a single pair fit. I have a wonderful job that I can either wear scrubs or business casual. My entire pregnancy I wore business casual and a lab coat until my lab coat didnt fit. So I havent wore the scrubs since I was about 160 lbs ... at 176lbs they dont go over my hips. It was alittle sad - shame I didnt try on them before I had my little eating party. So Monday I will need to go buy new scrubs. Im short so that is never a fun experience. Either they are tight, WAY too big or way too long. Blah. I cant believe I go back to work next week... time flys!

Ok off to get me and the clan out of the house. What are you doing this weekend?

note to self...

You made a great choice to make salmon for dinner instead of going out for pizza like you wanted. You made another great decision when you and hubby talked each other out of going out for icecream after said salmon. Yes - not the best decision to end the evening with peanut butter, chocolate chips and marshmellows but those foods are not taboo and a treat here and there will not "ruin" your plans. Just stop. You arent hungry and there is no reason to add more calories onto your day. Its late, your tired... go to bed!

And you are going into the weekend... that does NOT mean a free for all. Start the morning with a spin class and just keep on...

Sometimes you just need to cry...

The other day I posted about how I was massively cranky and a bit stressed. That I got over that hump by a massive sweat session at the gym and felt so much better. (you can read it HERE). What I didnt share was the words of wisdom given to me by my 5 year old. We were driving to the gym and I snapped about something stupid. I immediatly apologized and then used that moment to talk about feelings, stress, and better ways to express tough emotions. He then told me "mommy you might just need a good cry". When he is having a rough day he sometimes has a massive cry fit and he feels better. I havent had a good cry in a long time. Until today.

Ran a few errands with the last one being to the grocery store to restock my fix of brussel sprouts. Leaving the grocery store I passed a homeless man on a bike with his small dog. About two blocks away I had to pull over because all I could think of was that man. I turned around and headed back and gave him $20 and told him to get a hot meal. Do I know he will use that for food? Nope I dont. I can hope though. Then driving away and about a block from my house tears just started streaming down my face. I got to thinking of the homeless man with a dog. He was older - probually in his 50's, maybe older than that. What happenned in his life to get him where he is now? Did he serve our country and have PTSD? Did he lose loved ones? Did he not get the medical care needed to deal with depression or mental illness? Did he lose his job and then not be able to recover?  Does he have a mom, children, ex wife, close friends that wonder where he is and is he ok.

I hope and pray he gets where he needs to go and is loved. We take for granted so easily all of our material possessions, our job, our house, our family. Yes I have worked very hard to get where I am but what if things had turned out differently?

another cranky day

It appears I REALLY REALLY need my sleep. WIth hubby taking 7 weeks of paternity leave this time around I was luck to sleep minimally 8 hours every night. Now that he is back ... I am in no sleep land. Last night we were up at 1130pm, 4am, 6am then 7 with my school aged kid. TIRED. I dont know how new moms do it - expecially those breast feeding every 2 hours. I have much respect. Without sleep Im tired, cranky, short tempered and feel very blah.

I was amazing how little I was affected with post partum depression this time around compared to last time... ummmm I think being able to sleep and deal with life better had a MAJOR impact on that.

Not to mention my calves are very tight from step class yesterday. New class = new soreness.

Oh well I guess today I will have to drink ALOT of coffee and keep chugging until I feel better. Whats on the agenda today? They are coming out to fix our heater so no nap for me, someone is coming to get all of my newborn baby clothes, dropping off all things needed to the daycare provider for when I go back to work, have gym time saved for 6pm tonight so G can do the kids swim class while Im working out. Tonight is a run night - hopefully my calves will chill out before then.

Ok off to pour my second cup of coffee... have a great Thursday everyone.

scared or cautious?

One of my goals is to try new things when it comes to fitness. For example Im looking into rock climbing lessons :) The other thing I have told myself to do is take one new to me class at the gym each week. To step out of my comfort zone. There are tons of classes I have been dying to try but was to scared to... didnt want to be the new girl in the class.

This week I decided to start - Im easing into it by doing a class I atleast partly know how to do... step. Easy peasy. Highly enjoyed the 45 min class today. I pushed myself to do all of the advanced moves and got my sweat on.

Afterwards they had a new class called CXworks that followed directly behind it - its a core exercises type class. It sounds really interesting. EVERYONE from the step class stayed for this class... everyone BUT me. I nicely put away my step and walked out.

Why? I told myself it was because I had a csection 7 weeks ago. I have NO core muscles and the class would just be too much. But is that really the reason? Couldnt I have just backed off a bit if it got to be too much? Nope pretty sure it wasnt me being cautious for my body... I was scared. Scared of looking stupid. Scared of being the weakest one there.

I want a shirt that says "I just had a baby, dont judge me :) "

Next week I am tackle-ing that class!

massive non-scale VICTORY!

Today started off early - with a 3 am wake up with Little Miss. It appears she wasnt really hungry - just wanted to snack. She ate an ounce and then sat there smiling at me... who can get upset with that? Got back to bed when the 5 year old decided to get up at 630 this morning. Today was the 4th day of a 4 day weekend.... shoot me!

I then heard "mom mom mom" one too many times; quickly up there with "im bored", "what can we do" ect ect ect. Little Miss wanted to eat every 2 hours and did NOT want to be sat down. Didnt help that I was CRANKY and really wanted some non-mommy time. Which wasnt in the agenda. I then left the baby with daddy once he woke up and G and I headed to my WW weigh in. I lost one pound. Better than a gain I know. But not enough to pull me out of my funk. I was snapping at everyone. It was bad.

So we came home and I immediately went to bed for a one hour nap thinking that would help... NOPE. I woke up to G trying to fit in everything he could possibly want to tell me in the hour I was asleep. I wanted to yell, scream, hide away and eat. I was SOOOOO cranky!

So instead I verified the gym could take an infant and we all headed to the gym. OMG I got ALL my aggression out and then some. I ran my ass off and it felt GREAT. That was followed by some weights and core work. I was a sweating smiling MESS.

And then everything was so much easier to deal with. G's 5 million "mom mom mom's" became like a joke and I could smile and enjoy him. We went from the gym to a friends so I could shower, then to swim lessons, followed by dinner out at Panera for me and my two favorite little people. Got home and we did his reading, money learning work, site words and played a game. He is now in bed. Little miss is fussing on my shoulder and I am handling it in stride.

Amazing what a great sweat session can do!

Im here

Ive been MIA for a whole 36 hours or so - and I miss posting :) Its been alittle on the busy side. My husband went back to work yesterday after 7 weeks of paternity leave. Most moms have to deal with this way sooner so I should be happy - but it was alittle exhausting being on my own. It also doesnt help that of course this is a 4 day weekend off of school for little man and Ms. Bre has decided that 2am is her designated wake up time.

