Thursday, September 30, 2010

UPDATE on the Top 100

First Weekly UPDATE
1. 30 min of exercise, even if its just running around with my preschooler or taking my dog for a brisk walk, minimum every single day. Not so hot on this one so far, have not worked out in for three days running but if you follow my blog I just discussed this in detail and Im getting back on track today!

2. Start taking a multi vitamen every day - I have no clue why I have such a difficulty with this!?! Woohoo I have actually done this one! I dont think I can honestly say that I feel any different because of it yet but its only been a week.

3. JOURNAL, JOURNAL, JOURNAL... both my food and my blog :) Umm... yea, I have been blogging like a crazy women. But need to work on the food journaling though.

4. Spend more time with my friends and let them know how much I care for them. Not sure on this one, I havent had much down time to work on this. I hope they know how much they mean to me :)

5. Hit the 140s! Yup havent made even an miliwatt coverage on this one - NADA, nothing, but like I said above it you read me you read about this too.

6. Run a half marathon (october 16th!!!) This is coming up SOOOO soon - 15 days to be exact. Getting a tad bit nervous!

7. Start every morning and end every night letting my husband know that I love him. This hasnt been going so hot either - we havent really been connecting much this week. We have been passing in the dark it seems and when we are both home we have been doing our own thing. We need to work on the reconnecting thing.

8. Read Gavin a book before bed most nights. When I have been home this has been a go - last night we sat on the couch and told each other short stories. It was so cute!

9. Be more silly, fun, and active with Gavin. Ditto number 8s response

Ok having relooked at these, I agree that this is what I need to work on but curious if I should lump some of them together. 9 goals is quite a bit!
How is your first week of the last 100 days of 2010 going???

RAINY RAINY thursday...

It is a raining mess today - to the point where public schools had to close early due to flash floods. Holy moly!

Plan today was to drop G off and head directly to the gym for my 10 mile run. Well from the car to preschool to car left me with soaking wet socks and shoes. Not really great run materials. So the plan was to pop by Rach's house, let my socks dry (I have an extra pair of running shoes in the car) then head out. Well the rainy bummy day took over and I never made it to the gym.

Am I bummed - sort of but its all good.

When I picked G up we braved the rain and went to the grocery store. Hubby went yesterday and filled my house with JUNK... I swear he is trying to sabatage me! So I went and bought some lean meats and tons and tons of veggies. Im going to make some veggie soup this afternoon. And plan to marinate and grill some chicken for the use of the next few days this afternoon. Im going to aim for a few days to eat clean and fresh... I was inspired by the biggest loser this week (watched it last night). Im going to aim for my carbs in the am only and lean meats and tons of veggies for lunch and dinner and fruit and veggies for snacks. While I would LOVE to eat like that all the time, I know that isnt realistic but I can get me doing it for a few days then just try to do it primarily.

I dont need all that other stuff. I dont need the snacks, chips, ect. I buy all this "diet" type food. Low fat, low sugar man made full of preservative crap and think Im eating healthy since Im eating low calorie. Yes it has helped me loose weight but hasnt helped me to really learn to care for my body right or make myself feel better. I think more whole healthy fresh nonprocessed food will do that.

So we will see how I feel for the next few days.

Today so far I have had
Lite english muffin with natural peanut butter and fruit preserves
tuna fish with mustard, a smear of mayo made with canola oil and dill with 1 serving of lite wheat thins

In a perfect world the lunch would have been tuna wrapped in lettuce leaves(I actually like that :) ) and some carrot sticks.

I will still get my 10 miles in today but they may be spread out over the course of the afternoon. But they will get in and so will some weight work! But first, a nap with my adorable 4 year old!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

where does the real me go?

Where does the real me go when the not so great me takes over.

Where does the real me go when the unhealthy me starts taking over.

Where does the real me go when the bad me starts calling myself not worth it, fat and ugly?

Where does the real me go when I am rolling down that horrible period of overeating, not exercising, not drinking water, not sleeping, and not caring about my body?

Can someone PLEASE tell me the answers to this because I really dont know. I do so well. I feel so proud of me. I feel strong and in charge. I feel happy and at piece with myself. I feel like I am worth it. THEN...

It just goes away in a big poof for a few days and the real me goes into hiding and lets my evil twin take over without a fight.

The last 3 days I have worked, no big deal. But I gave up and didnt get up to work out before hand. Didnt workout afterwards. Didnt journal. Didnt watch what I ate. Didnt make good food choices. Didnt take the stairs. Didnt drink hardly ANY water. Didnt care about me.

But those three days are over. Im taking back over. I want that evil twin part of me to GO AWAY! Why cant I be the person that can have a one snack or meal set back and then go about my marry way but still make good choices and be healthy... not turn that one snack, meal, or thought into a big messy mess.

A few days ago I posted that I wanted to hit 155 this week. I wanted it bad... well I sabataged that from happenning.

BUT right this moment, tonight .... right now... Im taking back over.

