I feel like I come on here every other day to fess up to my failures. I actually had a moment yesterday where I thought - I cant do this. Why do people look to me for inspiration. I am on a HORRIBLE gaining streak.
I started this journey almost a year ago. It will be a year next month. Yes I lost a total of 50lbs. Yes I gained back now 10-12 lbs. Yes I started making exercise a part of my life. But right now I feel like a complete failure. I almost told myself yesterday - "screw it, lets binge until my birthday in Feb and then start over" - are you kidding me??? Not lets start over on monday, not lets enjoy this weekend (granted I have "enjoyed" the past MONTH!) but lets start over in a month! Do you know how much I can gain in a month? It appears 10-12 lbs!
I feel so incredibly blah. ALL of my jeans are TIGHT and feel crappy. My stomach feels way more flabby. Yet I cant stop eating. I keep trying and then the next thing I know Im binging again. Not something bad here and there but BINGING. I have honestly told myself this week that there is no reason to get 100% back on track because I cant relose the weight as fast as I gained it.
I am definately 100% NOT a role model! So when I get an email from my husbands cousin asking for my assistance on her weight loss because of my own successes... I feel like a fraud!
Yes my last post I was doing a cleanse... well I did the first full day of the cleanse. THEN at 8pm I was convinced myself I was STARVING - I really wasnt. But it turned into 2 big bowls of cereal and some fruit snacks. Yesterday I tried to talk my husband into mexican for lunch - he said no thank goodness. And we ordered pizza for dinner - I got hot wings too... they are like 6 freaking points a piece... and its not like I didnt KNOW what I was doing to my points. I had it somewhere in the back of my head that I would make a big old breakfast this morning or take the boys out because Gavin had a sleep over last night and it was my "excuse". I havent tracked or actually written down ANYTHING I have eaten in well over 2 weeks. I havent gone to actually weigh in at weight watchers in 2 weeks and havent stayed for a meeting in over a month.
I dont know how to get back on track. I dont know how to get back my grove. I need help.