What is MOST exhausting is trying to get the three of us out the door to get to the gym in time for a specific class. It never fails that the baby will need to eat RIGHT before we go. The last two days we went to a friends house to play after the gym... OMG the amount that I need to pack - gym bag, baby bag, snacks for the 5 year old and I have been packing my lunch to guarantee I know my calories/points when eating at my friends house.  Its exhausting but I have done it and todays 1 hour spin class rocked!

Hubby is back to work as I mentioned. He rotates 2 weeks day shift, 2 weeks evenings. I hate when he is on evenings - dinner and night time routine is all me and he doesnt really get to see G since he is in school during the day. And of course he goes back to work at the beginning of his 2 weeks of evenings. So dinner and bath and bed for two little people is all me. Which means I need to have easy go to dinners for me - and I dont do those frozen processed "diet" food things - yuck!

There are certain things I ALWAYS keep in my fridge/freezer. I always have frozen peppers/onions in the freezer (use this ALL the time in tons of ways), goat cheese, baby spinach and ready to eat chicken breast strips. In 10 min I can make a very filling very healthy very yummy 5 point dinner. I throw some brussel sprouts (cut in half and sprayed with pam) in the toaster oven at 425 degrees. I turn those over once around 3 min and then let them stay in for another 5-7 minutes. While those are cooking I throw some of the frozen peppers in the pan and heat them threw and throw them on a paper towel. Then in the pan goes some diced mushrooms, garlic and a large handful of baby spinach. 3-4 min later I add the chicken to warm it thru and readd the peppers. Once the sprouts are done they go in a bowl, topped with mixture of chicken/veggies and then I top that with 1 oz of goat cheese. I could have gotten away with just half the cheese but oh well.  I make this ALL the time. It is so good. So easy. So fast. And I can make more or less depending if Im eating on my own or someone else is eating too. Seems like alot of work but it really isnt and so so so good.

Tomorrow is weigh in day - Im a bit worried since I had that really bad night where I pretty much ate all my extra points in one night. But I picked myself up and moved on. I have hit the gym and got my workouts in - Sunday was my only off workout day. I stayed within my points 5 of the 7 days. I drank a ton of water. And Sunday night I wanted to EAT ... badly.... but I wrote on my food journal "you want to binge. you are worth more than that. You are not hungry. Go to bed" and believe it or not... it worked! Im not expecting a big loss but a loss would be nice.

Finally a snow day!

Crazy, living in Maryland and getting our first snow day mid January! Hubby and I LOVE snow and say bring it on!

As soon as we got up this morning it was out to be in the snow...

As you can see - the first snow wasnt alot but we were just happy it was here!

I had to meet up with another mom that was selling some cans of the formula we use and since I was out I did a produce run at Wegmans... should have taken a picture. We go through ALOT of fruits and veggies... this was a $60 trip.

We had grand plans to go see the inlaws today but decided instead to stay in our jammies, enjoy the weather and relax.

I did get my workout in though - it was a run day and the run was SOOOOO much better than last time!

My hubby goes back to work tomorrow after 7 weeks off for paternity leave. Im ready to get back into my own schedule but so not looking forward to having to do the nights on my own. Fingers crossed tonight is a good night :)

Tomorrow is a no workout day - very much looking forward to it. No workout doesnt mean no moving though - still heading to the gym to take my little man to the pool.

note to self

The kitchen is CLOSED. Do not walk in there. Do not put another thing in your mouth. QUIT EATING. Everything you just ate has happenned - deal with it and lets move on.

pushing through and not being locked in the house!

Yesterday I pushed through an insane desire to eat to cover my emotions. I won. Today I pushed through another hurdle.

We (I) had a rough night with the baby last night... was up WAY more than I wanted to be. Felt sluggish, tired and sore this morning. Got the little man off to school and wanted to go back to bed more than I have ever wanted to. I was cranky and pretty miserable. I planned to have my first real spin class post baby today and had that hard 9am slot saved for her at their daycare already. I didnt want to give that up so I went anyways. I picked the bike closest to the door so I could bolt if I needed to. I ROCKED IT! I sweated my ASS off and had a HUGE smile on my face the entire time. It was JUST what I needed.

Came home and now Im roasted some peppers to make a red pepper/speghetti squash soup... yummy!

I also have been keeping things pretty low key since back at weight watchers and not going out. I feel like a prisioner in my house. My 5 year old keeps asking why havent we gone out to eat - we used to eat out ALOT. I have saved ALOT of money and calories staying home. But I cant lock myself away. I have to live too. So tonight we are venturing out to dinner as a family. We are going to a chain mexican place that is my sons favorite. I have stalked their menu. I have played around with changing things and I think I have a good plan going in to where I get the experience of being out with the family without the guilt of over doing it. First NO margarita, sangria, chips, cheese dip. I dont need them! Want them? Yes. Need them? No. I will have the grilled tilapia - per their website its 10 points for the tilapia and rice. Im going to forgo the rice and get a side of black beans. From what I can tell that will be a point to point swap so thats 10 points. Then get a side salad with no cheese or crutons and put my fish and beans on top with some salsa. So dinner at 10 points.

which will keep me within my daily points. My added treat tonight will be worth eating healthy for dinner... I have worked out for about 6 days straight now, maybe more. Im on day 4 of this week and havent used any of the extra points....yaaa me. So tonight Im allowing myself to have dessert. Not a free for all dessert but a controlled one. Cold stone creamery like it size sinless sweet cream icecream with cherry pie filling... 5 points. SO looking forward to it.

The other thing I have done a bit different this week is control how much of the "free" stuff I am eating. I have decided certain things  - like bananas - while free... Im limiting myself to one a day. Also Im only allowing myself to have a true dessert - even if it stays within my points - once a week. Other wise I will control that craving with stuff like popcorn or frozen grapes or berries. Last week I was having my mini choc chips way to often - and I doubt I always calculated/weighed correctly. I also ate alot of peanut butter - again, I measured it but may not have been all that accurate so I probually was over my points more than I thought.

such a bizarre relationship with food

Man I have food issues.

I had a busy day. Ate well. Got things done. Decided to do my run last today... bad idea. Leading up to my run I made dinner, helped with homework, bathed baby girl, got G ready and in bed, took my dog outside to play in the COLD, scrubbed two bathrooms and then headed down for my run - telling myself the entire time that I really didnt want to run.  I debated making today my day off instead of Sunday, but sunday is my first day on my own all day with both kids since hubby goes back to work Sunday and I know that I would be peeved at myself to have to squeeze a run in too when I had planned for that to be my off day.  SURPRISE SURPRISE I had a sucky ass run!

I gave it a fair chance - ran about 20 minutes and then decided I just didnt want to. I walked for a few minutes with the plan to try to run again. Well I decided not to.  Then I was mad at myself - so what did I want to do? EAT... eat and eat some more. I decided while walking up the stairs that I wanted an english muffin with peanut butter, marshmellow and chocolate chips. That is 10 points. I have 3 left for the day.

