who I want to be...

I feel off the wagon a few days ago. On day 16 of my 30 days of whole30. Ok I didnt really fall... I jumped. I jumped MOUTH first into a crap load of crap. And then continued down that path for another 2 full days. It was disgusting.

And two weeks before that I fell of the exercise wagon. I had no desire to do anything. And I felt like crud.

Ok let me back up a bit. Last time I did the whole paleo thing, after going through the withdrawl portion, I felt AMAZING. I had MASSIVE amounts of energy. I woke up so freaking happy.

I started the whole30 expecting those feelings to come back and then some. But while I was eating right... I wasnt getting nearly enough sleep and wasnt working out at all. And shocker - those feelings of amazement never came. And then I had the "well fuck it" attitude and well here I am.

Yesterday I was looking at Roni's blog, Ronisweigh.com, and she had a video of her running the zombie 5k in a neighboring town. She exuded something I want so badly... self acceptance and confidence. She knows who she is and is who she wants to be.

It made me think. It made me think that Im not acting out who I want to be. Im not doing the basic things that I would need to get to that place. And its NOT about weight. Its NOT about getting back into my size 8 jeans or seeing a magical number on the scale. It is about being healthy, active, glowing in my skin. Its about being happy.

Now how to get there....

5k virgins!

I had the most amazing day! The weather was PERFECT and so was the company! Today 11 gals ran their very first 5k. I am like a crazy proud momma right now! They all did AMAZING! I was blown away by some of their times!  The rest of the day will be go go go - first I made sure to enjoy a nice hot bubble bath. In a bit we are heading to a kids play at the community college then dinner out. My step mom flys back to Texas in the morning. So sad. Here are a few pics...

Waiting for the bus. 45 degrees but felt colder and yes it was still dark outside!

My step mom (3 weeks after finishing her 3rd 70.3!) lead us in a quick warm up.

The group pre-run

My step mom and I waiting to begin!

A few of the girls waiting cheering on the others!

Post run - feeling AWESOME!

One of the girls husband got a running pic of me right before the finish - wish I would have smiled :)

Rock star!

Real quick... I am a ROCK star! 

Last night I made 3 dozen chocolate chip cookies. NOT A SINGLE BITE, lick or taste. Today was G's party - I didnt eat pizza, chips, candy, cupcakes, cookies, NADA! I ate the almonds I brought and called it a day. 

I almost gave in because I wanted something and felt like I deserved something... then my bf said something that struck through the desire for junk. I said "I almost want to eat something then just restart the 30 days tomorrow". Her response, "If you do that you will keep doing it ALL your life"

Ummm - yes, your right. I made a commitment to myself. And Im worth it.