Tuesday, July 3, 2012

the high and the low

It amazes me that I can feel AWESOME and CRUMMY at the exact same time.

First the awesome. Today I realized what is different on this wheat free kick... yes I know its only been 3 days. But in those three days I have not binged once. I havent had the desire or massive cravings at all. Today I had a major test. A patients family brought in a HUGE Amish basket of backed goods. Homemade muffins, cakes, bread, mini pies, cookies. It looked fabulous. I admired it ... wished I could eat it for about a second then moved on. I didnt take a single nibble. When last week I would have tried a piece or two of everything in the basket... easily racking up 1000 calories like it was nothing. The more I eat of it the more I crave. And lucky for me - when I refrain, the cravings so far have gone away.

Now for the crummy. Im feeling like a pretty crummy mom right now. I do not even know if I can put it into words to do the feelings justice. As a kid, I enjoyed just being a kid. I have fond memories of catching fireflies, 4th of July parades, fireworks ect. Granted not in a single one of those memories do I remember my mom being there and involved but still. I worry that my kid will not look at his childhood in the same fashion. He constantly says he cant wait to grow up - he is 5. It was 102 degrees during the parade so we didnt go. Hubby and I both work tomorrow - the 4th and really dont have many plans for anything special coming up. He goes to bed by 830 so misses out on the fun summer night "stuff". I worry that we are not putting enough fond happy family memories in his head. The holiday is just an example of that.

1 comment:

  1. I so would have crumbled with the basket of goodies. Those sorts of things are my weakness. Way to go!!
    Every Mother feels like that regularly I think. I know I do. All we can do is the best we can and hope for the best. Have faith :)