Thursday, July 22, 2010

back to my regular scheduled program...

Its time to retake control of me. I have no clue what happenned or why I let it happen. Why I just threw my hands up in the air and said "fuck it". I have worked my ass off to get where I am and I was ready to just say - I dont care anymore. But I do. I care ALOT. And I need to let myself know how much I really care. I care about me and its damn time I show myself!

First big step - I got my antidepressant reordered and I restarted today. That is a big step for me. I hate that I have to rely on a med to make me "me" but I have tried everything else and I feel horrible without it. I have no desire for all the things that encompass life. I ignore everything. I hate that feeling more than I hate needing to rely on meds!

Second - time to get back on the workout wagon. It is my therapy. I love it but for a brief period of time I forgot that. I have signed up for the hour long spin class tomarrow... I might die but Julie will die right along with me! Saturday is a 5 mile run with Nicole. Sunday will be spin class again - 45 min this time :)

Now my eating... I went buck wild on the eating department this week. I have eaten probually double or triple the calories than normal every single day. I ate if I was hungry or not. I ate junk more junk and then some junk. I have drank fancy coffee drinks and LOTS of diet soda. I have been putting poison in my body. Over and over again and it needs to stop! Tomarrow is dinner out at Melting Pot for my anniversary. I will watch what Im eating up until then and all bets are off. But starting saturday morning and through next week lots of fruits and veggies. Fresh stuff. Lean meats. Good carbs. Staying within my daily points only each day. No extra points.

The 3.5 or so pounds I have gained this week will be OFF my next weigh in - I promise all of you and me that one. This was a hiccup on my journey.

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