Monday, December 31, 2012

One of THOSE January post...

I figured I would jump on the bandwagon of THOSE kind of post... beginning of a new year, new goals, new successes ect ect ect.

First I have to say I was a little bummed out - I went back and read post from last January. I was pretty much EXACTLY where I am now except immediately post baby and about 20 lbs heavier. I had all these hopes and expectations for 2012 and a lot of them didnt happen. But to be honest I didnt really try that hard. I kept thinking I had more time. Time goes by WAY too fast!

I want to do better in 2013. I want to be a better me. I want to be proud of who I am and my accomplishments. I want to try new things and have new experiences and I want to enjoy the year instead of watching it rush by.

Im not making new years resolutions - they never last. But I do have quite a few goals for 2013

Running Goals
1. First warrior dash in May
2. Spring Half marathon
3. Fall Half marathon
4. Sub 2:10 half marathon - new PR
5. Sub 27:30 5k - new PR
6. Tough mudder in June
7. Start trail running

Health Goals
1. Learn to love my body as is
2. Get into my prebaby clothes damn it!
3. Be able to do a pull-up unassisted

Family Goals
1. Work on having more alone time with hubby
2. start doing some volunteering as a family

Now this is where I am stuck - I want to step out of my box... what can I do for a new experience?

Sunday, December 30, 2012


I officially survived my first day of being back on track. I did everything I planned to do. Todays workout was to be yoga and the first chalean video. Check and Check! My calories were supposed to be 1600 - finished the day at 1589. CHECK!

Dont get me wrong. It wasnt easy. I thought about food ALL day long. ALL FREAKING DAY! It took everything in me not to take the kids out for dinner tonight. But that wasnt plan and so it didnt happen. I havent been hungry today so its not a hunger food though... all in my head. UHHH.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Januarys workout schedule

My proposed January workout schedule When it says video it means a chalean video. Im also training for a half marathon in April so there is some increasing mileage. The CC means my calorie goal for that day.

quick post

Need to head to work but wanted to say hi.

Yesterday I was lucky to have 2 heart to hearts with a coworker and then my best friend and I feel so much better inside. I see light at the end of the tunnel. Hopeful. Its nice.

The birthday challenge on the side of my blog is a bust... im going up and down up and down. This weeks weigh in on sunday will probually be way up because I have eaten like I have never seen food before. Ridiculous. I let my feelings get to me and tried to stuff them down with food.

Jan 2nd I start a 90 day beach body challenge using ChaLean - very excited. I did my January workout schedule. I will be posting it tonight. It is very ambitious between the chaLean videos, training for a half and knowing the tough mudder is coming up! But if I only do 80% of what I have scheduled I will be very happy.

I am taking down the birthday challenge and putting up the 90 day chaLean challenge. I am hoping to lose 20 lbs in the next 90 days. More importantly I want to loss a crapload of inches! And feel stronger!

Thursday, December 27, 2012


Just too tired to post everything tonight... but reminder to myself for tomorrows post.
Januarys workout schedule
Januarys food plan
Spring training

Holy moly Im tired! We got home late from Jersey last night after hitting horrible traffic in Deleware and baby girl just wasnt having going back to bed in her crib. I finally put her into bed with me. And now Im up and trying to get ready for work so I will make this quick.

Sorry about the blah blah blah poor pitiful me post... yes they annoy me too. But this is my outlet and sometimes I need to get those feelings written down and out of my head. It helps. A lot.

I have a good life - I need to realize it a bit more.

Hopefully today I will have some down time at work and make my workout/training schedule - will post when its done. And holiday eating is DONE. DONE DONE DONE.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012


I need to get out of my poor me pity party that i have been stuck in lately. I have been having all those horrible thoughts...that no one likes me, that everyone is just putting up with me and that im not good enough. not a good enough mother, wife, friend. I KNOW its not true but sometime those feelings win and it sucks.                                                                  Im typing this from my phone while hubby is driving in the pouring rain on our way home from jersey. This time last year in the smae weather at the same time we had our bad car trying not to have a small breakdown. Everything that means something to me is in this van.  Regular post coming soon...