Tomarrow is a run day. A 10 mile scheduled run - my last 10 mile run before going to 6 then 3. My half marathon is 16 days away :) ANd they are calling for a raining, flooding, high wind mess. Which means there is no way in hell I will be running outside. Am I giving up running??? NOPE! I will be tkaing G to preschool and heading to the gym. Im thinking 2 miles on 5 different treadmills. That will break it up a bit right?

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

a better day

Wow what a night of sleep can do for you! I didnt get up in time to work out but I woke up rested and happy and ready to go to work. I felt like I was drugged last night - I was nauseated, the room was spinning... I was THAT tired.

Hope to get alittle workout in after work today, we will see... will post more later!

Monday, September 27, 2010

a ton...

I have posted a ton lately - no clue what has came over me... best therapy ever!

I slept a whole 90 min last night so needless to say the gym just didnt happen this morning. I have to get ready for work in a few min - very bummed that I dont have a NP student following me around today to do all of my time consuming annoying work. Maybe we will be slow and I can get in a catnap... yea right!

Forgot to mention a few things yesterday -
1. Wish I would have done this sooner but come Oct 1st I will be posting monthly pics to see some progress as I lose the last bit of weight and tone up... baby belly is still DISGUSTING 4 years later.
2. I will update my stats page too... sorry about that, I have it all written down just not on here.
3. I have the best bestfriend EVER - Rach surprised me with an awesome necklace yesterday for when I finish the half marathon that has three charms - one says "run like a girl", one is a girl runner and one is a 13.1 symbol. Its perfect! And the note was touching... thank you!
4. If my floors dont come in soon Im going to SCREAM... I want them done before my dad gets here and he will be here in 2 weeks !~

ok I need to go get ready for work... Im going to be so freaking tired later. Hopefully Im not stupid in my tiredness. I work 36 hours in the next three days. This is not the way I want to start it! TTYL!

Can someone PLEASE explain to me...

WHY THE HELL IM AWAKE?!? Its 2am... I work tomarrow. I signed up for 545am spin class before work. I was EXHAUSTED at 10pm when I went to lay down. Yet here I am. Its 2 am and I have tossed and turned for HOURS. My mind just wouldnt turn off. Nothing important, most of the time it was stupid songs it was singing. Hubby just came to bed and I said - forget it Im getting up for a bit and will try again. SO here I am....

And do you think I will be getting up in 3 hours to go to the gym before working 12 hours being responsible for saving lives? ummmm no.

Not to mention the junk I just ate that I do didnt need.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

9/26 take 2...

I really wish I didnt wait until the end of the day to blog about how my day went. Im exhausted right now and none of the excitement that I felt earlier will really come through and I dont feel like doing the work to post pics or my nike+ info.

So I spent an awesome day with my kid running errands and what not and even curled up and took a nap together... soon he will be too old to do that with mommy :(

Gavins quote/question of the day "Mom, is it hard working being a mommy?" so cute!

Then when Eric got home from work at 4 - I was already in workout gear with water bottles filled ready to head out. Now no one filled me in on something with training - last week was my longest run, 12 miles, and now its time to start scaling back before the BIG DAY. So todays run was 10 miles. I ROCKED it! Coming down in mileage is SOOOOOO much more fun then going up. Two weeks ago 10 miles was so difficult. Not today! Yes it was tough, yes I was ready to be done but I was in the zone most of the run. Even picked up my speed my last 3 miles (there was another runner about 1/4 mile or so ahead of me and I was trying to catch up... she ran faster so didnt happen but I felt so good picking up my speed!). I completed the 10 miles in 1 hour and 42 minutes. So about ten minutes a mile, slightly faster than normal time.

After my run it was time to warm up dinner and then we had to head to walmart, blah.

I have it all on nike+ but just dont have the energy ... Im sitting here as a giant lump. Im going to go soak in the tub and head to bed early tonight. My goal is to get up and go to 545am spin class before work tomarrow... we will see...


Its sunday and my only day off :( uhhhh... so that means a ton needs to be done in a short period of time and I will feel like I have NO day off. Bummer.

Started the day off making pancakes for me and my little man. I made the fiber one pancakes... very mixed review. They were alittle blah but for four points they were very fluffy and filling. I think I could jazz them up big time next time - some raspberries or blueberries, maybe a banana. Gavin told me that they werent as good as the restaurant but good. haha

We have a jam packed day. We need to get up and moving. Promised I would buy G some new shoes that light up - boys, go figure! We also need a new vaccum since ours died. My house is a DISASTER. My poor dog has been ignored and needs some serious play time. Eric will be off work at 3 and I already reserved my alone time after he gets home to get my 10 mile run in. Then some much needed family time, maybe a walk at the promenade or the state park... its nice, crisp and cool outside!

And lastly I need to give big love and shout outs to my wonderful step mom. Tressa is 55 years old. Last year she did NO exercise. She was mildly overweight - nothing major but not fit. She decided to take control of her life and has become an amazing inspiration. She started to work out and that turned into wanting to bike. That turned into swimming. Then running. Now she has completed 3 triathalons this year (hitting the podium twice I think), she is planning a half marathon in November and her first half ironman (1 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13 mile run) in 3 weeks! Her body has completly changed, she looks SOOOO MUCH younger than she did before and Im sure her energy is through the roof... she inspires me every day!