I walked up FULLY deciding to eat that. I went to the restroom and my scale was sitting there. Earlier today I had a great morning weigh in ... down almost 3 lbs from my bad weigh in on Tuesday morning. I told myself if it was still good then I would eat it. If it wasnt I wouldnt... it was a bit up and I decided to be "good" after all. So now Im eating popcorn and maybe some frozen grapes.

So today it went my way but it could have easily went the other way. And it could have spiraled out of control.  Because I have food issues.

all rainbows and lollipops

That is how I feel today - all rainbows and lollipops. I dont know why and I dont know how long it will last but today Im ridiculously happy. I want to smile... alot!

This morning started off with a trip out just Bre and I at Panera to meet up with some of my mommy friends. If you are a mom of small children and dont belong to a mom type group then you are missing out on so much! Just to be surrounded by women that although are different from you - understand where you are coming from. Its nice.

What did I eat at Panera? Well what I wanted was an orange scone but at over 550 calories that just wasnt happenning. None of the breakfast type stuff was wihin my calorie budget for the day so I made a big bowl of chocolate banana oatmeal before I went and just sipped on coffee while chatting. I almost got lunch there to bring home but Im glad I didnt. I threw together a spinach, chicken, apple, goat cheese salad that was YUMMY!

Then it was off to the midwife for my 6 week post partum visit. For those of you that dont know me - I suffered BADLY from post partum depression with my son 5 years ago. So bad that I opted to go back on an antidepressant while pregnant this time around. I weaned off for the few weeks before delivery but then restarted the day I got home. I dont know if its the meds, the knowledge, the extra help at home, knowing what to expect baby wise, a happier baby or the outlet to share my concerns with other moms experiencing the same thing... but I was in awe by how different my answers were to the postpartum depression questionaire this time around... it made me feel like rainbows and lollipops:)

Still need to get my run in this evening, make a healthy dinner, spend some quality time with little man, and super need to clean some bathrooms but it will all get done. Tata for now...

Good morning!

Im feeling pretty good this morning. Stayed up way too late reading but its all good.

What am I reading? Yesterday I was reading another blog and they were talking about this book...

I read about 1/2 of it last night, could have easily finished it but baby girl wakes up EARLY so I needed to get to bed.  EVERY female runner should read this... what an amazing view of running, friendships and being a female athlete. I want the running friendships she has!!!!

Anyways woke up this morning and decided to try out a new version of my oatmeal. This time around I mashed up a banana and put it in the water while it was starting to boil. Cooked the oatmeal. Added vanilla extract, splenda and cocoa powder. When it was pretty much done I mixed in one egg white and mixed and mixed and mixed. Then topped it with 1 tbsp natural peanut butter. OMG SO SO SO good! ANd ridiculously more filling. It was 8 points total but I could only eat half and I am very satisfied.  I got the idea of the egg and peanut butter on yet another blog that was shared with me - check out WWW.findingradiance.com .

Todays baby girls first day going to the gym. I couldnt get the time I wanted so we are heading there right after lunch - today will be 30 min on a bike and then a full weight workout. Then its go go go with doctors appts, homework, dinner, baths, reading, ect.

Hope everyone has a great day!

weigh in - the good vs the bad

Its a dreary rainy nasty day in Maryland today. The last week it has barely made it out of the 20s. This morning of course its in the 40s so the beautiful white snow was not to be... instead its gray,wet and gross outside. Wonderful way to start the morning. Add onto that a 6 week old that screamed bloody murder ALL the way to weight watchers this morning and hitting EVERY freaking red light. Yes it is shaping up to be one of those days.

Weigh in this morning showed me down 0.8lbs which made me hit my first 5%. Yes I know any loss is a good loss and I should be happy but Im not.  I expect more. Im going without and I want to see it show on the scale. Recently I told a reader that when she didnt lose on her 3rd week she needed to relook at how she is calculating points. Im going to listen to my own advice. My night time snacking while being healthier options - Im a little more lax on my measuring at night. Not to mention my "tablespoon" of peanut butter if you weighed it - its about 50% more than I thought I was eating and not calculating correctly. So this week Im going to work on that a bit.

I want to be down on myself - I want to tell myself all of the things I did "wrong". Why Im at fault for not losing a ridiculous amount of weight this week. Why Im not worthy of it. BUT Im not going to do that. Im PROUD of some of my actions this week and instead of beating myself up over something that I should be happy about.... Im going to focus on where I shined this week.

• I went back to the gym this week and I ROCKED my workouts.
• Im rebuilding my running base and have made it back to 2.5 miles already!
• I restarted weight training and pushed myself to my limits.
• I have drank a crap load of water - not a single soda in 3 weeks!
• I have eaten more veggies and fruits this week then I have in about 3 months combined!
• I have found tasty ways to incorporate said veggies into my diet and have made some yummy WW friendly meals.
• I havent had anything processed - without even trying!
• When I wanted to keep eating cookies at a recent gathering - instead I grabbed a handful of carrots.

These are all non-scale victories and Im proud of them!

holy soreness batman

This morning I am SORE. 1/2 of it is that awesome, you know you did a great weight workout, soreness. My bi's, tris, shoulders, chest, legs all have that kind of soreness. My upper left back has the other kind - the you probually lifted a bit too much then slept funny so we are going to hurt you - kind of pain. OUCH.

It hurts to move. Hurts to lift up baby girl. Couldnt get comfy to sleep. Just took some motrin - hope it helps.

On a funny side - favorite 5 year old quote of the day "mommy what are these balls under my penis and whats inside of them" - awesome... uhhhh.

felt like a gym imposter

Its amazing how different two days at the gym can be. Yesterday I left feeling on top of the world. Today I left that way but struggled throughout the workout. Today was a run day and its 27 degrees outside so that equals a treadmill day :) and decided to give the weights another attempt.  Gavin and I headed to the gym once hubby woke up and got his workout in so I could pass off the baby. All of my workout clothes are from when I was almost 20 lbs lighter than I am now. Needless to say they do NOT fit well. I felt like a stuffed sausage today.

Got there and got on the treadmill and for the first mile of my run all I could think of is
"everyone is staring at me thinking Im fat"
"Everyone is thinking how on earth is that fat chick running"
"everyone is thinking yup there is one of the new years resolution-ers"
"everyone is looking at the rolls on my belly and back"
those thoughts really ruin the workout experience. Then I looked around and realized that everyone was getting their workout on... and if they were thinking that well then screw them! The second part of my run after that went way better - still thought I looked like a sausage but I was a sausage that was rebuilding her running base. A sausage that belongs to that 1% of the population that has successfully ran a marathon!

After that I headed over to the free weights and while I didnt push myself that hard - was very proud of restarting weight training and it didnt feel like it was pulling on anything this time around. Next weight workout I will pick it up a bit. And OMG doing the core exercises... I have NO abdominal muscles right now. It was very very hard.