Sunday, December 23, 2012

why you shouldnt peak...

Todays weigh in ... 171.4. Down 1.4 lbs. I should be happy. A loss is a loss right? So why am I so bummed?

Because yesterday morning I peeked to see what the scale was saying and it said 170.0. I was hoping will all my hope to see 169.8 this morning! I want back out of the 170s!

And Im bummed because I did "everything" right yesterday that if 170.0 the day before was real that I could have easily seen 168.8. I stayed within the 1400 calorie goal and even though I was tired when I got home - I still got my workout in.

So did I do "everything" right? Nope. Looking back I did not. Other things are important too... like sleep. Last night I barely got 4 hours of sleep - I stayed up WAY too late reading a book and then baby girl woke up 4 hours later. uhhhh. I also had some salty food right before I went to bed and barely drank any water yeterday. So no I didnt do everything I could have.

I cant believe its the 23rd of December! Im off now until the 27th and plan to have a great time with my family. Today we have last minute things to do around the house and a playdate with Gavins best friend. Tomorrow we need to make cookies for santa and have a annual dinner with friends. And then my favorite day of all - Christmas!

If Im not back before then - I hope everyone has a great Christmas and hold those that you love close this year.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Good morning!

Just a quick post while I sit and enjoy my cup of coffee...

I actually woke up when my alarm went off this morning at 515am, threw my clothes on and headed down to the treadmill. I hate running on the treadmill. My pace feels so much slower. The time seems to take so much longer. And of course 20 min into my 30 min planned workout baby girl is wide awake and LOUD. So that ended that workout. I will do some stairs at work today and then take the dog for a quick jog tonight when I get home to make up for it.

And holy moly my butt is sore this morning! Its a good sore but ouch... havent felt muscle soreness there in a long time!

Lunches are packed - need to go to the store soon or I wont have anything tomorrow though. Enjoying my 10 min of peace and quiet with my coffee while Bre has her morning snack then the chaos will start. Attempting to take a shower with a 1 year old loose is NOT easy and Im sure the 6 year old will be up soon saying "mom mom mom" atleast 100 times before I drop them off at the sitter at 715...

Hope everyone has a great day!

Oh and why on earth is it warm and raining in Maryland in December.... wth is the snow!?!  I want a white Christmas!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

busy busy busy

Today has been a crazy busy day but I have gotten so so so much done! Here is a taste...

715am   up with the kids getting ready for school
830am   took G to school today to deliver all of our presents to the teachers and staff
9am      FIRST chaLean workout. Omg my arms were shaking when I was done. LOVED IT!
940am   enjoyed a chocolate shakeology shake for breakfast
945am-12pm CLEANED cleaned and cleaned some more. Have a super clean house right now. It will last maybe a day with my crew!
1230     Lunch - left over chicken breast, brown rice, and tons of veggies

Now Im catching up on here. Need to wrap a few more gifts and take a shower. Will pick up baby girl from daycare - yes I sent my daughter to daycare on a day I was off. How else would I get stuff done.

Tonight will be craft making with Gavin, dinner, maybe watch a family movie tonight and finish the book I started a few days ago.

No wonder Im tired :)

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

what to do what to do...

First I have to tell you - I have a bit of inner turmoil going on. I ordered the ChaLean program from beachbody and joined a 90 day challenge. The challenge starts Jan 2nd and my videos and shakes should be here Dec 20th. I plan to start right away. Here is where my inner turmoil starts. First the coach told me to enjoy the holidays, dont over do it and be ready to go by Jan 2nd. Then hubby tells me yesterday ... enjoy the next few days, quit stressing about food. When the videos get here or right after xmas start them and go hard core. Well that wasnt my plan. My plan right now is to stay ON PLAN.... wavering a bit for things I have been looking forward to for Christmas (its only once a year) and then immediately back on track. But now ALL I want to do is relax, bake cookies and enjoy the holidays in all its glory and forget watching my calories, forget working out. AND I KNOW THAT IS NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO! I know it but its still freaking hard. There will always be something - a holiday, party, birthday, vacation - coming... you cant wait forever to start!

