Saturday, January 8, 2011

sick of failing

I feel like I come on here every other day to fess up to my failures. I actually had a moment yesterday where I thought - I cant do this. Why do people look to me for inspiration. I am on a HORRIBLE gaining streak.

I started this journey almost a year ago. It will be a year next month. Yes I lost a total of 50lbs. Yes I gained back now 10-12 lbs. Yes I started making exercise a part of my life. But right now I feel like a complete failure. I almost told myself yesterday - "screw it, lets binge until my birthday in Feb and then start over" - are you kidding me??? Not lets start over on monday, not lets enjoy this weekend (granted I have "enjoyed" the past MONTH!) but lets start over in a month! Do you know how much I can gain in a month? It appears 10-12 lbs!

I feel so incredibly blah. ALL of my jeans are TIGHT and feel crappy. My stomach feels way more flabby. Yet I cant stop eating. I keep trying and then the next thing I know Im binging again. Not something bad here and there but BINGING. I have honestly told myself this week that there is no reason to get 100% back on track because I cant relose the weight as fast as I gained it.

I am definately 100% NOT a role model! So when I get an email from my husbands cousin asking for my assistance on her weight loss because of my own successes... I feel like a fraud!

Yes my last post I was doing a cleanse... well I did the first full day of the cleanse. THEN at 8pm I was convinced myself I was STARVING - I really wasnt. But it turned into 2 big bowls of cereal and some fruit snacks. Yesterday I tried to talk my husband into mexican for lunch - he said no thank goodness. And we ordered pizza for dinner - I got hot wings too... they are like 6 freaking points a piece... and its not like I didnt KNOW what I was doing to my points. I had it somewhere in the back of my head that I would make a big old breakfast this morning or take the boys out because Gavin had a sleep over last night and it was my "excuse". I havent tracked or actually written down ANYTHING I have eaten in well over 2 weeks. I havent gone to actually weigh in at weight watchers in 2 weeks and havent stayed for a meeting in over a month.

I dont know how to get back on track. I dont know how to get back my grove. I need help.


  1. "Failure" is a naughty word. No say that naughty word! Besides, you haven't failed, you just had a setback.

    Have you tried going back to your very first posts and reading through in order?

    Or go to SpunkySuzi's blog and try just her weekly challenge and get back a little at a time?

    You have to change the "all or nothing" mindset and the search for perfection. Focus on what you can do, what you ARE DOING right. So Suzi's challenges are really good for that. This week it is eat only while sitting down at the table, for instance.

    Give yourself some credit. you've proven you can do it. Now you just gotta get focused again!

  2. Lanie said pretty much everything I could think of... and more! You are not a fraud or a failure. At all. That is just silly. You hit a bump along the way, and now you have a flat tire... change your tire.. so you can get back on track! You are an inspiration! Just get refocused. Maybe revisit some of the reasons you started this journey in the first place, go over your goals again... you can and will do this!!

  3. As a new blogger (and blog follower) I can tell you that beyond a shadow of a doubt you are an inspiration. Just a few days ago you wrote about an amazing 11 mile run. That post alone got me up and moving for the day. We have all been where you are, but we also know how good coming out the other end of these stretches feels. I agree, go back and read some of your first posts, find a few posts along the way where you were celebrating victories both on and off the scale, visit the blog of a friend who is doing really well right now and soak in some of their mojo. You will get back on track!

  4. Sending a big virtual hug!

    We all hit slumps and Lanie is making a great point with the "all or nothing" sentiment - that catches a lot of us. Just try to adjust one thing to get yourself back on-track. I think the all or nothing may have been spurred by the cleanse. Drop that - you were doing so well without it and maybe it's setting you on this nasty spiral?

    You are NOT a fraud! Have you ever heard of the Impostor Syndrome? It tends to effect successful women - especially when they are in a slump and begin to question themselves. You've been inspiring all of us and when you get through this slump, it will just be more motivation for us (and you) to keep going and work through the obstacles (even when we are our own obstacle).

    Good luck and keep us posted!