This is Tressa on the left with my cousin Crystal on the right finishing a triathalon a few weeks ago. Crystal is amazing too but thats another post )

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Operation 155!

I am giving myself a challange for this week - get below 155 for the first time in over 15 years!

With keeping my workouts up to par and controlling my eating this week - I KNOW I can do it!

So my goals this week...
1. JOURNAL everything, everyday!
2. Stay within my points.
3. Drink tons of water.
4. Get all my workouts in.

Workout schedule for this week...
Sunday - 10 mile run
Monday - Early morning spin class
Tuesday - Weight training
Wednesday - Early morning spin class
Thursday - 10 mile run
Friday - weight training
Saturday - off

Todays food journal 9/25/10
Breakfast - Light english muffin with 1 tbsp natural peanut butter and pear butter, coffee with almond milk (4)
Snack - 6 triscuts (2)
Lunch - Spicy blackbean burger on sandwich thin with WW cheese, 1 tbsp hummus, 1 oz pretzels, 1 cup grapes (8)
Snacks - granola bar (2) yogurt (2)
Dinner - Egg white sandwich on light english muffin, bites of pasta dish (5)
Snack - 2 twizzlers (2)
25 points total


Yup that was my weight - again. Am I bummed... nope! I did NOT eat well this week. I am very happy to see that between eating crud and being on my monthly... still getting my exercise in allows me to maintain.

Yes if I would have been better even a bit I would have lost but its nice not to see a gain and reminds me that once Im at goal I will be able to stay there!

Im off to work today - will post tonight. I have made my workout and eating goals for this week to restart that downward trend in the weight department!

Friday, September 24, 2010


This that were great today...

1. got the 12 mile run in and I know without a doubt Im ready for the half.
2. sort of straightened up my house
3. prepped early for dinner

Not so great today...

1. The 12 mile run ... in the HEAT and humidity (hello mother nature its FALL outside!), ran out of water mid way, not the best running mood, walked more of it then I would like to admit to. Finished in 2 hours and 45 min.
2. Didnt get to the library
3. NO nap and Im TIRED - I could have since Rach was awesome enough to keep G for nap but knew if I tried to then I would regret it tonight when I couldnt sleep

Its only 4pm and I feel like its time to crawl into bed for the night....

friday :)

Friday does not mean to me what it means to alot of others - I work ALOT of weekends and have time off during the week. So this friday is like my sunday since I was off yesterday and today and work tomarrow...

Regardless I still get excited that its friday :)

Im dreading weighing in tomarrow, eating has NOT been my good spot this week. Im getting my eating back together today. Not really looking forward to my run today either - I woke up stiff, so hoping that it changes within the hour before my run starts!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

another day gone, 99 to go :)

So today wasnt the greatest day Ive had but it wasnt aweful either. I ate way too much, but besides just being exhausted I had a great day.

Some things that didnt happen ... I didnt work out, I didnt read to G (but we did make cookies together) but I did take my vitamin. I did spend sometime for me - and enjoyed lunch out with a friend. Had a great nap too.

G and I made "A" shaped sugar cookies tonight - my stupid camera was dead so no pics, sorry. It is "A" week at preschool so we are taking in "A" shaped cookies, apple slices, and local apple cider. I rock as a mom :)

I also started my xmas shopping for G today - got him a few leapster games that were on sale. I almost bought the Tag system and Tag map but I think I can find a better deal online. I started looking at all the starwars stuff too... oh the joys of having a boy :)

I have only ran once this week and it wasnt that great of a run so Im alittle nervous about tomarrow - tomarrow is my longest run before scaling back before the big half marathon. 12 miles tomarrow. Some of the negatives - we arent starting the run until alittle after 9am since I have to take G to school. I prefer to start my runs earlier. And its going to be hot and humid for some crazy reason tomarrow, they are calling for it to be 92 freaking degrees... hello its fall!?! And then saturday it cuts back to the low 70s, figures! But the good - I will be running with Nicole... yaaa for her knee feeling better! So since we will be running together, I know I will complete the 12 miles no matter what. Then its all down hill from there. Doing 10 miles 2-3 times next week, 6 miles the following week and 3 miles 1-2 times the week of the big run... so 7 or so more runs before the big one... wow!

Ok off to relax... got a new book this evening. Think Im heading for a bath :)

Tomarrow in a nut shell...
1. Get up with G and get him ready for school
2. 12 mile run with Nicole :)
3. Pick up G, nap time for him... maybe me too
4. Trip to the library with G
5. Dinner and family time

can barely stay awake...

I am EXHAUSTED! I hate when I have a day off and all I want to do is go to sleep! Im not sure if its because I havent been eating that great or because Im bleeding to death (I know TMI) but I am so so so tired.

I just took a nap but did it help - nope.

Here is to a better rest of the day.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

100 days left in 2010...

I follow Anne's blog and she got my attention today and shared another awesome inspiring blog over at

Did you know that as of tomarrow there are only 100 days left of 2010?!?

