Sunday, April 24, 2011


Sorry I have been MIA - I have this small problem that I think when I post on here that I should be perfect. And wow I have been anything but... it has been BAD.
I havent worked out in forever. I tried to run a few days ago and it was not a fun thing - barely did a mile! I have been eating probually double the calories that I should be eating. I am feeling fatter and fatter - my stomach is made up of these huge rolls. And the short of it - I feel like a failure.  I thought running that marathon would be my aha moment - the I CAN DO ANYTHING moment. Well unfortinately that feeling did NOT last long.

Im feeling better pregnancy wise lately. I have only been nauseated when I really need to eat something. I have started packing my food for lunch at work. Tomorrow I signed up for morning spin class and plan to start writing down everything Im eating. Not to diet - I know I need to maintain, not lose. BUT I think I need to see where the calories are going and how much I am actually consuming, you know?

I dont feel like ME - I am not this person!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Give me a break!

I am giving myself permission to give myself a break.

Note to self : No you are not the size/weight you wanted to be when getting pregnant.... but regardless this is where you are now and lets move on with it. Quit wallowing that you have a flabby belly and arent a size 8 anymore (granted you were only an 8 for about 2 weeks). You are MUCH healthier now then you were with your last pregnancy. You make smarter choices, you move more. No you will not be wearing small shorts and what not this summer but next summer you are going to rock for being a new mom!!

I almost deleted the post I wrote this morning... but this blog is for me, this blog is my venting place, my therapy and it is what it is.

SO I went to the gym. Pushed myself at spin class. Did upper body weights. Ran to the grocery store and restocked my fruits. Marinated chicken for the grill. Made chicken salad for lunch. Dehaired my floors - damn dog :) I see a short nap in my future then a nice long hike with my wonderful husband on this sunny gorgeous day followed by grilling dinner and relaxing. 

Remember - one day, one choice at a time. Make those moments count!

fat blob

Yes thats what Im feeling like right now. I feel like a tired big boobed fat blob. Im not helping the situation with eating out 2 meals yesterday and being super swollen with sodium intake today!

Yesterday I went to try on a few shorts and the 10's were tight - I will need to go up to a 12 but I wasnt mentally ready for that yesterday. I cant blame the pregnancy - im only 6 freaking weeks... its the size of a nut. Yes the pregnancy is making me feel tired and sluggish right now, nauseated most of the time. BUT the lack of movement, lack of healthy eating is triggering the weight gain ... what the hell is wrong with me? Do I want to be fat? Why am I punishing myself???

Yesterday I woke up from my nap and felt blah and knew I needed to get to the gym so we headed there after nap and I did 45 min on the treadmill - not a great treadmill workout but better then me sitting at home doing nothing. Today I have registered for the 930 spin class. I have tried to talk myself out of it 20 times already this morning but in a few min I will be turning off my computer and getting ready and out the door for spin. I enjoy spin. Its a quick 45 min awesome workout and its fun! I will do some weights afterwards and this evening once hubby gets home we are taking Gracie for a hike. It is GORGEOUS outside!

Not to mention we are kid free for 4 days - which makes me very sad yet happy all at the same time. G is visiting my great grandmother with my mom and grandmother in Ohio. SO I have the entire day to myself but all I really want to do is sleep. My house is a disaster and needs cleaned, my floors are a hairy mess and the sun is shining outside so who knows what will actually get done today. Tomorrow I work a horrible 19 hour shift - yuck so most of saturday I will be sleeping!

Ok Im done venting - sorry you all are having my downer lately ...

Monday, April 11, 2011

Bad day with a good ending!

