I have been sitting here thinking about friendship this evening. I think, along with alot of others, sometimes I feel as if I have a few close friends. And sometimes I feel very friendless... its not a good feeling.
I look at some of my old friends - occationally see them on FB or something and I look at their pics and they have all these exciting "friend" times - out with the girls, big surprise bday parties, graduation parties ect... I feel like I have missed out on the friendship thing. I see the moms at preschool that have buddied up.
Dont get me wrong - I have one or two people I talk to on a regular basis and feel pretty close to but sometimes I dont nessessarily feel as if they feel the same way. Is that corney?
Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult???
This goes back to my weigh issues as well. When I was a sophmore in High School - I felt on top of the world. I played three varsity sports, I was in several clubs and had friends in several different "cliques" - then my life changed. I was sent to Texas to live with my father but not told I wasnt coming home until I was already in Texas. I never got to say goodbye to those that meant alot to me. I moved to a town where everyone had known each other since birth. Everyone was very country and I stuck out like a sore thumb. I became shy and very worried about what people thought of me - something I had NEVER done before. Since then I still struggle with trying to please people and make them like me - something I hate about myself. I constantly feel like Im on the outside. I constantly feel like the 3rd wheel most of the times.
And I put alot of those feelings on my weight - I have told myself over the years that I dont fit in because Im heavy. Im shy and dont have a ton of friends because Im self conscious about my weight. But what if its not the weight? What if I lose all of this and dont gain anything? What if I dont have close friends because Im not a good person?