It feels like the New Year just happened... it feels like I just said that 2010 will be my best year ever. That 2010 will be the year that I will be who I really want to be, open up to myself and be an inspiration to myself. Well the year has FLOWN and now there are only 100 days left!

I could say OMG OMG OMG I cant get where I want to be in 100 days.

BUT NOPE... I have 100 chances to make me a better person, a happier person, a more well rounded and healthy person. A better mom. A better wife. A better friend.

So I am all about this 100 day challange!

Here is what I will be doing for the next 100 days....

1. 30 min of exercise, even if its just running around with my preschooler or taking my dog for a brisk walk, minimum every single day.

2. Start taking a multi vitamen every day - I have no clue why I have such a difficulty with this!?!

3. JOURNAL, JOURNAL, JOURNAL... both my food and my blog :)

4. Spend more time with my friends and let them know how much I care for them.

5. Hit the 140s!

6. Run a half marathon (october 16th!!!)

7. Start every morning and end every night letting my husband know that I love him.

8. Read Gavin a book before bed most nights - I slack on this way more than I should.

9. Be more silly, fun, and active with Gavin.

What will you do in the next 100 days???

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

26 days...

26 days until my first half marathon!

22 days before my Dad comes to visit and see me in my first half marathon!

22 days before I get a week off to enjoy with my family!

3 days until my longest run in training (12 miles) before I start cutting back.

Those numbers both excite and 100% stress me out! I am so proud of myself that I have gotten to this point. I have made a goal and stuck with it week after week. I have made a new friend in this process that is like my blond, taller, fairer twin :)

I want to take the feeling that accomplishing this goal and put it into other goals in my life.

ohhhh and in 2 weeks or so Im going to go treat myself to some new fall clothes - I cant wear a single top from last fall, they are all HUGE!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Morning didnt go quite as planned...

Well this morning I had grand plans but they didnt quite work out the way I wanted them to. I made the best of it though.

First I started my freaking period right before walking out the door - could have been worse I guess, could have been in the middle of my run! So around 840 I left to drop G off at preschool. When I got there I realized I forgot G's lunch (he was staying for lunch bunch so I could get my long run in). So I had to drive all the way home and take his lunch there after I dropped him off. I decided that I would go ahead and drive the new run on the way there to make sure the distance was right. Thank goodness I did. I went the way I thought it was and got very lost - and ended up in Riverside! If I would have ran that way I would have eventually realized I was way off track but then would have had to figure out how to get back home and there is NO way I could have done it before I had to pick up G at 1pm. So by the time I got home it was 945 and I was flustered.

I then decided I would run the say route I did last week - the 10-11 mile run that took me right under 2 hours. That way I could get back, shower and get G. Well the first 3 miles of this run SUCK... its 3 miles of up 3 very steep hills with no real down hill just levels off and goes way up again. Not to mention it was very windy and the wind was coming down the hill at me so I was running against the wind. It SUCKED! When I got to the end - around 3.2-3.4 miles I said screw it, turned around and ran back. Yes I got a major hill workout in today. Yes I ran 6.5 or so miles. Yes I am happy with that. To make up for some of the mileage I will run 3 miles tonight on the treadmill (even suckier!) and get my weight workout in. Fri I will overcome the 11 mile marker - and hopefully with Nicole! Next week is my last week of long runs then its time to scale back ... wow in a little over 3 weeks Im running my first half marathon!!!!

Even if today wasnt what I planned to do - after the weekend I just came off of... overall I am very proud of myself! I am a runner!

Right now Im enjoying a nice frozen banana then its shower time and maybe grocery shopping before getting G.... ttyl!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

A new week...

Wow what a busy busy busy weekend at work. Just finished working 38 hours between fri, sat, sun and I am exhausted. Not because of the hours, thats normal - but the acuity. We were treading water a few times over the weekend. We have alot of sick people right now.

But in the past 3 days, I havent eaten very well since I have rushed to eat when I could eat which wasnt often and I havent exercised AT ALL... I barely have had time to shower and get to bed let alone anything else.

So tomarrow starts a new week. Its still a very busy week but getting back into the swing of things is just as important. So tomarrow I will be going and going and going. First I will be getting G ready for school and get him off, then home to do an 11 mile run, back to pick up G. Tons of errands to run, clothes to wash, house to clean, dog to play with (she was seriously ignored this weekend) and hopefully see my hubby a bit tomarrow.

We have been passing like shadows in the night this past week... love that he will be back on days for two weeks!

soooo tired!

I am so freaking tired. I have worked harder the past two days then I think I have ever worked. The ICU is incredibly busy right now with very high acquity. I am about to go back in and really hope it has slowed down a bit overnight.

On a plus side - todays weight 175.5... down 4 lbs from the gain from last week. Kind of surprised by that because I havent made very healthy choices the last few days since I have been STARVING by the time I can eat. Yesterday I didnt eat lunch until 530pm. But I guess when you only get a chance to eat once a day it doesnt really matter that its high calorie.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

oh my stomach...

My stomach did NOT agree with my eating from yesterday. All night I had a huge pain in my left upper quadrant and it feels miserable today. Not to mention I have been in the bathroom - alot... i know too much info!