Today did NOT start off good. I woke up at 630 this morning from a deep sleep with HORRIBLE mid epigastric pain that eventually moved to my left lower side and eased off a bit. It was so bad at first that I thought immediatly a ruptured ectopic ... the pain got better so I waited to get G to school then called the midwife. They wanted me to go to the ER but the pain was alot better, no bleeding, no fever and I work at the hospital so I really didnt want to go to the ED when they could do an ultrasound today as an outpatient. So they sent me for my HCG level - not sure what the result was (Im going to look at work tomorrow) - but then they called me afterwards to head in for an ultrasound.

I had to go to the ultrasound alone which freaked me out - got a friend to watch G and headed in. Luckily the second she put the thing on my stomach we could see the yolk sac in my uterus - not in a tube. Yaaa! Im only 5 weeks so there was really no baby yet to see but everything looked ok. I did have a nice sized cyst on my ovary that probually is the cause of the pain.

So that took pretty much my entire day. Otherwise I have taken it easy and Im practically ready for bed. Just read a chapter in the tree house series to G after playing carnival on wii with him. Getting him to bed and relaxing - I will be in bed before 9.

I know I needed to take things easy today - but I am so bummed to again miss another workout. I feel fat enough as it is - and the pimples on my face...ewwww!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

exercise plan this week

Earlier today I posted my weekly menu plan - HERE - and while I was majorily enjoying my bubble bath and guilty pleasure (US weekly) ... I thought I should write out my exercise goals for this week too before the week gets away from me and I regret what I didnt do.

So here goes

Monday - spin class, full body weights/core
Tues - 45 min on treadmill run/walk or elliptical
Wed - evening run, weights
Thur - spin class and then a hike with my dog
Fri -  3-5 mile run
Sat - rest

awesome day and menu planning for the week

First I had an awesome day today! Out to breakfast with Rach and our boys and dying easter eggs. Then after a quick nap - Eric, Gavin, the dog, and I went for a hike at a local state park. It was Gavins first real hike - we had a blast!

So went shopping today for this weeks meals but plan to do the prepping tomorrow - this is whats on the agenda

Monday - Slow cooker italian potroast, brown rice, brocoli
Tues - leftovers
Wed - Slow cooker chicken and rice with mushrooms, greenbeans and a salad
Thur - chicken enchiladas
Fri - leftovers
Sat - steaks on the grill, sauted mushrooms and asparagus

I am going to make a big batch of homemade salsa, cut up carrots/celery for dipping in hummus, cut up pinapple and cantalope.

The slow cooker meals are because mon/wed sucks in our house - G has taikwondo from 5-530 so having to make dinner after I get home is horrible and we end up eating out or ordering food those nights.

retireing pants

I have to retire my favorite most amazing size 8 pants - it was coming anyways with the 10 lb weight gain :( but I squeezed into them still. I wore then yesterday and I was miserable. Between the 10 lbs weigh gain and the fluid Im retaining in early pregnancy... they are done :( Thank god we will be going into summer weather and I need new clothes anyways since my summer clothes from last year are huge.

Im not handleing the process that Im going to gain weight very well - yes Im an intellegent person. I can tell myself its healthy and that it will come back off but that doesnt make me handle it any better.

Not to mention the last two nights I have had twin boy dreams.... GOD NO, please! Granted if we had twins then E would quit bugging me about having a second one.

Went for an easy three mile run yesterday - aiming for a 4-5 mile run this evening. The weather here is awesome! Hoping to have a bonfire tonight with the family if we can get some wood.

Yesterday we spent a wonderful day in Jersey visiting my wonderful neices. Officially everyone knows now :)

Friday, April 8, 2011

yucky friday

Its very yucky outside. Its rainy and gross and well... blah! I didnt get my workout in yesterday which means I havent worked out in three days. Yes I really really want to be lazy and lay on the couch but thats not my style. (Granted I went to bed at 845pm last night - I dont remember being this tired last time, amazing what being 5 years older can do!)

Anyways I wanted to spin today but the spin instructor for todays class is not up there on my favorite list. I was going to just run on the treadmill but I really dont want to do that either so I signed up for a step class. Should be funny - havent done one in a long while.