Second - my running goals for 2013. Im torn on what to do for that aswell. I pretty much decided to do the columbia half marathon but pretty sure thats not in my friend Laura's plans anymore. Yes I can do it myself. But one the timing wasnt the best for me - its two days before we go to Texas. And two, training for a half is so much more fun when you know someone else is running it too and doing all the training.  Yes I have decided that I am still doing a half in the spring and the Iron Girl Half  may still be the race. Pretty sure the race needs to be in April training wise and dont have the time to go further away and there isnt many options that early in the season around here.

Also need to figure out my running plan for January - I really want to do the resolution run on New Years day... need to work out the logistics.

My events for 2013 so far...
January 1st - Resolution run??? 
February - ???
March 30th - the bunny run 5k
April 28th - Iron girl half marathon
May 18th - Warrior Dash
June 1st - TOUGH MUDDER!!!!

After tough mudder I will map out my summer and fall plans... debating full vs half marathon in the fall. Havent decided yet.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

proud of me ... and dreaded pics...


Im writing this as a two part post although you will be reading it all together. I am in an AWESOME mood. Tired. But happy and proud of me. BUT I know me, and as soon as I take my pics I will only think horrible things and I dont want it to ruin my happy place. So this is my happy place. Later probually not so much :) And yes it might seem like Im bipolar as you read it all together but Im ok... promise.

Today I have felt in control of my eating for the first time in a LONG time. I went to a 3 year olds bday party  today. It wasnt at a meal time. I ate before I went. I told myself that I dont need anything. There was pizza, soda, chips, cake, icecream. And I ate NADA... not one single bite. PROUD OF ME!!!! Drank my bottle of water and ate once I got home. Yaaa me!

I also went back to tracking on ... it has such a better app then the weight watchers app and I like seeing my breakdown of carbs, protein, ect.

Im also reenergized for tough mudder! I cant wait to really get into training. And one of my favorite bloggers over at will be there! I know she is "normal" but I totally am in awe... she is such an inspiration.

ok - still need to get the kids settled and bathed and in bed. TTYL

OMG OMG OMG...ewwwww. Im looking at these pics and cant see ANYTHING I like. I look unhappy. My posture is HORRIBLE. I have NO chin, no definintion. And I have back rolls. Guess we need to stop ignoring and acknowledge before you can improve and fix things. Im sending these to walgreens right now to print to put on my mirror. EWW EWW EWW.

morning person

One day I will be a morning person - I hope. Its not today though :) Unfortinately for me, my children are both early happy risers. So at 530 am I was barely awake as my 1 year old is happy and singing to me. Coffee is my friend.

Bre is sooooo close to taking her first steps. She will shuffle a few inches forward then throw herself face first towards where she is going. SO so so close. I hope she doesnt do it tomorrow while Im at work. Today or Tuesday would be awesome please. I missed G's first steps.

We have another hectic busy day today - my niece has her third birthday today and lots to do around the house. Im aiming for yoga this morning too although I really have no desire to go. And my gym is redoing the floors in the main room so there is a temporary schedule out that I forgot to pick up so I dont even know if they have yoga at the regular time.

As for weigh ins... 172.8. Down 1.2. I will take it.

Tonight I will be posting new pics and measurements. Cover your eyes.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

pity party...

post removed.... putting my issues out in the world only makes myself feel slightly better and other people feel worse. Not worth it.

Friday, December 14, 2012

changing up the game plan

Obviously if you look at the weights on the right my 15 lb challenge isnt going so well. Hell Ive gained weight!

And if you are not new to my blog you will also notice a pattern. I do awesome, feel great, amazing on top of the world. Figure I can keep doing it without my antidepressant and I stop it. About 3 months later I hit a new low and struggle for about a month and then go back on my happy pill.

This month is no different. I have been struggling for weeks now. This is the longest since I have gone without it - I need to realize that I may just be one of those people that need a medication to help with my mood. And postpartum the second time is worse and maybe a year just isnt long enough.