Hope it goes away soon - I have promised to feed it well today...

Friday, September 17, 2010

the good and the bad...

While its bad - its still all good :)

Today was a ridiculously busy day in the ICU... running around like a crazy person most of the day. Didnt eat or drink anything until almost 2pm and by then I felt like I could eat my arm... and while my healthy lunch warmed up I inhaled 2 donuts :( then got fast food (i know i know) on my way home.

Yes I packed healthy lunch, dinner and snacks. No I did not really stick to them at all. If I would have forced myself to take 2 min to have a snack at 10 and 4 or 5pm then maybe I would have made better choices. But I didnt.

ANd you know what - dont feel that horrible about it. I had one "off" day - in the grand scheme of things I am doing freaking awesome. I have lost 45 lbs. I have learned to run. Exercise is a normal part of my life. I am making very good changes if you look at the big picture!

I just mapped out my 12 mile run for monday... wow I cant believe I can run that far! I will try to get in a quick run in the morning before work tomarrow and weights since its an even day.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Anyone can run...

I know what your thinking - you arent a runner. You cant run more than a min or two without feeling massively out of breath. Your sides hurt. Your legs hurt. You feel stupid. You are too heavy to run.

Well guess what ...??? You are WRONG. 100% completely and totally wrong!

I was one of those people. I couldnt run - could barely finish 1 lap. I couldnt breath. It hurt. But guess what? If you keep doing it, every time it gets a bit easier. Eventually your breathing gets more even... hell now I can even talk and run... crazy.

I went from 100% a nonrunner - and heavy at 201lbs to boot - to following C25K, running my first 5k, stopped running and it sucked again, redid C25K, ran a 10K and in exactly one month I will be running my first half marathon... and already agreed to do a full marathon in March!

And today I did something awesome too... I ran my first double digit run! 11 miles in just shy of 2 hours. I was in the zone, some of the hills sucked but I was happy the entire run! I even ran with music whick I dont normally do.
I also had an awesome 90 min massage today, got to see some of my favorite babies - my niece Ava and Rach's little peanut, ate dinner with my little man, put together my AeroGarden! and Im about to go do some weight training.
The weight training is new - I will be adding it to the regimine. I am following the Biggest Loser plan when it comes to weights, every other day - on the even days.

Im up, im up...

My alarm seriously went off like 10 times this morning BUT I finally pushed myself out of bed and now Im up and moving. It didnt start getting light out until 620 this morning - so now its almost 7 since I didnt get up early enough but in about 1o min I will be heading out for my run... I will keep you all posted.. I am finishing this damn run today!

On a side note - of course I couldnt stay off the scale ALL week... I have a huge weakness for the scale. But Im happy to report that Im back to 157 so the 4.5 lbs I gained last week are gone and I still have 3 days until my official weigh in so I am hoping for 155 but that is possibly very wishful thinking. What normally happens is mid week I weigh myself and I do awesome so my mind takes over and I slack the rest of the week because 1. Im still so scared to actually succeed and 2. I act like deserve the treats from the hard work the first part of the week. Regardless I sabatage myself and barely lose a lb that week. No more!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Love the library...

I forgot how awesome the library is! I have been checking out tons and tons of cookbooks just to get some new ideas.

And I came acrossed this book. I LOVE IT!!! I have learned SOOOO much! It has great little bits of information in it and I want to cook almost every single thing in it. I think I might have to actually buy this one! I have read through it 3 times already!
I got the Eat Clean cookbooks too that have some great recipes on things that I normally use a mix for.

On a side note... tomarrow I am retackleing the 9.6 or so miles that I gave up on after 7 miles on monday. Im running the opposite way to see if that helps. I have a jam packed day planned afterwards so this will be a great way to start the day.

Yesterday I gave in to mexican food but I wasnt horrible - got shrimp fajitas with no extra stuff. Other wise I have been right on point eating wise. I will atleast be back to where I was last week before I went on a 4 day binge!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Yup I will never eat again...

Im sitting here watching Food, inc.

Besides the fact that I am so mad at the food industry on what it doesw to the farmers but what about what its trying to do to us. We are not a concern to them at all! Hello... who the hell thinks its a good idea to put ammonia in the filler for burgers that are currently in over 80% of all packaged or fast food burgers??? Who was the smart guy that said - yes ammonia is great to put in our bodies?!? Who thought it was a good idea to have the cattle standing 2 feet deep in shit, covered in shit all the way to the processing plant, and then lets cut open their intestines at a rate that does not allow for preciseness ... what do you think is in their intestines? Not healthy bacteria thats for sure.

We expect that the government - that oversee's already WAY more than they should - would atleast try to protect the people of the nation ... knowing that the food is unsafe. Why isnt outbreak after outbreak not enough to open these peoples eyes?

So for starters - I will be going to a local farm to order a dozen chickens or so and a 1/4 of a cow.

And dont even get me started on high frutose corn syrup... its in every freaking thing!

Oh and I watched Super Size Me before Food, inc.

I am so upset with myself as a mom - what I am feeding my child. How blind I have been and what I have put in his body.