Sometime today I need to get to the store and buy some new dress shoes then tonight is hubbys award ceremony for Officer of the Year... so so so proud of him!

So lots going on today in this wet nasty gross day -

Thursday, April 7, 2011

another awesome day...

I know these awesome days will abruptly end and I will have a few bad ones but Im enjoying these full force! Today I cant stop smiling - just having a great day.

I got ready to take G to school with the plan to head to spin class but the cleaning bug hit and when it hits you HAVE to clean because god knows when the bug will hit me again. I hate cleaning! So I scrubbed my kitchen, cleaned my floors on my hands and knees, rearranged my dining room, scrubed the stains out of the furniture, cleaned the hard wood floors. Granted my bedroom and bathroom still look like a hurricaine went through them but still.... the bug has left the building though :)

I think I found the before and after school care for G next year - HUGE relief! We were redistricted to another elem school that only has 3 childcare providers in the entire elem school area. Its the elem school that the military base uses so most of the kids go to care on base... well we dont have access to that. Well one was full, one is a nasty center that I have no desire to send my kid to and one has openings. I spoke with the provider on the phone and felt like we totally hit it off today. Bonus her son will be starting K too with Gavin! And she will have an infant availability spot come April (a few months after I will need it). I did the test drive past her address and it looked so cozy and family oriented. We meet next week - fingers crossed!!! But I have a great feeling! I have gotten very very lucky with our providers - each one has been amazing.

My bestie and her adorable (and hopefully not crying) baby are coming over for a healthy lunch and then its family time when E gets home :)

Told work about the baby yesterday ... it went so so ... thats another post. I am choosing to stay upbeat and happy today!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

happy tuesday everyone...

Hi there - hope everyone is having a great week so far!

I had to work today - 12 hours but went by super fast, alittle busy... had a NP student. Having a student is good and bad - having practiced for less than a year I feel pretty stupid most of the time still.

We are having some work issues regarding scheduling and keeping all of the midlevels happy - same story, different month. Its a great thing that all in all I love my job. I tried to tell my boss about the pregnancy today. I know its super early but with us having scheduling issues at work and trying to brainstorm solutions ... I feel like I have to tell him. No its not the best time, but if I kept it to myself and we brainstormed how to work out some issues then in a month or so say "oh by the way Im taking 2 months off" ... might not go over so know? So Im biting the bullet and filling in my boss on the pregancy. I tried to tell him today - asked if I could speak with him privately but then we got busy and he either 1. forgot or 2. ignored me... not sure. So maybe tomorrow...

My soup I made yesterday was lunch and was super yummy! I had it in my head that I was going to come home and made a lite chicken salad with crackers and a bowl of soup. Its what I wanted 100% but then I got home and found that Eric had ordered pizza and breadsticks... so guess what I ate for dinner instead? Yup 2 slices of cold pepperoni pizza (I like it cold) and a breadstick. Hit the spot - not really. Need it? Definately not.

So now Im watching biggest loser - ironic huh?

SO here is to a good day tomorrow - wednesday here I come!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Amazing manic monday!

I had a great monday today! Unfortinately I did NOT think to take a single darn picture. Sorry!

Started off with dropping G off and heading to the gym for a 60 min spin class. 700 calories baby! Talked with the instructor regarding spinning pregnant and got some tips.

Then ran to the grocery store before picking G back up from preschool - $40 in produce... ridiculous! I can NOT wait until the farm stands open up!

Got home and made homemade veggie soup, got my chicken for tonight in the crock pot, cut celery and made dip, cut up my fruit for the week and then got a nice surprise of lunch from Panera delivered to my home from someone awesome!

After that I played like a big old kid outside with G - jumped a bit on the trampoline since soon that will not be in my activity list. Now we are about to be off to tai kwon do ... in the convertable I think... with the top down. It is soooo nice outside today!