After having super swollen fingers this morning, I decided to back off salt today. I havent salted anything. But boy have I realized how much salt I was using based on how many times I went to grab the salt shaker. But I didnt miss it and some things - like my brussel sprouts really didnt need it. The salt in the goat cheese was plenty.

Panera is for dinner and with that calculated I still have 11 points for the day. Im on my way to a pampered chef/scentsy party. Im bringing my water and will not indulge - atleast not that much.

And fyi Im a bit worried about tuesdays weigh in.

daily weigh in and lower carb...

SO I am a daily weigh in person. It used to have control over my day and always in a bad way. If I had a great weight that day then I would eat alittle extra because I only need to lose 2 lbs a week so I can have that extra snack (and then end up losing nothing at the end of the week) or if it was bad then I might aswell eat anyways. Todays weight was up a lb from yesterday morning. And I stressing out? Nope. I KNOW Im doing what I need to be doing to have a healthier lighter life. The scale will show that eventually. Todays issue is salt - I finally was able to start wearing my wedding ring again a few days ago. Today I cant get it off, my fingers are swollen. Hense the salt issue. Last night was tacos and I have been alittle liberal with the salt on my veggies. So today and tomorrow Im backing off the salt.

Everyone has their opinion on the "new" weight watchers. I personally like it and hope to have alot of success for it. The points for pretty much everything I used to eat practically doubled. My daily points unfortinately did not. What I realized very quickly is if you keep your snacks and meals on the lower carb side then you get way more for your point value. So for dinner we have lost that carb side - no noodles, rice, potatoes ect for the most part. We will do a side like that once a week or so. I havent had alot of bread. I have substituted large lettuce leaves as my bread for rollups and last night for tacos. I have substituted spegetti squash for pasta. It works.

I have heard alot of people lately that recently joined WW talk about how much they are starving. If I would be eating the way I did the last time on WW I would be starving too. When you are thinking "diet" you think low calorie. Unfortinately low calorie does not equal low points for WW. Those 100 cal packs used to be 2 points, now they are 3. Light english muffins used to be 2 now they are 4. None of those small 100 cal things fill you up but definately fill up your points. And you are left starving. I think to feel comfortable on WW you HAVE to fill up on veggies and some fruits and tons of lean meats. I try to have a serving of fruit and veggies with breakfast, my mid morning and mid afternoon snack is typically veggies and dip and a piece of fruit. Lunch always has a large side of veggies. Dinner over half my plate is veggies. The other 1/3 or so is a lean protein. You can definately stay full on the new ww but it takes alot of work. If you want to splurge and have a cookie or something - that in the old plan really didnt mess up your points all that much - now it does. So yes WW says you can eat whatever you want but enjoying that pizza or fast food or what ever pretty much means your having a salad for the rest of the day and feeling hungry. To me that just isnt worth it.

Ok off to get this ring off... my finger is numb :(

100% back

I know its only been 2-3 weeks but I feel 100% back. I feel like I have my head on right and am making smart choices. And Im moving again which feels amazing.

Today I ventured back to the gym. I added Miss Bre to start next tues when she officially hits 6 weeks. I miss my spin classes but havent pushed myself that hard in many months not to mention recovering so I was too scared to go to a class for fear I would have to quit if it was too much. So I did a trial class... I found a playlist online and downloaded the songs and wrote down what to do with each song. I went into the spin room once it was empty and got to work. Granted Im sure it would have been harder in a class but my heart was going, my legs were burning and I was a sweaty mess. It felt GREAT. Completed 45 min and felt awesome afterwards! Hopefully tomorrow it doesnt come back to bite me.

Gavin was super excited to be back to the gym too - expecially because now he is FIVE. That means he gets to go into the special 5+ game room and go with the big kids instead of the little kids during play time.

Tomorrow is a repeat of yesterdays run and going to retry weights again.

Im really proud of my eating today - its already after dinner and I have 11 points left over... no clue how that happenned since I dont feel deprived. Crazy!
Breakfast - coffee with unsweetenned almond milk, chocolate oatmeal with raspberries = 6 points
Lunch - zero point veggie soup with 3 wasa light and crisp, 2 lite laughing cow cheese wedges and sliced tomatoe = 2 points
Snacks - grapefruit, carrots with hummus = 2 points
Dinner - grilled chicken slices heated with peppers and eaten on a large lettuce leaf with salsa, side of brussel sprouts with goat cheese, and a large spinach, apple, goat cheese salad = 5 points

shocked that lunch was only 2 points and felt so filling. Same with dinner... amazing dinner with a full large plate of food for only 5 points. I definately eat with my eyes so seeing alot of food, even if most are veggies helps me.

Think I might splurge and make a mini raspberry cobbler for dessert!

2012 progress pics

I cant believe Im about to do this.

So this morning - after sleeping 9 hours... woohoo great job listening to my body and going to bed early... anyways after getting a great sleep I felt awesome. I got G on the bus and Bre was back asleep so I decided to get my workout in early on the treadmill.  When I run, I think. Its probually my favorite reason for running. I get some great self talks in during those runs!

Today I was thinking about this blog. More specifically the progression page tab that shows my progress from 18 months ago. I told myself last month I should put some pics of me now up but I didnt want to readmit to myself the difference from that smiling happy thinner healthier me in that gorgeous purple dress and the me now. SO I didnt. Well today I got to thinking... that was my previous journey. Im very proud of that girl in those pics. I want to reshow me getting back to her. Feeling like she did... and let me tell you she/I felt AMAZING.

So I made a compromise to myself. That tab will stay left alone. But I will start a new tab - a 2012 transformation and take pics monthly to add. I want to see the full transformation. I needed to do this NOW before I lost my nerve... right now Im not feeling very pretty and really dont want to share my rolls with the world. Hubby is still in bed so I took the camera down to the gym. Not the best pics but like I said it was now or never - didnt want to lose my nerve.

October 2011 - 8 months preggo

Dec 2011 post delivery

January 13th, 2012 - 180.5 lbs, size 12 jeans

I cant wait to see me after a few months of hard work!

an ok day

Still exhausted. Woke up exhausted had a decent day and now Im exhausted.

Date day went well. We decided we both really wanted breakfast food so just headed to a diner. Yes I could have made way better choices but I enjoyed every single bite of my waffle and bacon! I used half the butter and syrup I normally use though. And I wrote down every single thing I ate. 18 points for that meal. Yes that sucks but I knew it would be up there. After the fact did I beat myself up over it? Nope. I enjoyed it then got right back on track. Next time I may decide to healthify the meal a bit but it could have been worse... you should have seen their pies! We went to the shooting range where I rocked with a 9mm. I brought my camera and planned on hubby taking a pic of me shooting but the range was filled with hunters and cops, I was the only women and alittle too self conscience to bring out a camera.