There will be some changes. Yes the ...

omg omg omg I just saw how they kill the large floor of hogs... omg omg omg... I am so going to vomit!

Ok changes... there will be MAJOR changes in this house! Yes they will be MUCH more expensive changes but regardless I think our health is worth it.

I wish I could have had eric watch this movie with me...he refused. :(

no title...

I hate coming up with titles - there is no theme for todays post, just some random things.

Im back on track diet wise. I have cleaned out my cabinets. Went grocery shopping. Went back to tracking and writing everything down. I stayed right at 26 points yesterday and aiming to do that again today. My goal is not to use any of my weekly extra points, we will see.

I have also decided to attempt not to daily weigh - so next weigh in is next sunday. While I really enjoy daily weigh in's sometimes it has the opposite effect... I see that Im on track so I derail myself.

Todays run was so so... I aimed for a 9.6ish mile run. I took my cell phone for the first time ever since I would be on some back roads. Yes I know I need it but it didnt do me well mentally - I had a way out of my run and 7 miles into it I took advantage of that. I gave in to the mental aspect and called eric and asked him to come pick me up. Here are my excuses - it was hot, I was hungry, tired and my right knee hurt.... yes those are sucky excuses but they worked for me today. Im alittle bummed out but hey I still ran 7 miles today!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

yup a HUGE gain

Not even remotely surprised... todays weigh in 161.5.... thats a 4.5 lb gain this week. Full disclosure right?

Need to get off to work...

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I didnt want to post this...

I didnt want to post this but here goes... I have BINGED, pigged out, stuffed my face, over ate, you name it for about 3 days now. I keep telling myself to stop as Im popping things into my mouth.

I talked my husband into going out for icecream.

I ordered pizza and cheesy bread last night for me and my 4 year old... wonder who ate most of it?!?

I took my friends son to McD's today while we waited to go see his new baby sister and ordered stuff I havent eaten in MONTHS.

I got a few handfuls of candy from the hospital gift shop.

I ate a TON of cheese and crackers for dinner - not to mention the pancakes for breakfast.

I made a full fat full sugar cobbler and I have already eaten half of it. Its so buttery that its on the verge of gross.

I have drank a 12 pk of diet cherry pepsi in the past 3 days.

UHHHHH - I feel disgusting! I feel GROSS. My skin feels disgusting. I am bloated. I have pooped like 5 times today. I have no energy. I feel lazy.

wow I feel so much better just putting all this out there.

The ironic part is I have been educating myself the past few days - I have read some books on cleaner and more local eating. Today I cleaned out my cabinets and went and stocked up on fruits and veggies. I ran 8 freaking miles friday and agreed to sign up for a full marathon come early spring.

I KNOW what I should be doing. I KNOW what makes my body feel and look better. I KNOW I am self sabataging myself. What I dont know is why the fuck im doing it?!?

I am dreading getting on the scale tomarrow. Before I would have just ignored this week all together. Not weighed in until I knew I was back down. No tomarrow morning I am facing the damn scale and will take what it says and move forward.

Tomarrow is a new week. I have fessed up to my shortcomings and will continue to work to turn them around...starting with going into the kitchen and throwing away the rest of that buttery sugary cobbler!

Friday, September 10, 2010

uhhh my belly hurts...

Ive been watching some DVD's and reading a few books and seriously my stomach hurts. I feel like Im going to vomit.

I want to make some major changes to my eating some will be much harder than others...

1. Local or free range (preferebly local) chicken and beef
2. more seafood
3. No diet sodas - have you read the ingredients??!??
4. No aspartamine - probually much easier said than done
5. No fast food

Im sure I will be adding to these but I need a starting point. I am very tempted to go more vegan but Im not sure if I can do that. I want to do more reading of ingredient list - want to not put things in my mouth that the major ingredients are things I cant pronounce. I want to eat more local foods, more fresh foods. Right now I eat ALOT of processed food - I need to cut back before going cold turkey.

Tomarrow morning Im cleaning out the cabinets and fridge, making a trip to the farmers market and prepping some foods.

uhhhh my stomach hurts thinking about what I have put into it!

26.2... really?!?

So 7 miles into Nicole and my run this morning - Nicole brought up wanting to upgrade our next half marathon in March to the full marathon. We chatted about it for another half mile or so and we both agreed that YES come march we will be doing a full marathon.

Im already freaking out about it... and we havent even done the half marathon yet! So that means my winter will be filled with some LONG runs. But I am excited about the prospect... and I will be in kicking healthy shape come spring when Im ready to get preggo.

SO come march I will be running the Virginia Beach marathon!

Todays run went well - we did 8.3 miles in 94 minutes. Not to shabby... and best yet we both felt pretty strong through the entire run and chatted up a storm. It amazes me the differences a few months have made in my running! Now I really hope the swimming in the next few weeks gets easier. It is so much harder than I thought it would be. Im just not good at it but I have to keep reminding myself that I wasnt "good" at running either and now I ROCK! It will come with lots and lots of practice. So tomarrow I will be going to spin class followed by some practice laps in the pool.