So I restarted the medication today. Not very happy about it. I do NOT like relying on a medication to help me get through the day.

The other thing I have been struggling with is that I am pretty good at helping other people reach their goals. I  am a great cheerleader and pusher for other people but I suck at doing it for myself. And unfortinately I dont have alot of people to be my cheerleader - to keep me accountable and push me. Ive decided I need a bit more help. I decided to join a 90 day beachbody challenge. I got in touch with my coach and reordered shakeology and ordered the Chelean videos. I will be doing them in addition to my running/spinning and maybe swimming.

I decided to make a new tab to follow the 90 days ... once the videos come in I will redo my pictures and stats.

Hopefully this is what I need.


Today will be a good day.

Im sick of giving into the stressed out aspect of this time of year. Im sick of too many "to-do's" on the list and  no plan on how to attack them. Im sick of feeling sorry for myself for NO REASON. Im sick of thinking I dont deserve to come first and that I let life take over and plow me under with the massive piles of crap I need to do.

So first and foremost I went to the gym website and reserved my baby time - I will be so freaking happy when Bre is walking and I dont have to reserve time anymore! SHOCKINGLY I got the time I wanted for today, tomorrow and Sunday. I guess people are not heading to the gym and shopping instead. Silver lining - hopefully when the masses hit the gym after the first of the year Bre will be walking so I wont be fighting all these people for the baby slots!

Second, Im making a massive list of all list. The top will be what I HAVE to do today, tomorrow and sunday. The bottom will be what else needs to be done between now and xmas but will get done as things fit in.

Luckily since I worked 72 freaking hours in 8 days... I have 4 days off, work one then 3 days off, work 2 then 4 days off :)

I also have been thinking about how I log my food... so the ww app SUCKS. Big time. And I just cant get to a computer all the time to log things and carrying around a notebook wasnt working either. So I got some index cards. I will throw the index card in my pocket and will write things as I eat them and then some time through out the day I will get on the computer and log it. We will see how that works.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

stressed out

I am so incredibly stressed out and Im annoyed at myself for being stressed over little things. Other people are dealing with sickness, loss of loved ones, loss of jobs, difficulty making ends meat, divorce, abuse.... serious things. Things that should make you stressed out.

I have two healthy vibrant children, an amazing husband, a job I love that provides well for my family.

Yet I am stressed out over every little thing. Im spending too much money for the holidays and stressing every time I buy something else. Im stressed that I am not seeing my kids enough - yet Im checking my email instead of being on the floor rolling around with a one year old. Im stressed out that there isnt enough time in the day and that Im exhausted - yet instead of going to bed early and getting some sleep and feeling rested Im on here and catching up on my tv shoes.

Im stress eating like a crazy person. And I keep telling myself "I will start tomorrow, ok I will start tomorrow". Tomorrow never comes.

Im up for suggestions... how do I stay in the now? How do I focus on being healthy and enjoy the moments that Im having instead of waiting for a magical day that is never going to happen? How do I let this "omg I cant breath" stress feeling go away?

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

crap load

I have a crap load to share but I have worked 72 hours in the last 8 days. Im EXHAUSTED. I will share tomorrow... good night!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

horrible sunday weigh in...

As expected - todays weigh in sucked. Do I deserve a bad weigh in... 100% yes. I have eaten crap. Drank crap. And minimal exercise. If I would have had anything but a crappy weigh in then I would be very confused right now.

Todays weigh in 174. I think thats up 2.6 or something like that from last week.

I am sabataging myself. I dont know why but I know thats what Im doing. I know Im purposely putting off eating right, exercising, drinking water. I act like I will never get to eat something "fun" again. But the smart previously healthier version of me knows that ..
1. once Im eating healthier the crap wont taste "fun" but kind of gross and I wont want most of it anyways and
2. you can always have a bit of this or a taste of that as long as the rest of the time you are making smart choices and getting your body moving.

I KNOW what to do. I KNOW why I should do it but I keep myself from doing it.

I am very frustrated with myself at this moment.