The best part of date day - we chatted and decided we wanted to have more active date days... ie not surrounded by food. We decided the one next month will be an indoor rock climbing trip! We need ideas for the other months though!
I havent did a final count of my points today but it looks like I will be over by about 15. But again I planned for that. I have no intention of using any more of the 49 points this week.

I have meal planned for through the weekend.
Fri - baked asian tilapia, asparagus, sauteed mushrooms
Sat - beef and brocoli biggest loser recipe with a ton of extra veggies thrown in
Sun - tacos for the boys, lettuce wraps for me
Mon - left overs

I had every intention of running today even though its not a designated run day. Or atleast do 30 min on the elliptical but right now I am having a "im tired and want to be left alone" moment. Between my hubby not being overly helpful today, my 5 year old having melt downs over nothing, and my 5 week old screaming blood murder all day because she needs to poop... Im TIRED. So if the energy returns then it will happen. If not Im going to bed early - which may be the better idea there.

TIRED

Damn Im tired this morning. I stayed up way to late instead of listening to my body. Then baby girl was up at 330 and little man was up at 645. I want to go back to bed once he is on the bus but we have plans today so I need to get things ready for the sitter, take a shower, ect ect.

Today is date day with hubby - it is one of my resolutions/goals for 2012. I want to make sure we make more of an effort - spend more alone time together. So today is lunch out and going to the shooting range. I picked that for him - he is a cop after all and has been off work for 6 weeks so Im sure he misses some of that . I would have picked going on a nice long hike but the weather here is rainy and GROSS.

As you know Im nervous about going out to eat. I have a plan. Of course I do, Im all about plans. And yesterday after I posted I thought more about what I wrote. YEs I have issues with food but Im going to have to deal with it. I have made some progress. Yesterday I wanted a coffee from my favorite local place. They have a local choc praline coffee that is so yummy (and 0 points). I decided I couldnt stop because I cant say no to their scones even though I wasnt hungry. I LOVE them. Then as I got closer I said SCREW that and turned in... a damn scone wont tell me what to do! As I walked in the owner was at the register and I immediately went up to her saying "I do NOT want a scone, I want a coffee. I will not have a scone" - she looked at me like I had 2 heads then said "your on a diet huh"... I said nope Im starting a new life.

So today I will get my workout in - promise. I will not have an appetizer, drink or dessert. I dont need any of that. I will order what I want from the menu and will try to tweak it to make it more healthy if it wont affect the overall taste of the dish. I will right down everythign I eat so I can log the points. I will pay attention to my hunger cues and stop when comfortable. I will drink a large glass of water before eating.

I got this!

todays food

Had to share todays food because everything was SOOOOO yummy!
Breakfast was my latest favorite - old fashioned oats with 1 tbsp cocoa powder, vanilla extract, splenda and some berries. SOOOOO good! Looks gross but tasted chocolatey, tart and creamy!

Lunch was my zero point veggie soup. Its the ww recipe plus some extra veggies. I was proud of how many veggies I got into it! Fresh spinach, cabbage, green beans, carrots, zucchini, celery, onion, garlic, red/yellow and orange peppers, and mushrooms. YUMMY! And very filling. I had it with a side of brussel sprouts with 0.5oz goat cheese. I had a sweet tooth afterwards so I had 1 serving of mini semi sweet choc chips.

Mid day I had an apple.

Dinner was way more than I normally have point wise but I had 17 points left over at that point so why not since I normally go much lower point. We had chicken that was brined (omg makes the most moist chicken breast ever). I hit it down to make it thinner to make my piece look bigger - ie more bites, it works for me. They are dipped in an egg white wash and bread crumbs then baked. 1/2 a baked potatoe with 1 tbsp sour cream and another side of brussel sprouts :) And a side salad of fresh baby spinach, strawberries, goat cheese and a touch of fat free roasted red pepper dressing. OMG so good.

I have 5 points left for a night time snack.

And I ended my day the best way ever. Today I had a massage session, great run on the treadmill, awesome alone time with a bubble bath but the best part of the day was watching my little people spend some time together :)

my issue with weight watchers...

I am a firm believer that weight watchers is the best "diet" out there. It really is about teaching you how to eat correctly and make lifestyle changes. Its not about selling their foods. Its about support.

Having said that - as a rejoining overweight person - I have one little issue. They say that the perk of WW is that you can eat anything you want as long as you watch portions, count points, track, ect ect ect. I dont know about you - BUT I have an issue with food. I have major food issues - its how I got how I am. If I go out to eat, I cant not have an appetizer or dessert. I cant look at the menu and not order something that makes my mouth water. Then since I blew the meal, I might aswell have a few packs of my sons fruit snacks. Hell I might as well go out for icecream after dinner or have a second or third drink. Then that goes into the next morning and so forth. I CANT DO IT!

I also know that I cant baracaide myself in my house with my healthy fridge full of great options. I cant NOT go to birthday celebrations, events, dinners out ect. I cant NOT live. So I need to figure out how to have a middle ground.

This week I have a date day scheduled with hubby - tomorrow. We are going out to lunch and to a shooting range. I have planned my points accordingly. I have said no to other events out this week because that is my "event". I am staying within my daily point allowance so I have the option to use all of my extra points. I am working out every day for 30 min on the treadmill. I will track whatever I get at the restaurant to the best of my ability. And yes I will have something I enjoy while out. But I will not have alcohol - hello middle of the day. I will not have an appetizer AND a dessert and we will share. I will try to make a smart selection on my entree. And when the meal is over its over - back to my regular meal plan.

But that doesnt mean I havent thought about the damn lunch out multiple times a day.

God I hope this gets easier. I know going out to lunch isnt "cheating" on my diet - my brain knows that but I still feel like Im doing something wrong.

racing fees are going to kill me...

WOW racing fees really add up! I have no clue how people do several events a month. I have officially registered for my two half marathons!
1. Annapolis, MD ZOOMA June 2, 2012
2. Bird in Hand, PA Half Sept 8th, 2012

Now I need to register for the 5k by the bay in April and the Philadelphia marathon in Nov. Neither of them have registration open yet or it would be done. They are all nonrefundable so once registered its game on!

Today was a good day -

• first I had a major AHA moment and shared it (you can read it HERE).
• I had a great weigh in. Lost 2.6 lbs this week. I am 0.4 away from losing my first 10%. I never paid attention to that before on weight watchers. This time is different though. I am fully committed to the entire WW experience this time around. For example I couldnt get out of the door in time for the WW meeting this morning, got there when it was almost over. I went in anyways, stayed for the after session and then chatted with the leader for a bit. I would have never done that before!
• Food was pretty awesome too!
• Breakfast was chocolate oatmeal with raspberries. OMG it was SOOOOO good! I got my inspiration from a recipe I found on greenlitebites.com. Here is the origional recipe posted by Roni. I made it alittle easier by just adding 1 tbsp of cocoa powder (15cal) to my old fashioned oats, a dash of vanilla extract, 1 packet splenda and a handful of fresh raspberries. It was 5 points. It was so yummy! So yummy that I went and bought more berries today!
• I was hungry at the grocery store, luckily WW gave their new 2 point bar out today free so I had that and a bottle of water.
• Lunch was left over grilled chicken parm with homemade sauce on top of speghetti squash - 6 points
• packed an apple for Gs swim lessons but was too busy with baby to think about it.
• Dinner was left over tortilla casserole and a bowl of garden veggie soup. (6)

This week Im planning to do a day date with hubby on Thursday so Im not using any extra points this week so that I can enjoy lunch out. Our date is going to the shooting range... love being married to a cop :)

QUESTION - What was the last date you had with your significant other?

an AHA moment...