Tonight Im about to watch Fast Food Nation. I picked up the book Food, inc and some exercise and clean eating books at the library today. I have been eating HORRIBLY the last few days - I feel gross. Why cant I get my eating under control? I know how it makes me feel afterwards yet I still go there over and over and over!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

random thoughts...

Too late for a full post so here are some random thoughts in my head...

1. swimming is WAY harder than I thought it would be but I will get it!

2. tomarrow I am running 8 miles for the second time this week - woohoo!

3. Tomarrow Im also going and getting a new library card and checking out Food inc, Fast food nation and some of the eat clean books... excited!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

officially a 5 year old :)

Today was my first swim lesson. It went really well and I can see that I am improving but will need lots of practice. I have to remind myself that not so many months ago I could barely run too but didnt give up and look at me now :) So I need to keep up with the swimming and I will get there.

We did freestyle and back stroke today. To start the back stroke she was behind me holding my shoulders... hense the feeling like a 5 year old.

She is very nice and very helpful though and Im happy to have her. My next class in Thursday morning.

Last night I went to retry on the speedo takini I bought at the beginning of the summer. It was too small for me when I bought it so thought it would be perfect now... nope... TOO BIG! I missed the opportunity to wear it. I will need a new bathing suit very soon - the one I have now feels huge.

This week is already flying - love having it off with my family though! Today G had his gradual entry into preschool then we headed to the gym for my lesson. Just finished eating lunch then although I wasnt planning on it - I think I may take a short nap. Then off to home depot to order our new floors - yAAAAA - and since its a GORGEOUS day ... Im thinking we might wash my SUV.

On a bummed out note - the lasagna I spent all that time making last night for my boys... eric put it in the microwave to sit while we took a family walk so it could cool off and the animals wouldnt get to it... well guess what I found in the microwave today when I went to warm up my lunch... yup! In the trash it had to go :(

On a happy note - I have a hair appt hair appt days!

Monday, September 6, 2010

oh and I forgot to add...

Tomarrow morning is my first swim lesson... Im excited and nervous. Im not really good and dealing with things Im not good at. And I cant seem to get that whole stroke stroke breath thing down on my own. I have tried and tried. So I have decided to get some proffessional help. I want to start using swimming as my cross training.

The pool will be so freaking cold!

Conquered 8.5 miles!

WOOHOO! Today I ran from my house to my friend Rachael's, even made it longer by taking some back roads. 8.5 miles total. I walked the last 10 min or so and walked to eat my Gu so a few minutes x2. Took me 1 hour and 40 min. I am very proud of me.

I was also pretty proud of my dinner selection. I made a cheesy goey yummy lasagna and didnt eat a single bite :) My husband and 4 year old LOVED it. For me... I cooked a speghetti squash, then breaded and baked slices of eggplant. On top of that a few ounces of ground turkey and tomatoe sauce and a touch of cheese. Yummy! I didnt miss a thing!

Now the real question of the day... why is it that my body is getting smaller, I like myself so much more and am comfortable in my body BUT have no desire to be intimate with my hubby? Today he told me I was acting like I was 600lbs. I have no confidence in myself minus clothing.

Sunday, September 5, 2010


I lost zero lbs this week.


I gained zero lbs this week.

Guess it depends how you look at it. I have decided to look at the glass half full. I WAY over ate on my points in the past 3 days, ate out for lunch and dinner and used all my weekly points plus about 10. So thank goodness I worked out or I would have definately gained this week.

Regardless Im still under 160! WOOHOO!

Im up and getting ready for work... 12 more hours and then I have 6 days off with my family and have nothing we HAVE to do. Awesome! Fingers crossed for a good and fast day!

Friday, September 3, 2010

Things learned on an 8 mile run...

1. Always do a test drive of a new run before actually running it...

So last night I mapped a new run on RunKeeper. 8.5 miles total. New roads I have never run on. I made the run from Gavins daycare to try something new. Did NOT do a test drive... NOT A GOOD IDEA! So for starters rt 136 is a BUSY road. Way busier then I thought it would. And there was NO shoulder. This was the first 2 miles of my run, no shoulder and lots of traffic make for a very stressful run. If I would have driven it before hand and saw that there was no shoulder then I wouldnt have ran this route. Then mid run a turn didnt look exactly like it did on the map and for a good mile or two I thought I was running the wrong way. I wasnt thank goodness.

2. Take a cell phone with you...

I dont run with a cell phone. Never have. That is changing RIGHT now. I hate running by myself but there is no real way around that. My runs are getting much much longer and that takes me into some more rural areas that do not have alot of houses. Im also running for over an hour, soon to be almost 2 hours - that is a long time so people arent really expecting me home for a while to be worried about me. Today when I thought I had made a wrong turn I was nervous. I was running and running and running and it didnt seem like I was anywhere near where my next turn to head back should be. There were minimal houses and no one outside for me to ask. And even if I got hurt or took a wrong turn and was miles and miles away from home or my car, if I asked someone to use their phone to call for a ride... I only know my husbands cell number, none of my friends cell numbers - they are all saved on my cell. So I will be adding my cell to the workout belt.