On a plus side - operation no snooze was a success today. Woke up when the alarm went off at 515, got up, dressed and down stairs to do an insanity video. Now Im sitting here sweaty and awesome trying not to vomit... those videos are NO joke.

Im preparing for a crazy busy Sunday at work - we have a part time doc working with me today from another institution. He has only done one shift with us and never a day shift so I will be picking up a lot of slack today. fun fun. Its ok though - I love love love my job. I am very lucky to be able to say that - a lot of people cannot.

Off to take a shower and make a protein shake for breakfast - havent had one of those in a long long time.

Today is day one of an awesome week.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

tomorows weigh in...

Tomorrows weigh in is going to SUCK. Nothing to it... 100%  suck.

If I would have been on point for the last 3 weeks I could be 6-10 lbs lighter. Instead Im 3-5 lbs heavier than when I started. So frustrated with myself! But regardless this is where I am and got to keep moving forward right?

This week sucked for both me and my partner in health Laura - sorry to call you out girlie but we sucked this week!

We have pledged to each other that tomorrow is a new day and we are going to rock this next week. Even promised each other tomorrow that we will be updating each other on every thing we eat... no fibbing, no cheating!

I have also pledged - to all of you ...
WAY more water... minimally 2 of my big bottles/day
NO snooze... not 6 times, not once... NO SNOOZE.
Logging logging and logging my food. Every B L T!

My alarm sucks.

OK no... I suck for hitting snooze 20 million times every morning and missing my before work work out.

Goal for this next week... NO SNOOZE BUTTON!

I even have the damn thing acrossed the room. Doesnt matter. I need one of those that roll around off the table and you have to find it to turn it off!

Time to rush to get ready for work - blah!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

My little girl is 1!!!!

Today was my little girls first birthday - I have NO clue where this year went. Our family is so much better now that we are a family of 4... it feels so right. She is funny, sweet, lovey. She LOVES her big brother. And she is 100% a daddies girl.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

I have some new races in the works and feel like having something to work towards and a training plan - I feel embowered and in control again. Its a great feeling!

My next half marathon will be at the end of April. I want to break 2:15. So I have some training to do :) My official training will start the second week of January. Until then I have mapped out my December workout regimen. I will be a mix of running 3-4 miles, speed work, insanity videos, yoga and rest.

My pal Laura has challenged me to a December reward challange. 6 lbs from TODAY to be off my body by  Dec 31st and 14 miles ran. Im up to 5 miles for the month. My reward will be a pretty girlie delicate looking bangle type watch. They make my wrist feel small :)

What isnt feeling small right now is me... I ran outside tonight. Its dark obviously so I wanted to wear something bright and my shirt from the Shamrock marathon is hot pink. Ummmmm doesnt fit. Not even a little bit. It was skin freaking tight. Yuck. I wanted to throw it away in disgust but I think instead once I log off of here - I am going to go put it back on and take a picture and put it on my mirror... talk about inspiration.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

random and running

I hate that I wait until the end of the day to post... now Im tired and all of the words in my head are telling me to keep it short instead and go to bed! So we will keep this semi -short...

  • Not so great on the weight loss this week, not surprised though. If you dont put in the work, you wont get the rewards...
  • Started this morning off by meeting someone that has become a friend without me even meeting her... and after meeting her I still like her... hehehe :)
  • Ran a local 5k this morning with above mentioned new friend. The race itself I was NOT a fan of. It was a route I knew well... thank goodness because it was poorly marked, saw one volunteer on the entire route, no water stop (for those that may have needed it),  we were on the end part of the race and the police had left and no one was man-ing the main intersections. And the worst part - when I expressed my concern via email afterwards... the race director went on the defensive and said pretty much they couldnt control the police. Yes, but the runners safety is you #1 job as a race director. 
  • Went to see Breaking Dawn 2 tonight - loved it!
  • Tomorrow Im making my spring running training plan. 
  • Getting up in am for yoga... need to go to bed.
Sorry this isnt the post that I wanted or saw in my head. And yes I have pics but Im too tired to load them.