SO this morning wasnt feeling so great about myself - FOR NO REASON... I have been doing awesome. But doubt crept into my head. What if I didnt do well enough? What if I didnt track my points correctly? ect ect ect.

I was in the car with my little princess asleep in her carseat driving to weight watchers to weigh in this morning and I had an aha moment. I was thinking about how I talk to my children. I tell my 5 year old way more times than I can count every day that I love him. When he does well or tries something I tell him how proud I am of him - also several times a day. I tell him he is strong, smart, and sweet. I tell him he can be anything, do anything as long as he tries. I tell him never to give up - when something is hard that just means you have to try harder.

And what do I tell myself? I tell myself Im fat, short, ugly, a bad wife, not worth it, ect ect ect... you know what bad self talk Im talking about. When did I stop telling myself that I love me, that Im worth it, that Im proud of myself?

I am smart.
I am a strong.
I am a great mom.
I am a good wife.
I am considerate.
I am passionate.
I am alot more than I give myself credit for.

And I am PROUD of myself. Im proud that I got back into the swing of things so soon after having a baby instead of making that another excuse. Im proud that my body has produced two wonderful human beings. Im proud that my legs, and brain - carried me 26.2 miles last spring. Im proud of my work in the ICU... I am VERY good at what I do and I make a difference in peoples lives.

I am so much more than that horrible self talk. The bad talk isnt going to go away overnight but I need to work harder on it going away. If something is hard, that means you work harder.

Oh and I lost 2.6 lbs this week! WOOHOO!

nervous

Today is weigh in and Im nervous. I dont know why exactly Im nervous. I stayed within my points very well this week. I didnt eat out. I didnt have any sodas. I drank a crap load of water. I took my vitamins. I spent 30 min on the treadmill most days and took my dog for long walks. What else could I have done?

It makes me mad that how I feel about all of the above will be decided based on what the scale says... if I dont lose then I know I will be upset and think I must not be worth it, didnt do good enough. But Im a smart intellegent woman... I KNOW I did awesome this week. I KNOW that the number on the scale if it doesnt go down this week it was for a reason and I will see a great week next week... but I also KNOW me and KNOW that those first thoughts will win. Which reminds me how much work on me I need to do.

Staying motivated

WOOHOO 2 weeks down, a life time to go :)
This time around Im trying harder to stay in the moment and motivated. Im doing things that I have never done before and Im keeping myself surrounded by things that will help. For example -

1. I have my workout calander taped to my bathroom mirror to remind me numerous times a day to get my workout in. So far so good :)
2. Someone posted this picture on facebook today. It spoke to me. Not the fat that surrounds the outside making the person look overweight but the fat you can see in the persons intestines, heart, ect. I want to treat my body better than that. I put this picture as the background on my laptop so I see it over and over.
   
   
3. Im meal planning and sticking to it!
4. 
   I am surrounding myself with books of stories to keep me inspired. I just read Ali's book about her experience. Granted not the best writing out there but it was nice to read about the behind the scenes of the Biggest Loser. I just started Jillians book. It got great reviews and its not about weight loss... but about finding yourself. Im not a self help book kind of gal but everyonce in a while I find something that speaks to me. Some of her quotes in there touch very close to home.
5. I have told my friends and family what Im working on and that I need their support.
6. I keep coming back here - over and over.
7. 
   I went through the pics of last year reminding myself of how great it felt to be healthier... this is my favorite!
8. I cut out soda - completely. Before I said "who cares its diet"... omg what a difference. I craved ALOT of sweet things before. I think it was the sodas. Im on day 10 or 11 of not a single soda and I really dont miss it.

Im debating making a picture board of everything I want to accomplish. It feels slightly cheesy to me but I hear it helps.

What do you do to surround yourself and keep yourself motivated?

best dessert EVER!

I came up with the best dessert to hit that chocolate peanut butter lover in me - it rocked! Wish I would have taken a picture!

1 tbsp natural peanut butter topped with 1 banana that was pan seared to browned and warm and then on top of that 1 serving of mini semi sweet chocolate chips. OMG SOOOOO GOOD! 5 points but well worth it!

What is your favorite weight watcher friendly dessert when the super healthy snacks just arent cutting it?

great way to start my morning...

My morning started as it typically does - 630 awake with baby girl, she goes back to bed but then little man wakes up. Ate breakfast - egg whites on a corn english muffin, coffee, grapefruit. And here is where it went awesome... the second hubby woke up I passed him baby girl and headed down to the treadmill. It was a scheduled run day but my body felt like it. I redid yesterdays run and it felt so much easier then yesterday! And to top it off when I came back up hubby was bathing my spitting up queen of a baby. yaaaa!

Now its time for some outside time with little man - going to get him new shoes, out to lunch at panera (where I have mastered a 6 point AWESOME lunch) and then to the playground. See you all later!

beginning of a healthy weekend...

Weekends are my bad days typically - Im sure that is for most of us that have weight issues. It seems weird that sat or sun would derail me so easily since I work 12 hour shifts and only work 3 days a week. So there really is no difference in my schedule on say a Thursday then a Saturday but I think its just the mentality that its a weekend. And in my head weekends mean time off... which used to mean time "off" my diet aswell... saturday meant a drink or two and dinner out, sundays meant brunch. Ive have to constantly remind myself that there is nothing special about a Saturday.

Today was good - got to sleep in since hubby got up with baby and the little man so I slept until 11 which is just completely unheard of in my house. We went to see my inlaws where I did NOT eat one single cookie, candy, nuts ect  that they constantly try to push on me. I had a glass of water and called it a day - yaaa me. Then took the kids over to play at a friends house since football has taken over my husband for the weekend. Not only did I eat healthy while there... I went through the dunkin donuts drive through to get a coffee and did NOT get a donut (woohoo), did NOT stop at my favorite coffee place that has scones that I can not say no to, did NOT go through the Wendys drive thru for lunch on the way there... instead I packed my lunch. You heard me right...I packed my lunch as if I was going to work - to go play at a friends house :) Packed my healthy soup, carrots with hummus and a pear with a large bottle of water. woohoo.