Lunches are already packed for tomorrow. After we get home I will be TIRED and will much enjoy curling up with my wonderful husband who is FINALLY off evening shift for the next 2 weeks... its been a LONG two weeks and I missed him!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

yes another post

Sorry for two post within an hour of one another... but it is what it is.

I am sitting here thinking that to eat better then I need to plan better. I have NO planning involved in my shopping, cooking, eating. I get home from work and have nothing ready to go so I eat stuff I shouldnt. SO needless to say, I need to work on my planning.

Well I have one whole day off tomorrow and I need to do some planning, shopping, cooking, ect.

Dinner planning for the week:
Monday - whole chicken in the crock pot, rice, veggies
Tues - left over chicken/veggies
Wed - pot roast in crock pot
Thursday - kabobs on grill
Fri - dinner out
Sat - salmon on grill

Lunch ideas for the week
-salad fixings
-veggie soup
-chicken salad sandwich using left over chicken

Snack ideas for the week
-greek yogurt with granola
-fresh fruit
-frozen bananas
-chick peas
-hummus with carrots
-celery with ranch dip

Grocery list for tomorrow
Fresh Veggies: zuchini, onion, peppers, celery, carrots, cabbage, tomatoes, lettuce, cucumbers, mushrooms
Frozen Veggies: from target (asparagus, chick peas), brocoli
Fruit: Bananas, apples, oranges
Chicken broth
sour cream
greek yogurt
salmon (pick up later in the week)

Ok I have a plan :) Tomorrow I will shop, get the chicken in the slow cooker, make the veggie soup, make a big salad. No other real prepping to do. WOOHOO woman with a plan!

getting with the program

Tomorrow its back to the gym. I have signed up for morning spin and my favorite instructor is teaching it. Im going to talk to her about heart rate and what not while pregnant and spin classes. I hope to continue with spin throughout the pregnancy but want to do it safely too.

Im off tomorrow so I have about 5 million things to do - its my only day off too - bummer! My house is a DISASTER. My SUV is a DISASTER. And right now my health is pretty disasterous too... I need to get things on track for a healthy pregnancy and also for a healthy post pregnancy.

Im seriously counting down days until the farmers markets open!

On a plus side I scored an awesome deal on airfair to disney!!!

an awesome dream...

Last night I had a dream that my personal trainer was the new girl trainer on the biggest loser (fyi not a huge fan of her but oh well) - anyways as part of my training a small group of us was going to run a marathon. 4 days before the marathon a friend and I decided we wanted to run the full thing so we ran it - not soreness or anything afterwards ... yea right!... and then it was time for the marathon and I was geared up and ready to go. I think the dream was telling me to get my ass back into working out. 4-5 days ago I was spotting and decided to take it easy for a day or so ... that has lapsed into a week. I got up early to work out yesterday before work but the work out was very weak.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

the next journey...

Well Im sure it isnt a huge shocker - my big change .... Im 4 weeks pregnant! I wasnt going to announce it on here for a few more weeks but without posting what Im actually going through, I didnt have anything to post about. Not to mention the only people we havent told yet is work and noone from work reads this. Some dont share their pregancy so early - not me. The way I see it is if something does go wrong then I want the support to get through it. Well four weeks in - my boobs are already back to their big fat huge size. My husband is happy. I am not! I do not like big boobs. They make me feel so much bigger than I am and when I lost the weight this past year I was HAPPY with my new smaller breast. Not anymore. They have gone up two sizes in the past 2 weeks... hopefully they are done! I can already tell I will not handle gaining the weight well - yes, I am a medical professional... Yes, I know that the weight will come back off. Yes, I know that I will probually only gain 20-25lbs or so... but gaining the weight and the mental feelings that go with that I know now I will have a problem with. I am hoping to be pretty active throughout this pregnancy and focus on healthier wholesome eating. And bare with me on the journey of the next 9 months and then the new journey of relosing the weight.