3. Check the weather before heading out...

Almost 3 miles into my run it started pouring. I dont mind running in the rain but would have liked to be prepared.

4. Be prepared to change plans...

So no my 8 mile run didnt end up being 8 miles. It ended up being just shy of 6... not shabby but not what I planned. And Im ok with that. This week I didnt get the runs in that I wanted so I hadnt really ran in 5 days. I thought I was lost the run took on this super long component and then it started raining and I cut it short. 6 miles is still awesome and Im still proud of me.

5. Its hard to plan longer runs...

Planning longer runs is difficult. You want to makes sure there arent too many turns so you dont have to think too much while your running. I personally dont like to repeat any part of the run and dont like out and back - I like a big circle so that is difficult to do once you get in the over 5 mile range. Its almost impossible to do the longer runs without hitting bigger roads. My next big run - actually 8 miles is planned again - for this coming monday. Its my house to Rachaels house - almost entirely on rt 22 but it has a shoulder. Then either she will take me home or E will pick me up.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Food Journal 9/2/10

Just thought I would share.

8am coffee with unsweetenned almond milk, lite english muffin with 1tbsp peanut butter = 4 points

1030am 6 triscuit crackers = 2 points

1230 3 egg whites, 1 slice WW cheese, one morning star veggie sausage on a lite english muffin = 5 points

3pm 100cal chocolate cherry granola bar = 2 points

5pm 1 oz Baked tortilla chips and homemade salsa = 2 points

6pm 1 cup brown rice mixture with sauted onions/garlic/mushrooms and steamed green beans, baked tortilla chips and homemade salsa = 5 points

Total after dinner = 20points

That leaves me 5 points for an evening snack ... probually a 100cal bag of popcorn and a yoplait chocolate yogurt with frozen raspberries mixed in.

Exercise today - Spin class and tonight the 30 day shred.

Feeling good!

I am feeling GREAT! Except the fact that I just realized I lost a "follower" of my blog today ... Im guessing they werent a fan :(

Other than that Im feeling AWESOME!

I sucked it up and went to the gym today for spin class. My favorite teacher Rose was teaching ... she kicks serious butt! And it was a new workout mix. My butt will be HURTING! But such a good hurt! I also started the process of signing up for swim lessons. They are working on dates and times and will be getting back to me but it looks like 2 will be next week followed by a third the following week. Hopefully I can get it after that... I hopeits worth it, I think it will be.

Today is a day with my little man - he is so much fun! He loves going to the gym with me, loves the daycare which helps! We played some games and colored. Now its play on your own time so I could check in here :) followed by lunch, napping (me too!) and heading to the pool after nap. Dinner is just the two of us tonight since Eric will be heading to his gym at dinner time for a class. Then I promised him we could have some wii time before bed. A great day! I need to get a walk in with my dog sometime tonight too once it cools off a bit and tonight will do my 30 day shred.

All in all a great day! Granted my house needs cleaned... maybe tomarrow!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


Ok Im done being Bitchy with a capital B... not sure what came over me. There was no need for me to express dislike for someone I dont even really know. I really dont like that part of me. If I hurt anyones feelings, I am trully sorry. And for being evil... I got a pimple!

As for the post before that - I was just venting. My feelings got a bit hurt. He was the only contact I have from that phase of my life and knowing that it is completly closed when it shouldnt have to be bothered me a bit. But the last thing I want to do it cause turmoil in his life - what kind of friend would that make me?

Today was a slow then busy day at work but my wonderful hubby brought G to eat dinner with me - love that! Got home at 8pm, tucked G in and headed outside for a run. Didnt think it was that hot until after about a mile and decided nope dont feel like running anymore. So I headed downstairs and did my 30 day shred.

Tomarrow Im planning to spin - havent done that in a while, my ass might hurt!

good morning.

Ok Im done whining about stupid people... after a few more....

1. I am so freaking sore! I didnt work out yesterday because my plans changed emergently yesterday but even if they hadnt Im not sure if I could have. It hurts to sit down, it hurts to get up... wow!

2. How on earth do you un-subscribe to a blog? I cant find the button any where. There is a blog on my list that ANNOYS the hell out of me and its like a car wreck, I cant stop looking back at it. But Im NOT a fan of the person, not a fan of her post. She annoys me more then any stranger ever has. I dont agree with her lifestyle or most that she writes about and it takes everything in me to not post a message that I know will be taken the wrong way. I have very difficultly stayed to the "if you dont have something nice to say, dont say anything at all" but its getting harder and harder.

uhhhhh - anyways.... sorry. Sometimes the bitch in me comes out full force - some that work with me or have met me recently may be shocked because in the past year or so I have changed quite a bit to a happier friendlier person. Most likely because Im happier with me but there is a huge bitch hiding that has to come out every once in a while. SHe used to come out ALOT - Im glad she doesnt anymore.

Today is another work day - 12 hours. Im going to try to run after work. Im having trouble again getting out of bed early in the am like I plan the night before. I much rather work out in the am. It makes my entire day better and I have a much harder better workout then at the end of the day.

Looking forward to two days off starting tomarrow.