Came home and got my sweat on - went up a level on couch to 5k. Didnt do weights as planned though- doing them last time did a bit to much pulling on the midsection/incision so Im waiting another week and trying again.

Went grocery shopping - where I swear it seems like I am spending a small fortune to eat healthy.

Then made a super yummy late dinner for me since everyone else had already eaten - diced cooked chicken, left over brocoli, roasted brussel sprouts all on top of 1/2 a boiled potatoe that was mashed with a bit of garlic and lite sour cream. 8 points and SOOOOO worth it. Incredibly filling. And I had 14 points left over anyways for the day. Its 9pm and I still have 6 points left - will use 2 more later. Im super stoked about dessert ... bought some mini semi sweet choc chips ... going to make the banana softserve and top it with one serving of chips. YUMMY! Get my chocolate fix without over doing it.

I was planning to come on here tonight and share my review of my new biggest loser cookbooks and the book written by the first female biggest loser. Was also playing around in my head about starting to have one great meal or one great dessert each week if I stay within my daily points the rest of the time - have alot of thoughts/concerns on that and need to write it out ... will try tomorrow to get that in.

Questions...
1. How do you keep yourself on track over the weekend?
2. Do you feel like you are spending way more to eat healthy and do you have any tips for bringing down the grocery bill while still stay with fresh produce and lean meats?

Note to self...

I am very proud of you. You did really well last night when it could have went VERY bad. You knew that you were out of control so you brushed your teeth and went to bed. And this morning the oatmeal you made with pan seared bananas... awesome!  Dont let your inlaws push junk on you today and its gorgeous out... get outside with the kids today!

STOP EATING STOP EATING STOP EATING!

I am having one of those days... I have felt hungry ALL day. I drink some more water. Still hungry. I have a small snack. Still hungry. Im not sure if its in my head or what but I feel like Im starving today - obviously Im not.

Then the "hunger" started to win. I ate a fruit strip. Nada. Ate some triscuts and had some hot tea. Nada. Gave in and had an english muffin with peanut butter and jelly... 6 freaking points. And you guessed it - still hungry.

Obviously its not my belly or my body needing food. I dont know what my body - or more likely my brain - needs but Im not giving it anymore food just because. If I dont stop RIGHT this second its going to turn into a binge. And then everything bad I havent had will just have to be included. I know how this goes and I DONT WANT THAT! I dont want to feel bad and mad at myself... expecially because even if I stuff myself - Im sure I will still feel hungry.

I only have 3 points left over for the day and havent even had dinner yet. So I obviously will be using some of my extra weekly points. BUT LISTEN HERE WOMEN - that does NOT mean that you can go to town and use the rest of the weekly points tonight... you will not binge!

So the plan from this point forward for the rest of the night - turkey kielbasa for dinner with brussel sprouts and brocoli (I was planning on 1/2 a baked potatoe but decided because of the above issues that wasnt a good idea). Tonights snacks - if I need snacks - will be all zero point things... an orange or a pear or some banana "soft serve".

I will not be derailed today.

Note to self

Get off the damn computer and get moving. You promised yourself you would do a deep cleaning of the kitchen, you havent made breakfast yet and you want to get your workout in while G is in school... so START MOVING.  The computer will be here when you get back - promise.  And while Im talking to myself - I know the weekend is coming. I know you have been doing AWESOME. That is NOT an excuse for getting the family to go out to dinner or breakfast where you KNOW you wont stay within your points. You will have time for a cheat meal here and there but right now your brain and your body need you to be on track.

Today was EGG-selent!

Had another pretty great day :) Made an appearance at work to drop some stuff off and showed off the baby which is always fun... and even better I fit nicely into the new size 12 jeans! Granted they arent the 8s I was wearing before the pregnancy but they arent the 14s I was wearing last week either!

As for food today - it was an egg kind of day. Breakfast was a scrampled egg with a piece of turkey sausage and a mix of peppers with half a grapefruit.

When it came time for lunch I remembered something I tried about a year ago after seeing it on another blog. It sounds GROSS but taste so good. Its a crispy egg white topped with an apple mixture. The key is to make sure you make it in a big enough pan for the egg to be really thin - like crepe thin or it taste eggy. Normally I put pumpkin spice mix on it but I didnt have any so I used apple pie spice mix and tons of extra cinnamon. The topping is diced apples, two tablespoons of lite greek yogurt and bran flakes. It taste better with some kind of honey flavored flakes but I didnt have any on hand. Its really really good - promise!

And of course it wouldnt be a meal without some brussel sprouts - my latest obsession. Today when I went to buy more it was empty and I practically attacked the produce guy to get some fresh ones that they hadnt put out yet :) Topped with 1/2 oz of goat cheese - yummy! I could eat this every meal!

Its a left over kind of night around here. Little man wasnt a fan of last nights dinner so I asked him what he wanted me to make him - I had to laugh... scrambled eggs!

My dinner was left overs from last night - speghetti squash mixed with mushrooms, onion, garlic and fresh spinach.

I topped it with 3 turkey meatballs and 1/4 cup sauce. And put a side salad of spinach leaves, apple, goat cheese and some fat free roasted red pepper dressing. SOOOOO filling!

I even got my workout in today - and finished my workout with a nice walk with my favorite son and family dog.

And then ended the day with this beautiful bald adorable little girl!

GREAT day! Tomorrow I am forcing myself to clean - yuck!

just a quick food journal

Im exhausted - really dont know why since I didnt do much today .... oh yea - baby girl hasnt mastered sleeping at night yet :( uhhhhh. So this will be quick even though I have things I wanted to share - tomorrow.

I have eaten really well today, no exercise but it is what it is.

Breakfast - old fashioned oats, 1 splenda, dash vanilla extract, 1/2 banana and handful of blackberries = 4 points

Snack - carrots with 2tbsp hummus = 2 points

Lunch - roasted red pepper soup with speghetti squash and a small amt goat cheese. Grilled chicken and salsa on a lettuce wrap = 6 points.

Snack - two small bites from my sons peanut butter on english muffin = 1 point

Dinner - speghetti squash, sauteed mushrooms/onion/garlic/spinach, 2 turkey meatballs and 1/2 cup marinary = 5 points

18 total so far, 8 left over at 8pm. I think Im going to have some dark chocolate pudding (3) with 1 tbsp peanut butter (2.5) and some sliced banana or raspberries.

ok more tomorrow ... night guys.

will I still be here?

So the last 5 days I have ROCKED it. I have stayed within my points, got my daily activity in, drank a ton of water. I havent had anything processed in 5 days without even trying and no sodas either! I also came back on here.

On a local group I belong to I posted how great I was doing and someone asked  if that meant they should recheck out my blog. That got me thinking. When things went down hill and I started putting the weight back on before the baby I quit coming on here. Quit posting anything because anything I would want to say was pretty negative. So I just quit. And now that Im doing well again its evident by my daily or sometimes twice daily post. Im eager to share my "goodness" with everyone.

