Wednesday, September 29, 2010

where does the real me go?

Where does the real me go when the not so great me takes over.

Where does the real me go when the unhealthy me starts taking over.

Where does the real me go when the bad me starts calling myself not worth it, fat and ugly?

Where does the real me go when I am rolling down that horrible period of overeating, not exercising, not drinking water, not sleeping, and not caring about my body?

Can someone PLEASE tell me the answers to this because I really dont know. I do so well. I feel so proud of me. I feel strong and in charge. I feel happy and at piece with myself. I feel like I am worth it. THEN...

It just goes away in a big poof for a few days and the real me goes into hiding and lets my evil twin take over without a fight.

The last 3 days I have worked, no big deal. But I gave up and didnt get up to work out before hand. Didnt workout afterwards. Didnt journal. Didnt watch what I ate. Didnt make good food choices. Didnt take the stairs. Didnt drink hardly ANY water. Didnt care about me.

But those three days are over. Im taking back over. I want that evil twin part of me to GO AWAY! Why cant I be the person that can have a one snack or meal set back and then go about my marry way but still make good choices and be healthy... not turn that one snack, meal, or thought into a big messy mess.

A few days ago I posted that I wanted to hit 155 this week. I wanted it bad... well I sabataged that from happenning.

BUT right this moment, tonight .... right now... Im taking back over.

Tomarrow is a run day. A 10 mile scheduled run - my last 10 mile run before going to 6 then 3. My half marathon is 16 days away :) ANd they are calling for a raining, flooding, high wind mess. Which means there is no way in hell I will be running outside. Am I giving up running??? NOPE! I will be tkaing G to preschool and heading to the gym. Im thinking 2 miles on 5 different treadmills. That will break it up a bit right?

1 comment:

  1. such a great insightful post and one which has given me PAUSE and food for thought.

    Im cheering you on in that run.

    Ten miles is impressiveinspirational.

    and you shall knock it out like its nothing :)