I am realistic. I know I cant be perfect in my eating all the time. I know there will be days where I am super cranky and craving something bad. I know that my nights of binging here and there are not miraculously removed from my brain and can happen again at any time. I know I may hit a plateau or gain in a weigh in.

Before when that happenned I quit - I have always had the mantra "all or nothing" and when I give something my all I really throw myself into things but eventually the nothing wins. I cannot have that mind set this time. Its not all or nothing - its one day, one meal at a time and as the biggest loser said last night - no excuses. If I dont do well one day I need to face it, acknowledge it and move on.

hello out there...

Happy Tuesday everyone... one of my favorite things about this tuesday... kids go back to school! WOOHOO. Sorry but I was so ready and so was he!

Started this morning off with a healthy breakfast - my new favorite - old fashioned oats with some vanilla extract and a splenda topped with 1/2 a banana and fresh blackberries. Then it was off to weight watchers and woohoo down 1.6lbs! Im super excited about that seeing that the first 2-3 days were spent traveling for the holidays and living off of fudge, cookies and pie! But I got my shit back together for end of the week and it showed!

Dinner was one of my new favorites and I figured out how to lighten it up a bit so each slice is 5 points and still tasty, filling and a hit with the family. Not to mention very colorful! I take a refriderated pie dough. Fill it with 1/2 lb of ground turkey sausage, sauted onions, red pepper, fresh baby spinach and tons of mushrooms for filler. Then beat 3 whole eggs and 3 egg whites, a few drops of tabasco sauce and 2/3 cup skim milk. This is before I baked it.

Then bake until the egg is stiff and crust is brown. 1/8th of pie is 5 points. SO SO SO YUMMY!  I paired that with a fresh baby spinach salad with apple slices and 1/2 oz goat cheese.

Then I enjoyed the first part of biggest loser while on the treadmill getting my workout done. Still taking it easy and easing back into the running so ran 90 sec, walked 90 sec, ran 3min, walked 3 min and then repeated. It felt GREAT. I almost decided to repeat the entire workout for a total of 60 min instead of 30 but I reminded myself that Im still only 4 weeks post csection and I dont want to hurt myself so I did my 30 min and called it a day.

Todays food journal - I get 26 points/day

8am oatmeal with 1/2 banana and berries, coffe with unsweetened almond milk 5 points

11am 100cal bag popcorn, water  3 points

1230pm red pepper soup with speghetti squash, roasted brussel sprouts with goat cheese, water 4 points

530pm  egg pie, spinach salad and 1/2 slice of my sons toast, water 8 points

That leaves me 6 points for the day - its 9pm. I know we are supposed to use ALL of our daily points but not sure if thats going to happen today. I was planning on just some frozen grapes. Granted something chewy sounds much yummier but sometimes that leads to a night time binge and thats scary.

awesome monday!

Had a pretty great day today. It was the last day G is off of school which while I loved having my little man home... soooo ready for him to go back! Since it was his last day we had to have alittle fun.

My son is a major morning person - before I even had my morning coffee he was working on his masterpiece.

Then it was time to start the morning off right with a healthy breakfast.

Little man and I were off to a scheduled playdates with my local chapter of the mommies network. If you are a mom and in need of a local group of moms that know what life is like, people to have playdates with, make new friends, ect... you definately should check to see if you have a local chapter. http://www.themommiesnetwork.org/ Today it was a trip to a local bounce place.  Before we headed out I needed to drop my little princess in the hands of daddy so we could go. I went to finish getting dressed and this is what I came back to.

G had a blast. I was a bit bummed out though. Previous trips there always served as a great workout - tons of jumping, climbing, sliding ect. Well my 5 year old has no desire to actually bounce with his mommy anymore and was off and running with his little buddies.

Then it was getting home and heading out kidless to get some grocery shopping done. Really wish I would have taken some pics. You should see my fridge - it is the picture of healthy eating! Wish I would have taken a pic of dinner too... it was SOOOOO good! The men in my life wanted tacos and normal plain boring tacos at that. Not really WW friendly. So yes I made them tacos but I tweaked things for myself. Instead of the meat, I warmed up some grilled chicken with black beans and peppers. Instead of the tortilla I used big romaine lettuce leaves to do a lettuce wrap. No cheese, tons of tomatoes and some salsa. SO ymmy. Then because I just cant get enough I roasted a serving of brussel sprouts in the toaster oven. And while it so doenst go with tacos we opted to have a side salad of fresh baby spinach, diced apples and some goat cheese. YUMMY! Even with that and lunch out at panera bread... I still have 5 points left for the day at 7pm!

Then once dinner was over it was time for some daddy kid time while I cuddled with baby.

And now that the day is winding down family wise its time to get my workout done for the day. Here is how I keep myself on schedule. Since I ran yesterday today is a brisk 2 mile walk with my dog and some lower body weight workout. Nothing to stenious since Im still pretty early post partum.

I have been lucky to have extra points for some form of dessert every night. Two days ago I took 1/4 cup self rising flour, 1/4 cup unsweetened almond milk  mixed together in a baking dish then filled with some fresh berries and baked until golden brown. Not as yummy as the butter version but did the trick. Last night was banana fake soft serve with diced pinapple. Tonight will be frozen grapes and blackberries. YUMMY!

Hope everyone else has a great monday! Normally monday is my weigh in day but I really want to sit in the meeting so Im going tomorrow morning instead.

cravings suck

After giving in to EVERY single craving I had for the last 6-7 months or so - not giving into them is oh so hard! Right now I want something chewy - some warm fresh bread, a scone, a big doughy doughnut... something definately full of carbs and bread like. With not counting points the first 3 days this week - I KNOW I dont have any extra weekly points left and soemthing like that just doesnt fit into my daily points so it just isnt going to happen.

Kind of proud of me - normally I would tell myself ... "just dont weigh in this week and enjoy just that one LAST thing, you will lose the weight before the next weigh in". The problem is its never just one LAST thing - there is always just one more thing I want to eat and skipping that one weigh in turns into a month or two and a gain of a few pounds.

thank you weight watchers - and happy 2012

Its a few minutes before the ball drops. Sitting on the couch with a baby asleep on my shoulder and my love sitting next to me. We arent big party people so arent bummed not to be "out" and wouldnt wish to be anywhere then right where we are :) Little man had no desire to stay awake but thats ok.

We just finished watching a movie and I wanted to munch BIG time. I wanted something carb-y... some kind of scone, bread, pancakes, something of that nature. I have 1 whole point left for the day so that isnt happenning. I had it in my head to say "screw it" and enjoy something anyways and right then a WW commercial came on and reminded me of what Im doing. And boy would I have been mad at myself if I would have given in - the reason I didnt do fun appetizers, fun desserts, or several bottles of wine (we had water with dinner and everything) was because I didnt want to use the calories - it wasnt worth it.

I think 2012 is going to be a great year :)